As we know playing by yourself can be fun but it’s always better to play with others. It can be a daunting task to go from sitting at your desk reading articles to interacting with real people in the BDSM community. Luckily, it’s way easier than you think but you have to be willing to throw away most of what you’ve learned from the media and enter with an open mind.
Hence, we are going to show you, newbies, a few methods to work your way into the kinky space and find some fun, safe BDSM Clubs.
We’d love to tell you that a BDSM club is a leather paradise full of whips, bondage and orgies but this simply is not true. The media, ahem’ “50 Shades of Grey” and fiction portray BDSM like this in order to satisfy consumers' fantasies. However, we can’t really blame them as they are fantasies for a reason. But this news shouldn’t burst any bubbles as getting involved in the real-life BDSM space can certainly elevate your sexual experiences, even if it isn’t what you always dreamed about.
A BDSM club is an event where lovers of the kink congregate to socialise or “play” the technical term for engaging in BDSM related sexual activities. BDSM clubs can be held in all manner of places ranging from private house parties to dance clubs complete with DJ booths and dancefloors.
Meetups amongst members of the BDSM community have different purposes. Not every event is a full-on sex party so it’s important to plan ahead. The last thing you want to do is show up scantily clad at someone's house when everyone else is fully clothed. Some events are known as munches which are simply drinks or dinner parties where people interested in joining their local community go to socialise. Getting acquainted and making friends in the local scene is the best way to get invited and start getting involved in the playing.
Although sex with strangers isn’t an impossible suggestion at a BDSM club it’s also about building trust and knowing that you’re a friendly face that they can confide in to express their sexual fantasies.
To be welcomed and follow the correct BDSM etiquette we must learn a few ground rules first. In the modern depiction of BDSM, Hollywood and sex stories tend to gloss over consent and negotiation to increase the erotic intensity. However, when engaging with real people in a safe sexual space, these two things are crucial to any interaction you have down there. So don’t make the mistake of being handsy if you are not welcome to.
It’s also important to stress the idea of being open-minded. Arrogance and ignorance are never sexy so it’s really not welcome in a BDSM club. Depending on the type of meeting you’re attending you will see a number of weird and wonderful attire. There will be all sorts of body parts on display openly but this doesn’t mean that you can pass a lewd comment. Most kink lovers who regularly attend these events appreciate being spoken to as if they’re fully clothed until consensual playing begins so be respectful.
The number one piece of advice for newcomers is to be friendly and not creepy. A club dedicated to sexual practices has even more of a reason to try and vet who you trust and confide in. Many people in this space wish to remain anonymous and keep it as a separate part of their day to day lives. Hence, if you run into a colleague or friend from your local gym a simple nod of acknowledgement will be enough as opposed to running up to them and outing them in front of their playmates.
Now that you’re a little more familiar with the BDSM way of life we can start to introduce you to getting started.
Finding a BDSM club can be difficult if you’re not sure where to start. Back in the day things would have all been word of mouth but thanks to the internet these communities branch out and reach fellow like-minded individuals to play with. Most of our solutions will be online but there are some real-life networking scenarios on here for those that prefer to do things the old fashioned way.
Since the dawn of dating apps, there has been the release of a dating platform for just about every interest on the planet. Thus it’s only fair that BDSM dating apps get their moment to shine. Sites such as BDSMdatingonly specialise in finding a partner with the same kinks as you.
There are search filters to work through the wide selections of interests such as being a dom, a sub or a switch. Users can select these in order to search by them or place them in their bio. Understandably some of you might be thinking “I’m not looking to find a BDSM partner” but here’s the catch. Connecting online with other BDSM enthusiasts in any way, even a romantic interest, is a great method of working your way into the community.
The chances are that for people who consider BDSM to be the criteria by which they choose their partners, it's likely that they are going to be no stranger to a BDSM club or meetup. The best thing about these dating apps is they aren’t just for finding a partner. They’re great for finding friends and building relationships based on a common interest.
So get those pickup lines ready and get matching!
A Burger Munch or munch is a social gathering for those who are looking to become part of the BDSM scene. The meeting was named Burger Munch as these gatherings were initially held in steakhouses where the attendees would eat burgers and get to know each other. Munches are the perfect opportunity to get involved in the BDSM community and with this comes the chance to find out and attend BDSM clubs.
A few things about Munch etiquette before you go in and start grabbing collars. A Munch is strictly a social gathering and not a time to play. People who go to these meetings are simply looking to socialise and not really talk shop unless encouraged. The dress code is usually casual depending on where the munch is held so don’t arrive all leathered up, however, a subtle BDSM touch to your regular outfit should get a good reception. Another thing to bear in mind is don’t go too hard for people's personal information. After all many people consider this a special part of their private life and don’t want it to spill over into their everyday lives.
Going to your first Munch can be intimidating so consider taking a partner or friend to accompany you to this event. The goal of a Munch is for all in attendance to get to know each other a bit better before they consider playing at a later date. Being overly sexual and aggressive could be perceived as inappropriate as it’s not the time or place. Also, some people will be wearing collars which indicate that they are a Sub. But, don’t get your hopes too high as it is a sign of being in a committed submissive relationship with another Dom meaning you’ll have to take it up with them before pursuing.
Because of the nature of BDSM Munches, they are regularly advertised online as they are essentially just a regular dinner party with like-minded BDSM lovers. Websites such as FindaMunch are a directory for Munch events being held all around the world. They aren’t as active as they once used to be due to covid but another alternative could be to search on forums such as Reddit which we’ll get onto in a moment.
