Bondage Tutorial: Knots You Didn’t Learn in Scouts

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Bondage Tutorial: Knots You Didn't Learn in Scouts

I have always had a fascination with being tied up. There are so many ways to be restrained during sex. The options are nearly endless. And while we can use things like cable ties, handcuffs, or leather cuffs, there is something about rope that makes the imagination run wild. At least it does for me. The opportunities seem limited only by my imagination. Whether it’s being tied to a bed, to yourself, or suspended in the air or everything in between, rope is the perfect staple to add to your bondage repertoire.

What’s good about it

Being tied up is one of the usual things that comes to mind in a BDSM sex scene. When a person is tied up, they are at the complete mercy of the other person. The way in which the person is tied up, how the ropes restrict movement or even restrict blood flow are all intended to heighten pleasure for everyone involved; from the person that is tied up to the person taking control.

The bottom is the person being tied and the top is the one doing the tying. There are many reason why each person takes their assumed role. Maybe you chose to be a bottom because you’re in control of so many things in the day to day and want someone to manhandle you. Or maybe you aren’t in control of your life and sex is the one time you can have the control you need to feel whole. Rope bondage can satisfy all needs.

Shibari vs. Western

When it comes to rope, there’s several ways you can go. You can use whatever you have on hand. Maybe it’s paracord. Chains. Bedding (sheets and pillowcases). Extension cords. Or maybe you’ve done your research and you want to explore the art of rope tying.

Shibari is Japanese rope bondage. It is an art that involves repetitive patterns with rope instead of focusing on the knots themselves. The focus is on the friction the rope provides against the skin.  It uses a rope that doesn’t stretch that is typically a natural fiber rope made of hemp or jute.

Shibari is very beautiful and looks incredible when done properly. It does not involve pain or blood flow constriction for the person that is tied up. However, historically it does involve the master emotion of shame. Shame can drive folks to do many things; whether it’s correct bad behavior or change to accommodate the requests of your partner.

This type of restraint was originally used to restrain prisoners that were being publicly shamed in Japan. It gradually became part of the BDSM play in Japan and is now spreading throughout the worldwide BDSM community. I can understand why it is becoming part of the community. The ties are incredibly beautiful and methodical. They require thought and planning and are anything by haphazard. They are meant not only to restrain the bottom, but also please the top with the way the knots are put together.

Western rope play tends to be more about just restraint. There is no art to it. It will usually be faster and use whatever is available to the top to use in order to restrain the bottom. Usually, no care is involved with how the rope or other restraint utilities are employed.

Fusion is the third type and is simply that. A combination of both Western and Shibari knots. This may mean a combination of rope and anything else that the top may have on hand. The top may also quickly go through the motions of tying the bottom down in order to restrain them so that they may act out what they have in mind. There is not necessarily a rhyme or reason aside from the pleasure of the parties involved.

Rope Info

There are a ton of resources and tutorials out there on the web to give you video instruction on how to tie the knots of your choice. I tried to write the instructions for you, dear reader, but my words fell short.  A simple Google search will list countless videos or how to tie up folks and how to use these situations to your mutual benefit. Before you start exploring the world of rope bondage,  you will need some basic rope/knot tying vocabulary.

  • Top: This is the person that is doing the tying
  • Bottom: Person being tied up
  • Bight: You’ll hear this word a lot in most of the tutorials online. The bight (pronounced bite) is the middle part of the rope between the ends. It’s usually the bend that you run the ends of the rope through.
  • Elbow: You get an elbow when you have two or more loops near each other.
  • Loop: You make a loop when two ropes cross.
  • Working End: The loose end of the rope that is being used to tie the knot.
  • Standing End: The loose end of the rope not being used to tie the knot.

Types of Rope

There are things to consider when you are trying to decide which type of rope to use. How does it feel? Do you want a more natural rough rope or one that is soft against the skin? Do you want the bottom to experience lots of friction or just enough to remind the bottom the reason for their bond in the first place?

You want to make sure that you have at least 15-30 feet of rope to play with. You will also want to be sure to have the rope be at least 5mm in diameter or bigger. The reason that you want to use at least this diameter is because if the rope is too thin it can cause damage to the person being restrained. Bondage is fun, long lasting pain or damage is not. This is a way to break trust.

