When it comes to ways to use your mouth during sex, talking isn’t typically the first thing you think of, am I right? And yet...most of us are dying to hear our partner’s excited moans and breathless whispers in bed. In fact, there are many people who think the louder the sex, the better it is.
Whether you and your lover are regular dirty talkers or you’re looking to add a bit of naughty vocabulary to your repertoire, mastering the art of dirty talk isn’t just about making words come out of your mouth. While speaking coherent sentences is sometimes hard when the sex is that incredible, adding a bit of dirty talk into your foreplay and a few spicy sentences right before climax can make things so much better!
However, as I said...dirty talk doesn’t always flow easily at first and it can take some practice to get comfortable with the things you’re saying. As with almost everything in sex: there are things you should do, things you definitely shouldn’t do and things that your partner will be absolutely driven wild by.
Consider this the Dirty Talk for Dummies crash course. This guide isn’t just about the why and how...it’s got examples, too!
Have you ever wanted to have the ability to send tingles down your lover’s spine and making their knees weak without ever even laying a finger on them? I’m about to show you how.
But first, let’s talk about the why...
First of all...what is our fascination with talking dirty?
Why do people love it so much?
Well, it’s insanely hot, for one. I mean, hearing your partner say your name (or scream it), telling them what you are about to do to them and listening to them beg you to please them...come on, who isn’t turned on by that!?
But did you know there’s actually far more to it than just liking what you hear?
Science and sex are very closely related, even though most of us couldn’t name the parts of an atom during climax to save our lives - the science I’m talking about here is biology.
Biology plays a huge part in why we like what we like in the bedroom.
How our human brains physically function can dictate whether or not we like certain things during sex (and that includes dirty talk).
For example, the preoptic area of the brain (the area that’s involved in mating behaviors) is over 2x larger (and contains 2x the amount of cells) in males than in it does in females. This is a very large part of the reason why men’s sex drives are often higher than women’s.
Not convinced our brains impacts our sex lives yet? Well, translate that thought process to another area of the brain: the amygdala.
There are many women who are considered powerful or in charge in their every-day lives (at work or at home), who enjoy being more submissive in bed because it stimulates the region of our brain where fear and excitement come from.
Our brains are wired for pleasure in ways that deeply connect with who we are as human beings. So, how does all of this science prove we love dirty talk?
A total-body experience.
The whispers and moans you hear during sex are processed by the brain’s hearing center (obviously), which includes the temporal, frontal and occipital lobes.
This means all these different areas of your brain are being activated, along with the random shots of feel-good sensations that are happening from all the physical things your lover is doing to you.
Oxytocin made me say it.
On top of that - after having an orgasm, our brain releases a chemical called oxytocin. You know that falling-in-love, tattoo-you-on-my-chest kind of feeling we experience right after orgasm? That’s oxytocin coursing through your body.
This feel-good chemical has been proven to lower stress levels and relax the mind, which can lower inhibitions. Any of us who can (barely) remember those Tequila Tuesdays at the local club during our wet and wild school days can tell you that lowered inhibitions often make you talk like you have no filter.
Lowered inhibitions mean you’re way more likely to say exactly what you want or think, even if you wouldn’t normally voice those same opinions in everyday life. This is why some of the wildest, raunchiest things you may say can happen at the tip of your climax.
The mind is an erogenous zone many people forget to focus on - dirty talk does that.
Imagine being so horny that the touch of your lover is enough to make your knees weak. And then...imagine them NOT touching you. Instead, imagine hearing them say all the ways they are going to touch you and all the things you’re going to feel when they do.
That’s enough to drive anyone wild.
One of the biggest reasons people want to be dirty-talked in bed is because it makes things more intense.
The other great thing about dirty talk is that it’s not something you do all the time. Maybe it is, but for most of us, the things we say in the bedroom are not things we typically say in everyday situations - and this makes it feel naughty and wrong.
Even when you and your lover do talk to each other during sex, maybe you’re saying things in the bedroom like “oh yeah” and “I like that”, but the truly nasty stuff is only brought out on occasion.
And when it is time to get really dirty, it’s vocabulary your lover isn’t used to you using, so it’s extra hot.
Hearing all the naughty, kinky, dirty things your partner wants to do to you (or the things they’re begging you to do to them) means they want you.
