Fellas...you’ve got a new lady in your life. She’s smart, she’s beautiful, she’s funny, she totally gets you. You want her, and you want her real bad. Not only for the fun naked stuff but for the day-to-day stuff, too.
How do you show your appreciation, admiration, lust, and excitement over the potential of being her man?
Well, I’ll tell you what not to do...don’t send her a dick pic.
Please, just don’t.
For me, the concept of sending an unprompted picture of your penis is completely insane. I mean...let’s think about pre-internet times for a minute (because that wasn’t really that long ago, I whisper to myself as I apply my anti-aging night-cream).
In the 1980s, for example, this would have sounded insane.
I mean, if you think about the non-internet version of a dick picture...it would be basically just flashing someone your genitals in public, in the middle of a conversation.
That’s actually public indecency (or exposure) and you could most definitely be arrested for that.
So why, then, with the invention of the internet, did the thought appear: “hey, now we can show them our penises without their consent and they can’t do anything about it!”
Now, if we’re talking about sexting, then that’s something different.
If you’re in the middle of sending seductive photos back and forth with less and less clothing on...then it may be fine to send a dick pic. (In my opinion, you should still ask her consent, maybe she doesn’t want to see it.)
But when we’re talking about unprompted, unsolicited pictures of penises...it’s surprisingly more common than you think and the reaction from women is about what you’d expect.
We hate it.
Well, most of us do, anyway.
“It can be hot if there’s chemistry between me and the guy and we’ve already had sex because he’s telling me he wants me. But from a stranger, it’s juvenile and offensive. It shows me you don’t have an ounce of creativity in you.” - says Irene (24) to Thought Catalog on the topic of unsolicited dick pics.
In the same article, Amber (also 24) shared her insight of receiving dick pics without consent: “If you want to send me a sexy picture then send me one of your whole body in your underwear. That’s sexy. A dick in and of itself just isn’t sexy no matter the size or shape. Be proud of your junk but don’t make me look at it when I didn’t ask to.”
In another article, this time over on LAD Bible, other women share their responses to penis photos that have been sent to them in the past...
"If I wanted to see it, I would ask. [It’s] such a put off as well, makes me think they only want one thing." - Lauren
"But really, no one wants to see a dick pic. It does absolutely nothing for us." - Daniella
"If they're from someone you're seeing then they're not so bad, but just a random dick shoved in your face, you feel kinda violated…” - Abigail
I think, summed up, we can all agree on this quote: "Dick pics are kind of like when a cat brings you a dead bird, we understand the sentiment, but [it’s still] gross and unwanted."
Are you looking for some ways to impress the new girl in your life?
Don’t resort to dick-pics that will most likely make her laugh than want to seriously have sex with you. Try some of these ideas...not only will she appreciate the thought and it will bring you closer together, but it will also likely get you closer to where you want to be (which is on top of her).
While it’s super easy to say “you looked gorgeous tonight” or “your hair is beautiful”, what she is likely not expecting are compliments about her as a person.
Compliment her on her kindness to the waiter on your first date, on her ability to problem solve when your Uber cancels or her sense of whimsy and fun she giggles after stepping in a puddle instead of making a big deal out of it.
You can compliment her on her tight ass and oral-sex skills later...she’ll like that, too.
Nothing says you care about more than getting into her pants than listening to her talk about Becky at work who got a promotion she didn’t deserve or that weird guy on the subway who keeps staring at her.
Not only can this lead to interesting conversations that let you know more about who she is as a person (her temperament, what she likes, what bothers her, etc) but it can also make you feel more connected and she will really appreciate you being so supportive about “the little things”.
One of the sexiest things a guy can do is make me laugh. Send her funny memes of cute cats, doggos that are trying to carry a branch that’s too big for them or things that are poking fun at stuff she is interested in.
Letting her know you have a good sense of humor and want to make her laugh is definitely the key to nearly every woman’s heart.
While you don’t need to (and maybe shouldn’t) do this every morning, because let’s face it, you don’t immediately think of her every single morning and maybe she is always rushing in the morning to be to work on time - but sending “good morning, beautiful” messages to a girl you’re interested in being serious with is a really great way to get on her radar first thing in the morning.
Every girl appreciates being wished a positive day ahead and who knows, maybe you’ll be wishing her good-night from her bed as a thank-you for your sweet little messages.
Social media is important to some people. There’s a reason people call being together “Facebook official” or why she spends 10 minutes trying to think of a caption for her Instagram photos.
If you (or your new girl) are people who are active on social media, giving her a “like” or commenting with a flame emoji next time she posts a sexy selfie will definitely give you all the bonus points, my friend.
Sometimes we like random-ness. A guy I was seeing in college would randomly just send me a picture of a stop sign on his way to work. Or the next day, he’d send me a picture of a cute dog he saw or the cute front door of his house.
Whether it’s a shot of your living room, your dinner or your commute to work, sometimes it feels really nice for us to be “included” in the more typical parts of your day.
“If you could have dinner with one person (dead or alive), who would it be?”
“If you had a superpower, but couldn’t tell anyone about it, what would it be?”
“If you were a vacation, which would you be: lake trip, ski trip or cruise?”
Asking these kinds of silly, fun questions when there is a lull in your texting conversation can let her know you’re interested in still talking, even if what you’re talking about isn’t super important. Also, her answers to these questions will let you know a lot about her, and if she asks for your answers in return (which she likely will), it’s your chance to share a bit about yourself as well.
While I don’t usually condone playing games with a girl’s head, this one is fun, cute and super simple.