Some good bondage rope companies can be found online. Here are a couple that I found to be both affordable and a wealth of information.

Twisted Monk- They sell primarily hemp bondage rope. Their website was great. It has a ton of information on how to care for your rope, tutorials, and testimonials. They offer free samples, which I think given the personal nature of the use of the ropes, is a great service. They also have a directory of where to purchase the rope locally, in case you would rather feel it before you buy it and don’t want to wait for a sample. Another cool thing that they offer is custom rope orders. You can have your rope dyed a certain color or have the ends of the rope finished a certain way. Finishing off the ends of the rope is a critical part of rope care. By finishing the ends of the rope, you will prevent fraying of the rope, which makes it part of good rope care.

Doc Johnson- The Doc Johnson brand makes soft cotton ropes that are fairly popular for bondage. You can find this on Amazon as well as on their website. They have a wide variety of ropes and other BDSM supplies available for purchase.

Things to Avoid

Communication is the most important part of any BDSM play. This is especially true with rope play. You are literally either taking someone’s physical well-being into your own hands or allowing someone to care for yours. When tying someone up with rope you want to be sure that you pay attention to the following:

  • Circulation- Be careful not to cut off circulation to any part of the body. This can lead to long lasting or permanent damage. It can also lead to broken trust. You should be able to fit a finger or even two fingers between the rope and the skin. This allows for adequate blood circulation while restraining the bottom.
  • No rope around the neck. Seems pretty straightforward to me, but I feel it needs to be said. Rope play around the neck can lead to suffocation, brain damage, or even death. The goal is fun here. By avoiding ropes and the neck, we can keep it fun.
  • The top shouldn’t leave the bottom unattended for long periods of time. Trust is paramount and the top should be near the bottom in order to ensure that the bottom isn’t experiencing any feelings of tingling or numbness. These are symptoms of decreased blood circulation and it is the responsibility of the top to protect the bottom’s health.
  • Scissors- Keep scissors close by in case the bottom needs to be cut out quickly or if the top is unable to undo a knot. Again, safety is sexy.

Types of Knots

There are so many types of knots out there. There are way many more than I ever learned in scouting. One term that I feel is important is column. A column is one limb of the body. This could be an arm or a leg. Or it could be each part of the arm (bicep or forearm) or both parts of the leg (thigh and calf). When the word column is used in any of these knot types, the term is referring to a column of the body. A two-column tie would mean two arms (wrists) or two ankles.

Single column tie-

The single column tie can be used on wrists or ankles, either individually or together. This knot is used when you want to tie the bottom to a bedpost, headboard, or single fixed point. It does allow for some range of motion and is great for folks with limited shoulder mobility. A single column tie allows for rope play for those that would have physical pain with other types of knots. This is a knot that you can also do on yourself during solo play. It is easy to untie this knot.

This is the most basic of knots that is very easy to master. It should also be the first knot that you  learn. I have felt comfortable trying this on myself and have been able to master in no time at all. Practice with knots is key. There are many YouTube tutorials, but the link above is the most informative one that I found.

The Wrists-

This is the knot that is used when binding wrist to wrist, ankle to ankle or ankle to wrist. The wrists or ankles are another common knot that is found during rope play. The bottom can still move their legs or arms to some degree with this type of knot.

This knot occurs when we are going to bind either the ankles or the wrists. Be sure that you loop the rope around the wrists or ankles BEFORE tightening the distance between them. Once they are tied up, it is up to you how you want to secure them.

Chest harness:

The chest harness does a few things. This knot is so sexy to look at. It not only binds the chest, but it also gives the top a place that they can grab onto. They can grab from either the front or the back. The chest harness has a ridiculous amount of ways to tie them. The thought of how my Dominant would use this type of tie was enough to push me over the edge.

As with the other knots, be sure to leave a finger or two of space between the skin and the rope to avoid cutting off circulation.  There are many ways to loop the rope to secure the breasts and heighten sensitivity to that already sensitive area.

Ankles to Thighs-

Also known as the Frog Tie, because of how the bottom looks when they are in this position. You look like a frog squatting, ready to jump. This is a modified single column knot. When the bottom is restrained this way, the only real option they have is to accept the pleasure that the top is going to give them. Your legs are completely immobilized.