Nothing screams how bad they want you like that panting, breathless voice telling you just how dirty they want you to get.
Telling your lover to do whatever they want to you in bed is a great way to loosen the reigns and test out being a submissive for a while.
On the other hand, telling your partner what you’re going to do to them gives you a sense of control that can feel intoxicating. For people who aren’t totally sure which role you want in the bedroom - dirty talk is a great way to give a few different things a try.
Many people don’t know what they’re going to say until they’re already saying it.
Sometimes when you’re getting caught up in the moment, you know just what to say to send those magical tingles down your partner's spine.
If your girlfriend loves being called a “dirty little slut” when you’re having sex, it doesn’t mean she actually hopes you think of her like a dirty little slut - it means she is fantasizing about that, in that moment.
She is creating a new identity, a new persona, a new character - she wants to test it out and she wants you to play the game with her.
Dirty talk can be an awesome way to live out a fantasy or try out a new character in a roleplay scenario.
It’s great because it’s a no-commitment type of thing. They are just words! Once you say them, you can’t take them back, and yes - things may get a bit awkward if you say the wrong thing...but you also have no obligation to ever say them again.
When it comes to dirty talk, it’s hard to go wrong...but not impossible. Want to save yourself from potential embarrassment?
Keep reading for some of the basic ground rules of dirty talk.
If you know your partner likes to be spanked - roll with that! If your lover likes to be humiliated, there are lots of ways to incorporate that into your foreplay using dirty talk. Knowing your audience is key in creating the right kind of vibe in the room.
As you can see from some of the examples below, if you don’t know your audience some of your remarks can be really off, turning a steamy hot love sesh into an awkward mood-killer moment.
If they like to be dominated or degraded: “suck my hard cock, dirty little slut”
If they like to be spanked or controlled: “you’ve been a naughty boy, I’m going to have to punish you…”
If they want to be in control of you: “tell me what you want me to do baby I’ll do anything for you…”
Just because you like to be choked, doesn’t mean all sex has to involve choking. Sometimes you're in the mood for something different, and that’s okay - but this has to translate to the talk of the room, too. Even when your lover is interested in being dominated, it doesn’t mean they want to be told to “shut up and take it” every single time you have sex.
Read your partner's mood, know their vibe before getting started to avoid saying something totally off base.
There are definitely some “safer” phrases you can never go wrong with saying - so maybe stick to those if you’re unsure of your partner’s mood that night.
“Fuck me” is a classic...it’s clear and concise.
“I need you” is always something someone likes to hear
“Make me cum” gives them the feeling that they have the power to make you feel good, which is always a good thing to hear.
While knowing your audience and reading the room are essential, sometimes experimentation can lead to success!
Throwing in a new sentence or phrase can be a huge turn on, especially if it’s at an unexpected time or if it’s something you’ve never said before.
“I want you to…” followed by something you don’t normally do can be really sexy.
“Let me lick the cum off your dick…” can be a massive turn on and a complete shock, especially if you just start doing it after without hesitation. This is incredibly hot, says my husband.
“I want to taste you” is great because adding other senses (like taste) instead of just touch can make it feel more intimate.
Everyone has their limits that need to be respected - but sometimes dirty talk can be about pushing right up to that limit.
While it’s important not to cross any boundaries, because nothing is a bigger mood-killer than that, saying things that are risky and out of the blue can be really erotic.
“Shut up and fuck me however you want to” is a great sentence when you’re toeing the line between dominant and submissive because you’re giving an instruction, but the instruction is for them to take control of you.
Dirty talk can seem really daunting when you think about it, but when it comes down to it, it’s really not that scary! It can be as simple as saying what you want to do to them, what you want them to do to you, or what you can’t wait to try later.
While I’m sure you’re totally competent, this is Dirty Talk for Dummies - so there will obviously be some examples sprinkled in to give you some inspiration. Another fun little tip: watching amateur porn is what gave me some of my best lines in the bedroom.
Nervous? Don’t worry, it’s normal!
Why not start off with a bit of sexting to get yourself familiar with things you feel comfortable saying?
Sexting is great because you have a bit of time to plan out what you want to say and when they respond, you aren’t physically with them - so you have a minute to come up with a sexy, witty response.
