When it comes to oral sex, deep-throating seems to be this mystical, magical thing that feels incredibly difficult to achieve but ever-so-desired (by both the giver and receiver). As with most sexual activities, you may already have some preconceived notions about deep-throating from porn.
Let me set one thing straight: deepthroating your man is not nearly as terrifying as you’re thinking it is right now. In fact, you may be surprised, with just a few tips and tricks, how easy it will become for you to do.
Just temporarily forget everything you think you know and let’s just start with the basics...
While it sounds pretty self-explanatory for anyone who may have found their way to research the topic, let’s actually talk about what happens during a deep throat blowjob.
During a typical blowjob, you would lick, suck, use your hands, etc - you basically work the guy’s penis (like it’s your job) using your mouth in a variety of different ways.
During a deep throat blowjob, the giver (that’s you) puts as much of the penis into their mouth (sometimes the whole thing depending on size and your ability). When you do this, the penis will be pushed back deep into your throat, which can sometimes cause you to activate your gag reflex or for your eyes to water.
Why do I have a gag reflex during blowjobs?
The gag reflex (known as a laryngeal spasm) is simply a contraction of the back of the throat that is triggered by an object (in this case, a penis) touching the area around your tonsils or the back surface of your throat. This reflex can help prevent you from choking on food, but it actually is what causes you to feel like you’re choking during a deep throat blowjob.
Can you stop a gag reflex?
If you are someone who likes to give deep throat blowjobs and wants to get better at it, one of the biggest questions you likely have is if you can prevent that gag reflex from happening. The short answer is yes, there are some things you can do in order to prevent, stifle, or lessen your gag reflex. For more information on that, read here.
There are lots of myths and misconceptions surrounding the world of oral sex. Deepthroating is one of those things. Some feel it’s not possible, others feel everyone should be able to do it, some may even think blowjobs and deepthroating are one and the same.
Let’s smash some myths before we get into the tips and tricks.
A blowjob is different from deep throating.
A blowjob, in the simplest terms, is using your mouth to stimulate a man’s penis. Deep throating, on the other hand, is when you go beyond using your mouth, taking him deeper in so he touches the back of your throat (hence the name). So - all every deep throat is a kind of blowjob, but not every blowjob involves deep throating.
No one just knows how to deep throat.
People who are skilled in the art of deepthroating have practiced it. How do I know this? Because taking a penis that far into your mouth/throat goes against what your body finds natural. Almost everyone has a gag reflex that will be activated when this happens, and people who are able to deepthroat really well know how to do it from practicing how to do it.
Almost everyone can learn how to deep throat better (if they want to).
Deep throating, like many other sexual acts, just takes some practice to get better at it. If your partner is interested in getting better, there’s a good chance they will. However, deep throating isn’t for everyone. Many people have difficulties with it due to past (bad) experiences or just simply don’t enjoy performing the act on their partner. There is also the chance that they have a small oral cavity or medical concern that makes deepthroating impossible. All feelings on this (and any other sexual act) should be communicated and respected.
Your partner should not expect you to immediately know how to do this (or attempt to force themselves deeper without your consent).
Obviously, a good partner will understand that this can be a difficult and uncomfortable thing at times, and they should be making sure you’re physically and mentally content with attempting to learn this skill. Additionally, some people may feel the urge to force you to take them in deeper as you’re deep throating. If you do enjoy a hand on the back of your head guiding you and pushing you harder, then this needs to be communicated before you start. A partner should never do this without your knowledge and prior consent.
It does not make swallowing easier, but you can get used to swallowing this way.
Where this misconception came from, I have no idea. Swallowing during a deep throat blowjob is going to feel really difficult at first, but you can get used to it. It can also ensure that you don’t taste the semen (when he cums while he’s in the back of your throat), which is also something that sometimes activates the gag reflex if you’re not used to the taste.
While no one is just automatically good at deepthroating, there are lots of things (I repeat: lots of things) you can do to make this easier and more enjoyable for everyone involved.
You need to relax.
This is the most important thing you can do. It seems logical, but you may be surprised how unrelaxing it is to have something poke at the back of your throat.
Similar to how relaxing and un-tensing will make anal easier, more comfortable, and less painful, getting into a relaxing state of mind (and actually relaxing your throat muscles instead of tensing them) is what will make this much easier for you.