A BDSM meetup is different to a munch as this time there may well be playing involved. These events are about the kinky side of things and often serve as an introductory class or seminar for newcomers. These are the perfect introduction to the lewd side of things as hosts create a fun and safe environment to start learning about the BDSM lifestyle.
With this in mind, these events also serve as a play space for seasoned kinksters hosting specific play experiences to partake in. BDSM meetups are also great for finding partners and playmates to enhance your sexual experience. Sometimes people travel from all over the world to attend big events so making friends, playing and networking can give you an idea of what events to attend and becoming a part of BDSM clubs internationally.
Finding a BDSM Meetup is a lot easier and more casual than you’d think. Popular social group websites such as Meetup allow for BDSM events to be advertised. You can opt to sign up for local, in-person events or online meets to participate in various different activities. Some are online BDSM video dating and others are even fetish parties! So sign up and get stuck in.
For as long as the internet has been around forums have been used to bring people of similar interests together. Fetishes and BDSM are no exception, in fact, they usually tend to be rife with kinksters looking to share and discuss the latest ongoings in the community. Hence this is our chance to get involved and learn more about BDSM clubs and events.
Places like Reddit sometimes get a bad rap for their fetish communities but with a user base as big as theirs you’re bound to get a few bad eggs and a little bit of chaos. However, it’s unfair to say that amongst the millions of fetish Redditors that there aren’t some great people to interact with. Some of the best threads to chat and share are r/BDSMcommunity and r/BDSMAdvice. These communities strive to be a warm, inclusive and friendly space to gain relationship advice and education on BDSM topics.
A good sign of a helpful forum is if they don’t allow overtly sexual material or graphic content otherwise there isn’t much separating it from a porn thread. This is more of a social and advice column to explore your fetishes and get tips on particular techniques. Of course, you have to be 18 or older to access and contribute to the forum.
The community also has a discord where you can chat with BDSM and kink lovers alike. This is the place where if you have any questions you shouldn’t be afraid to ask. The community has over 500k combined followers with moderators to get rid of any scammers or trolls. So, take the time to create a post and integrate with the online BDSM community. It's highly likely that you’ll be able to find a BDSM club here.
Online fetish communities are perfect to work your way into BDSM parties. Similar to Reddit threads these are forums specially dedicated to sharing everything BDSM related. We’re talking, events, advice, questions and answers all for the love of the kink. What sets these apart from Reddit threads are the people who use them. This is not to say that the Reddit thread is full of trolls but it’s easier for someone to stumble across something on Reddit as opposed to searching for a specific online BDSM community website.
A benefit to using these online communities is it’s a fun and safe way to get to know everyone. Behind the alias of a username, it helps to prevent some of the anxiety you might feel as a first-time kinkster. We recommend not using your government name on the site for obvious reasons.
Websites like The Cage are completely free online forums created by and for the community. The site comes with a blog section where users can submit their works as well as an open conversation and debate section for users to share their ideas on BDSM matters. Users can also access the magazine section that contains frequently updated information, erotica and an advice & tips column to read through.
The section that we might want to pay close attention to is the events calendar. The Cage keeps their users up to date with the latest BDSM parties, clubs and conventions that are taking place all over the world. Each listing explains what you can expect from each event complete with ticket prices and a link to the official website which is pretty convenient if I do say so myself.
Another more powerful alternative is FetLife, an official social network for the BDSM community. They describe themselves as “Facebook run by kinksters like you and me” which sounds significantly more fun than the original. FetLife is by far the biggest BDSM community speculated to have over 10 million members signed up completely for free. Simply create a profile filling out your gender, and sexual orientation and choose a role that best defines you within the BDSM community.
After this, members of the site are free to post pictures, videos and stories that express their wildest fantasies. Like normal social media people comment, reach out and connect with each other over chat messages. The website is very well moderated removing anything that is violent, abusive or non-consensual. Obviously here the world is your oyster, it’s very common to discuss BDSM clubs and events so get involved.
A brief side note on staying safe when searching for BDSM clubs and attending meetings, in general, is to avoid giving away any personal information that can be linked to your day to day life. Like most things in the world, a few bad people give the community a poor reputation so your safety is paramount. Always try to attend events with a friend or partner to keep an eye on each other. Alcoholic beverages are sometimes served but not always as people will already be doing some quite risque stuff, so organisers like to make sure that participants are in full control of their decisions.
Finally on our list is some old fashioned networking. BDSM conventions are surprisingly easy to come across with a quick Google search or a browse on some of the sites we previously mentioned. These conventions aren’t always large scale events rammed with a sea of people, sometimes they are smaller meets with 20-30 attendees in the local community. Regardless, connecting with veteran members as a first timer can be an awesome way to integrate and get yourself invited to BDSM club events.
Most of these events will have demonstrations for newcomers to help break the ice and set the standard of the playing that will be taking place. Sometimes events will have a particular theme or niche within the BDSM space so be mindful of this. If you’re a male dom walking into a femdom party you’re likely going to feel a little out of place having to bend to their will. A pro tip is to avoid signing up for these events using your personal social media or email address, it’s always good to have a burner.
Just remember that before engaging in any play the etiquette is to make boundaries clear to ensure a safe experience for all parties involved. Sometimes it will be more than just one on one action so it’s important to look after one another.
Hopefully, now you’ve got a few ways in mind to get your foot in the dungeon door and start living out your BDSM fantasies. Be safe and play nice!
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