“I can’t wait until you get home and I can ride that big, hard cock…”
“I’m wet just thinking about you today…”
“I can’t stop thinking about your tight pussy…”
“Thinking about you is making me horny…”
Speaking in your normal voice while you talk dirty to your lover may seem a bit awkward because it carries the tone of a “normal” conversation.
A whisper can make you feel like you’re sharing a naughty little secret. Your lover has to get close to hear it, pressing your bodies together - and when you do finally whisper what they want to hear, it will drive them wild.
A breathy whisper of “I need you” or “take me” can add a bit of intimacy to your foreplay. A seductive “make me cum” or “I’m wet for you” can send tingles to all the right places.
“I need you right now”
“I’m so wet for you”
“You make me so wet”
“I’ve been thinking about your hard cock all day…”
“I can’t stop thinking about your tight, wet pussy”
Eye contact can be DRENCHED in sexual tension.
Want to up your blowjob game? Add a bit of eye contact while you’re going down on him. Want to seduce her? Look her directly in the eyes in a way that she knows something intense is about to happen - and then kiss her.
Dirty talk is the same...eye contact will spice it right up!
Eye contact while saying “fuck me” or “I need you” can be extremely erotic.
Maintaining eye contact right up to the edge of your orgasm, telling them how much you like it, and then letting it take you away can be incredibly intimate.
Dirty talk can be a way of communicating things to your partner. When they do something right, give them a little reassurance: “I like it when you do it like that” - this will let them know they are doing something right and to keep going.
Telling them what you want can be as direct as an order or as vague as saying something like “don’t stop” or “more”.
“Bite my neck”
“Suck on my titties harder baby”
“That feels so damn good”
It never hurts to have a few sexy (but always useful) phrases locked and loaded for when the time comes.
Not that this has to be totally pre-planned (as you’ll see in the next tip, going with the flow is also super important) - but there are things people just feel comfortable saying and those can be your “go-to” phrases if you’re feeling stuck for something else to say.
These will likely be things you can apply to any situation - just kind of generic “feel good” sentences. When in doubt, saying (or moaning) their name is always a good one.
“Just like that”
“Baby, I like that”
“That feels so good”
Sometimes, when you’re in the moment, things will just roll off your tongue. There are things you can practice saying and things you can get comfortable talking about but sometimes the best thing to do is just to wing it and tell them exactly how you’re feeling right there in the heat of the moment.
If he’s going down on you and you want to grab his hair and tell him to keep going - do that!
If she’s giving you an amazing blow job and you want to tell her to “take in your big fat cock” - say it if it seems right!
This is all about timing and living in the moment!
Everyone likes to be told they are doing a good job, especially in sex and especially when those praises are coming in the form of sexy moaning while you’re going down on them.
“Baby I like when you do that”
“Give it to me like that”
“I love that big hard cock”
“Your tight pussy feels so good”
Stuck on what to say? Telling your lover where you’re at (with a bit of a moan to it) can get the hairs on the back of their neck to stand on end. It’s simple and effective.
Saying things like “I’m almost there” and “I’m going to cum” with a breathless whisper can be insanely erotic.
“I’m going to cum, baby”
“Right there, that feels so good…”
“Keep going I’m almost there…”
“I want to cum for you…”
Adding a “cock” or “pussy” in where you’d normally say penis and vagina can add a bit of raunch to your storyline without even trying. These “vulgar” phrases have naughty connotations to them because they are only typically used in dirty talking scenarios.
“I want your hard cock in me right now”
“I want to feel your hard dick inside me”
“I want your tight, wet pussy”
“Fuck me with that big, hard cock”
“I can’t wait to taste that dripping wet pussy”
Nothing is less sexual than someone saying things they don’t mean and trying to be coy about it...because it comes off as very unnatural and awkward.
Don’t say things you’re not interested in and don’t pretend to be someone you’re not (unless that’s actually part of the game, then by all means: role-play away!).
There are no examples here - that’s the point!
Do what feels natural to YOU!
There is no “right” way to talk dirty and you will find that what you want (and what you say) changes over time depending on the things you like and the partner you have. Even day to day, your preferences in what you want to say (and what you want to hear) can be totally different.
It doesn’t have to be raunchy, it doesn’t have to be intense, it doesn’t have to be dramatic...unless you want it to be.