Every time one of you sees a coin on the street, text the other a GIF for good luck.
Or if you spot a dog on your way to work, send her a little dog emoji.
These kinds of simple, fun games build a connection between the two of you that she shares with no one else - and she will likely enjoy the laid-back, silly vibes you’re giving her.
When things are starting to move from “seeing each other” to “dating” - having the “exclusive” talk is surely around the corner. The talk is sometimes uncomfortable and a bit scary, so why not slip her some actionable proof that you’re in this for the long-term?
Why not start planning some super cute date ideas together? Bowling, an escape room, rock-climbing, going out for sushi...come up with a “bucket list” of date night ideas.
This kind of thinking will show her you’re serious about sticking around for the long-haul to complete all of these fun date ideas together.
No girl likes to feel as though you’re ignoring her anytime your friends come over. But on the other hand, no girl wants to feel like you have no friends and rely solely on her for entertainment and support.
Finding this balance can be tricky - but when it comes to this, it’s best to just be honest. If you’re planning to be hanging out with friends and don’t think you can text her much, explain that you will give her a call when your plans have ended and that you’ll be thinking about her.
If she’s a writer, ask what she’s working on this week. If she’s a waitress, ask if she’s had any interesting customers lately. If she’s a business manager, take an interest in what kind of business she’s in.
Showing your interest in her life outside of how it benefits you can show her that you’re interested in more than just date nights that could potentially end in amazing rough sex. She already knows you’re pining for that - show her there’s more to your feelings for her and I’m sure that rough sex will come a lot faster than you think.
While there are a bunch of different ways to play this game, the “20 questions” I’m referring to are questions about yourselves. Get together one night and come up with a list of questions you both have to answer.
These can be things as simple as “how many siblings do you have” to “what’s your biggest regret in life”. Pour yourselves some wine, order a pizza and just let the night conversation go where it goes.
Are you struggling with a problem at work?
Maybe there’s drama between your siblings or a bit of conflict within your friend group?
Talking to her about some of the problems in your life and getting her opinion or advice can let her know not only that you are able to open up and ask for help (which is admirable and super sexy) but that you also value her opinion.
When you feel the time is right, invite her out to meet your friends!
The “buddy test” can be pretty intense for everyone involved, so make sure it’s something fun like bowling or the movies - something with little pressure on her and lots of chances for your friends to see how happy she makes you.
Meeting the friends goes both ways, you know, and oftentimes this is very important to women. A woman’s friend group is like her tribe...she likely cares deeply about their opinions and often shares things about your relationship with them to ask their advice or to see what they think.
Text messages that she’s sent you? You can bet she’s had the help of at least one friend in drafting those cute and witty responses.
If she wants you to meet her friends, it’s truly a compliment and she is already 97% sure they will love you.
Never, ever underestimate the value of flowers that cost you about what you pay every morning for your Starbucks order. It doesn’t matter (most of the time) if these flowers come from a top-notch florist or if you pick them up at a grocery store on the way to her apartment.
Flowers are a beautiful gesture and let her know that you think she deserves something pretty for no other reason than just being herself.
Say you came across a quote this morning that really impacted you. You haven’t stopped thinking about it. Talk to her about that!
Showing her that you’re deeper than just surface-level interactions and care about her enough to share some of your more personal thoughts is a big step at the beginning of any relationship.
Sexting (I’m talking true, no nudes sent, actual texting) is under-rated. Dirty talk is hot, people - and we should all be doing more of it!
Telling her (in quite a descriptive way) what you want to do to her (with her, on her, for her) the next time you’re in bed together is super hot.
Leaving things up to the imagination (without photos being shared) is the highest level of sexting foreplay there is. The next time she sees you, she will definitely be thinking about all those things you said you’d do.
Not quite sure what to say? Don’t worry, here’s a comprehensive guide to talking dirty (with examples) to make sure you sound so sexy she’ll be begging you to come over.
Board games, app-games, Facebook-games...games are fun. Games let her assess your level of strategy, your sportsmanship and your level of fun.
Whether it’s Scrabble over Facebook or a bowling date where loser buys the first round at the bar later, adding a bit of a fun level of challenge and competition to your relationship with her will let her see your fun side.
This one is super interesting: have the kinks and fetishes talk...without touching each other. Lay in the bed opposite one another. Maybe open a bottle of wine or order take out and just talk.
Talk about what you like, what she likes, what you want to try, what you’ve tried in the past, how many people you’ve slept with, what kinks you’re interested in trying together. Talk about consent, about safe words, about creating the perfect BDSM scene together.
These conversations are super important to have at the beginning of any sexual relationship, but adding the challenge of not actually having sex the night you talk about all of this (and saving all that pent up sexual tension for the next night) is a level of foreplay you won’t want to miss out on.
I recently wrote an article on the sexiest parts of the male body. For my research, I dove into about 10 different sources. GQ magazine, Muscle and Fitness, Marie Claire, Cosmo...the list went on and on.
Women have discussed (at length, many times) what they find to be the sexiest part of the male body...and guess what: it’s not the penis.
Stop. Sending. Dick Pics.
It’s not nearly as sexy as you think it is. It’s a bit invasive and a total turn-off, honestly.
However, according to the mountains of data in that article, here are some of the sexiest body parts you should be showing her to tease her in all the right ways:
All of these things leave something to be desired. We’ll be opening our phone and biting our lip at what we see, staring at it over and over again until we see you next...instead of opening our phone to a badly-lit, extremely invasive direct shot of your penis.