You, Your Partner, and Pornhub

Do you feel like Pornhub is the third wheel in your relationship? Is porn a bit of a sore topic for you, or have you never really talked about it before with a partner?

Whether you’re in the casual dating scene or a long-term relationship, porn is sometimes a bit of a taboo topic and certainly no one’s idea of casual date-night conversation. And at this point, I’m asking myself one question: why?

When up to 12% of the websites on the internet are porn-related in nature, why is this topic sometimes so difficult to talk about with our partners?

Maybe you’ve steered clear of the subject of porn use because you feel your kinks are “too far fetched”. Or maybe you fear judgment from your partner or think they will be upset and want to avoid hurting their feelings.

But did you ever think that talking about porn could actually bring you closer together? Because it can.

According to this Scientific American survey, women whose partners are honest about their porn use are much happier in their relationships.

In this survey, 340 heterosexual women answered a questionnaire about sex and relationships. Those who reported their partners being honest about their porn use also scored higher in the relationship satisfaction section, as well as having lower levels of distress over their partner’s porn habits.

Here are 6 (maybe surprising) reasons why talking about porn with your partner can actually help your relationship.

Setting Boundaries, Knowing Each Other’s Limits

Setting boundaries for what you feel comfortable with in terms of porn use ensures you and your lover are on the same page about what’s allowed in your relationship and what’s not.

Are you totally for porn, understand why it’s appealing, but would just rather not know when/if your partner watches it? Maybe you’re not okay with the thought of your partner watching porn and find it offensive. Or maybe you are interested in watching porn together.

Whatever your stance on porn is, talking about those limits and setting healthy boundaries can make your relationship stronger.

For instance, a rule you set regarding porn could be something like “no live cam use.” This means non-interactive porn only. And then, by sharing your concerns with your partner and coming up with some “ground rules” for porn use, you are left feeling more comfortable and secure in your relationship, knowing certain boundaries won’t be crossed.

It’s Incredibly Intimate & May Even Bring You Closer Together

Sharing your kinks, fetishes, and fantasies with someone can be surprisingly intimate. It’s a whole other level of vulnerability.

Whether you have been together for 7 months or 7 years, sharing this part of your life with your partner can be one more way to become closer as a couple. In relationships, I think most of us can agree that secret-keeping is high up there on the no-no list, and secrets about porn are no exception.

You may think you’re keeping this secret to save yourself from an argument or maybe to avoid some awkwardness, but in reality, keeping porn a secret in your relationship can potentially cause even more problems.

It’s HOT (and Could Potentially Lead to Better Sex)

Knowing what turns your partner on (aside from you, that is), can make you feel like you’ve got a secret weapon in your sexual arsenal.

Couples who talk about porn may also watch porn together, which can be the spice your sex life never knew it needed! Not to mention finding something new and exciting (like a new position) to try can lead you into a whole new world of sensual bliss together.

It’s Empowering

Porn is much more talked about in a man’s world - but women like porn too! In fact, did you know that 1 in 3 porn viewers at any given time are women ?

Explaining to your partner what turns you on and what kind of porn you like to watch when you’re going solo can be such a rush. For a long time, women were told not to talk openly about their sexuality, as it was considered “not ladylike” or “indecent” - and I say to hell with that.

It’s incredibly sexy and very empowering to own up to your fantasies and be proud of your sexuality.

It Can Resolve Tension About the Subject

Maybe this has actually been a bit of a sore spot in your relationship in the past.

Finding incognito tabs left open, naughty search history, stored pictures on their phone...it can feel bad. Really bad. But part of the reason it can feel bad is that it was a secret.

Being honest about your porn use doesn’t have to mean watching it together or having in-depth discussions about it - it can simply be acknowledging that in your relationship, one or both of you occasionally watch porn.

Even something as simple as one conversation can break the tension and resolve leftover resentments about the subject.

It Boosts Your Confidence

I never thought I’d say that knowing what kind of porn my partner watched made me feel BETTER about myself...but after a while, it really did!

Knowing what kind of porn your partner watches can leave you feeling...inadequate. Because let’s face it - the majority of porn is far from realistic (albeit very visually appealing). Even amateur porn can be played up a bit.

Realizing that can help you turn porn into more of an erotic TV show rather than something to compare yourself to. Once you reframe it like that, you stop comparing yourself to such unrealistic ideals that totally kill the mood.

Maybe it can even give you some ideas on how to treat your partner to something special...like buying the same panties their favorite porn star wore or recreating favorite sex scenes.

In the end, your porn use and whether you talk about it with your sexual partners is totally up to you. Will you and your partner always agree on porn use? Likely not. Tastes vary, boundaries are different and people have different experiences with it.

But really, shouldn’t talking about porn be a good idea? Isn’t the end goal to be able to have the kind of relationship where you feel comfortable enough to be open and honest about yourselves?