A special note on this tie: be sure not to have the rope loops close to the knee. You want them to be closer to the hip to prevent knee injury and avoid strain on the joints of the bottom. The top should want the bottom to be restrained enough to enjoy but not too restrained that it hurts. It really is a fine balance.

Sling Knot-

This one was my absolute favorite when I was doing research and I can’t wait to try it myself. The sling knot leaves so much open to the imagination. I feel that this knot takes ankles to thighs to a whole other level.

The thighs and ankles of each leg are restrained to each other and then around the torso and attached to the other leg. The hands can either be left free, handcuffed, or the top can use a single column tie on each wrist to attach them to the bed or wherever they decide. So many possibilities. I’m getting excited just thinking about it.

Julieta Chiara and Twisted Monk have fantastic resources on rope care, knots, and where to purchase rope. Watts the Safe Word was also an incredible resource for rope and kink play.

Solo Play

In my research, I found that you don’t necessarily need a partner to have fun with rope play. Maybe you aren’t ready to share your kink with your partner.

You can use rope all by yourself. Solo rope play would be an excellent way to experiment with new ways to tie knots. It also gives you a way to know how it feels to be bound so you will know what your bottom feels like or you can figure out what you like. Like any rope play, there are things that you need to take into consideration.

A few notes on solo rope play:

  • Safety- No one will be there to save you if things get complicated or dangerous. Avoid rope around the neck or binding the rope so tight that it constricts blood flow. Be sure to plan and don’t try knots that you can’t get out of on your own. One thing that I learned about knot tying, is that the knot should be able to be undone in one tug. Untying a knot done correctly should not be a struggle. Practice your knots on a PVC pipe or something else before you try them on yourself. This way you learn not only how to tie the knot, but how to undo it as well. Undoing the knot is just as important to learn as tying the knot itself.
  • Escape- Have an escape plan in place. Before you begin any bondage solo play, you want to be sure that you plan it out enough that you know what to do if you do find yourself, a umm, bind. Remember, when you fail to plan, you plan to fail, and this failure can have dire consequences that include serious injury or death. You don’t want people to find you in a precarious position.
  • Be smart and keep it simple- Save the elaborate rope tricks for when you have a partner around. You don’t want to get yourself into a situation you can’t get out of.

More tips on solo play can be found in this fabulous tutorial here on Sofia Gray.

How to Approach with your partner

So, you’ve done some research on knots or maybe it’s been a lifelong curiosity that you’ve had about being tied up or tying up others. How do you tell your partner about it? As someone with closet desires and shame issues, I completely understand where you are coming from. A good relationship requires open communication. Take it from someone that has learned this lesson the hard way.

Rope bondage is a type of bondage that can and is used in BDSM relationships. One of the things you can do after you broach the subject is mention discussing a checklist of some sorts. A BDSM checklist is lengthy but it goes through just about anything and everything you can think of that can happen in a sex scene. By having a checklist, you add an almost matter of fact and objective external list that can serve as a jumping off point for further discussion. In having this matter of fact type discussion, you can take out emotion and decide what both parties are ok with allowing to happen during a sex scene.

If you are already in a BDSM relationship, you could visit your contract, whether it is verbal or written and add something in about rope play. Would it be a punishment used by the Dominant to train the submissive? Would it be for mutual pleasure or both?  Setting this boundary either in writing or verbally helps prevent unrealistic expectations and helps avoid hurt feelings.

What if I’m not in a BDSM relationship and I just either want to be tied up or I want to tie up my partner and pleasure them.

Both of those scenarios boil down to communication. You may be surprised that your partner may be willing to try some light bondage. Maybe they like it too and have been hesitant to talk to you because they are afraid of rejection. Like I’ve said time and time again, it comes back to open and honest communication. Just ask. The worst thing they can say is no, and then at least you know where they stand.

Big Take Aways

I learned a lot researching for this post. I learned that the more I dig and search for understanding in various acts that can be done in relationships, it all comes back to communication. Each person should check constantly for both consent and physical care. With bondage play this seems like a no brainer. But of all the videos and tutorials I watched, Shagg Box impressed me the most for the simple reason that he constantly checked for both consent and how his partner was emotionally. Her care was his primary concern.

Go out and have fun folks! Your limit is your imagination. I plan on trying some of the things I learned.