During oral sex, your muscles are going to want to tense up, especially if you’re already thinking you’re going to gag or struggle. Relaxing your body and your mind before you start giving oral sex is the key to ensuring you’re not overthinking with your mind or your muscles.
Breathe properly and evenly.
Believe it or not, there are right and wrong ways to breathe during oral sex. When you are deepthroating, it’s obviously going to be a bit more difficult to breathe through your mouth - so you’re going to have to breathe through your nose.
A few extra breathing tips to make things easier:
Don’t overthink.
When giving blowjobs, sometimes we focus on our mouth movements too much and it becomes this thing that we focus on: am I sucking enough, is my tongue moving around enough, am I going deep enough, etc. The key to a good deep throat blowjob is to just let the penis go as far into your mouth as possible.
Let your lips do what they want to do.
Naturally, at some point, your lips are going to want to part to take more in. When you let your mouth fall open, your tongue naturally falls deeper into your mouth and your throat opens more, allowing for more of him to go deeper inside.
A little training never hurt…
If your gag reflex is a big problem, there are some things you can do (as I mentioned before) that will, over time, make your gag reflex less active.
Bad Girls Bible has a great tip: use your finger (or the handle of a toothbrush or a small dildo) to “normalize” the sensation. Place it into your mouth and gently edge towards the back of your throat. When it triggers your gag reflex, consciously try to suppress it and hold the object there for a second. While doing this, maintain breathing through your nose and relaxing your throat. This will take some practice. Each time you do this, try to leave the object touching the back of your throat for a little longer than the previous time. Eventually, you’ll get better at it.
Hum or moan, it makes things interesting.
A simple but amazing technique while giving a deepthroat blowjob is to hum or let yourself moan while he is deep in your mouth. The vibrations provide a new kind of pleasure that he’ll love. Doing this when he is about to climax is even better.
Use your hands.
While his whole penis is in your mouth, your hands can be busy cupping or massaging his balls, digging your nails into his thighs, or squeezing his butt and helping him thrust in and out of you. While, in the beginning, you may only be able to focus on deepthroating him (and not gagging), eventually letting your hands wander his body will come naturally.
Don’t be afraid to lube (him) up.
Lube is so underrated. That’s my hot take of the day. Why some people shy away from lube, I’ll never know. There is nothing wrong with using lube in any situation - it makes things so much easier most of the time, deep throating is no exception to that. As with many other sexual acts, you are going to want to be as wet as possible to make things easier for you both. Using a flavored lube will not only allow you to take him into your throat easier, but it will also give you a nice sweet taste while you’re on the job. What’s not to love about that?
When it comes to flavor choices, there are tons to choose from: lemon, strawberry...even pumpkin spice.
Don’t rush it.
If you rush this, not only will it be uncomfortable for you, but it can actually be a bit painful for him. If there isn’t enough lubrication or you don’t take your time, it will not only feel unpleasant but can totally ruin the mood. Start with a regular blowjob, taking him into your mouth, coating him with saliva, and then letting him back out. Work your way up to the deep throat, don’t try to start there.
(Don’t) open wide.
Alright...so let me explain something: when you make the “yawn” movement with your mouth, the opening of your throat actually closes a bit. It doesn’t open like the rest of your mouth. When you attempt to “open wide” to take more of him in, it actually has the opposite impact. What you want to do instead is to let your mouth “fall” open and guide him in, slowly opening a bit more as he goes deeper. This will ensure you’re not accidentally tensing your throat muscles.
You can fake it.
Too Timid actually had some exceptionally great advice I had to include here. Fake it! While I’m not a fan of faking anything in the bedroom, there is a way you can simulate deep throat sensations without actually deep throating your man.
“To do this you take your tongue and put it on the roof of your mouth, effectively blocking his penis from sliding down your throat. You then stroke him into your mouth, letting your partner's penis push your tongue back farther, but creating a tight spot between your tongue and the roof of the mouth. This allows your partner to feel like they are going deeper when you really aren't!”
Throat spasms (an advanced technique) are something he will love.
You may need to become a bit more experienced in deepthroating (and used to the feeling) before attempting this, but when he is all the way in your mouth with his tip touching the back of your throat, causing your gag reflex to occur, your throat will naturally tighten. When you’ve mastered how to suppress your gag reflex and breathe through it, you’re able to make your throat spasm (the reflex) a few times in a row, which feels amazing on the tip of his dick.
Use a toy on yourself while you’re deep throating him.
While it may seem difficult to concentrate, that’s kind of the point! Some of the most successful deep throating sessions I’ve had have been while a toy is being used on me, because I’m not as concentrated on how to deep throat properly. I’m extremely relaxed, allowing myself to live in the moment, going with the flow and it just happens. While this may not work for everyone, I highly suggest you open your naughty drawer and grab your go-to vibe next time you want to try deepthroating - just to see how it works!
Stick out your tongue and lick his balls - he’ll love it.
This one is a bit more advanced, similar to the throat spasm tip. When he’s deep in your throat, stick your tongue out. Depending on his length, you may be able to tickle his balls with the tip of your tongue, which is a feeling he will absolutely love. Doing this also allows your throat to relax a bit more, which means he can go even deeper.
What are the best positions for deepthroating? You may be surprised to learn that the position you (and your man) are in can make all the difference when it comes to how easy and comfortable deep throating is for you.
Lying on your back, head hanging off the bed.
This is probably the position I have the most luck in, so I thought I’d include it first. You lie on the bed, on your back. You can hang your head off the edge of the bed so that the base of your neck is along the edge of the mattress. He will stand in front of you and slowly guide his penis into your mouth. This allows for a straight line from the opening of your mouth to the back of your throat, making it much easier for him to go all the way in.
Kneeling in front of him.
The “kneeling in front of him” position is by far the most popular when it comes to blowjobs, right? Does it work for deep throating? Yes - but it’s not one of my personal favorites. Why? Because there are easier ways of doing it.
If you wish to try this position, simply kneel in front of him as if you’re giving him a regular blowjob while he stands. He can also sit, but this, again, makes it a bit more difficult. Place your mouth over his penis and guide him into your mouth until he reaches the back of your throat.
He lies on his back, you kneel in front of him.
In this position, he is lying on his back on the bed and you are kneeling over top of him. This is similar to the last position, but a bit easier, because he’s lying down and not standing upright, allowing you to better control how far into your mouth/throat he goes.
Do you still have questions? Don’t worry, I have answers! I’ve searched the web for the most commonly asked questions about deepthroating so you have all the best information, all in one place.
Does everyone have a gag reflex?
Everyone has one, but the sensitivity of it is what is different. 10-15% of people have a “hypersensitive” gag reflex (HGR), which means it will be activated much easier than with others.
Can you stop your gag reflex?
When it comes to gag reflexes, everyone is different. Some individuals barely struggle at all, making it appear as if they have no gag reflex, and some have very intense/strong reflexes. Similarly, some are able to suppress or stop the reflex, and some are not. If you’re interested in attempting to stop your gag reflex in order to give better deep throat oral sex, I think the best thing you can do is practice. The more you do it, the more your body will get used to the sensation.
What do I do with all this saliva?
Don’t be afraid of spit. Spit is good, especially when you’re trying to take something into the back of your throat. The wetter, the better. Many guys actually find it sexy, to give “sloppy” blowjobs and deepthroats. My advice? Just let it happen. Just be prepared to get a little messy.
Does throat numbing stop gag reflex?
A throat spray (with numbing action) may be something you’re considering if you have a strong gag reflex. When it comes to using numbing sprays for sexual activities, I’ve always been a little hesitant. Why? During sex, when you feel uncomfortable, it’s an indication to stop what you’re doing and listen to your body. When you numb that feeling/sensation, you don’t feel anything, and you may end up causing more difficulties once the numbing wears off. For example, during anal play, some choose to use a numbing spray. Then, once the numbing wears off, they realize their partner was too rough and they spend the next few days not being able to sit properly without a cushion under them.
Personally, I would just avoid numbing sprays. However, if you do choose to use one, consider consulting your doctor first or, at the very least, follow the instructions very carefully.
Does holding your thumb get rid of your gag reflex?
Does holding certain pressure points really alleviate your gag reflex? Well, it can. One of the most common ways to attempt this is to squeeze your thumb in your fingers, hard. While this is a widely circulated rumor for controlling your gag reflexes during deepthroating, there actually is some merit to it.
According to Mind Hacks, research has gone into examining the effectiveness of this trick during dental exams, and patients who did this were immediately soothed of their gag reflex while in the dental chair. Will it work for you? Give it a try!
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