Are you interested in spicing up your sex life but have no idea where to start? BDSM starter kits are a thing! Before we dive into what exactly is in a BDSM starter kit, let’s talk about a few things you need to know before introducing BDSM into your life.
Firstly - what does BDSM stand for?
Bondage/Discipline
Dominance/Submission
Sadism
Masochism
While this might seem straightforward if you understand what each of those words means, there is a lot (I repeat: A LOT) packed into those four letters. If you’re interested in introducing BDSM to your sex life, read more about that here. Now...let’s talk about BDSM starter kits.
A BDSM starter kit is just what it sounds like: a starter kit for diving into all things BDSM play. Immediately, you may be thinking of a blindfold and handcuffs - but here’s the thing about starter kits: they can be as generic or as unique as you’d like them to be!
You could buy a BDSM starter kit...
There are plenty of BDSM starter kits, already pre-made and ready for fun, that you can order online from various retailers. I’ll dive into some of our top picks below, but the thing you should know about these ones is that they are zero hassle. You find a kit you like online, you order it, it arrives and you start to have fun, testing out each thing in your new kit of fun.
This is a good way to go if you’re unsure about BDSM as a whole and really don’t have any idea where to start. These premade BDSM kits are really helpful when you just want to add something new and fun into your sex life but aren’t totally certain what that should be. These kits come with lots of small things you can try that aren’t too intimidating (such as blindfolds, bullet vibrators, handcuffs, etc).
...Or you could try to DIY!
The fun thing about BDSM starter kits is that there really are no rules. Anything can be in this kit. With this in mind, if you did have a particular fantasy in mind, a certain kink you’re hoping to fulfill, you could create your own BDSM starter kit by ordering specific things online and putting together a kit of your own.
One of the easiest ways to go about owning a BDSM starter kit is to buy one. Sex toy retailers online and shops in the real world will have premade starter kits that, according to them, feature products that are easy for first-time users.
As someone who has written about BDSM, reviewed sex toys, and worked in a sex toy store, I have an idea of how accurate (or inaccurate) some of those starter kits would be. Naturally, I kept this in mind while researching and I’ve compiled a little list of some of the best BDSM starter kits that I feel would be natural and fun to incorporate into your sex life.
CalExotics Scandal (Submissive) Kit
This kit is perfect if you are interested in: dominance/submission, ownership, teasing, and light pain play.
This kit includes:
“Everybody wants to be a little naughty” is the tagline of this product and really, I think it’s perfect for just that. If you’re someone who is new to the collaring thing, you may or may not want to go with one from a kit. Choosing a collar can be a process, or you can just go for one you like (or one that comes in a kit, just to give it a try). Additionally, the cuffs in this kit look very comfortable and not at all daunting.
LoveHoney Tie Me Up Weekend Kit
This kit is perfect if you’re interested in: lighthearted fun, a casual and safe introduction to light bondage, experimentation, and romance.
This kit includes:
First of all, how cute are the nipple clamps in this kit? I love them!! Secondly, this is the perfect (I repeat: PERFECT) kit if you’re looking to have some effortless fun on a weekend vacation with your spouse or partner. The cute little bag makes for easy travel and none of these things scream: “extreme BDSM.” With this kit, you can experiment in a romantic and effortless way.
This kit is perfect if you’re interested in: bondage, light impact/pain play, restriction, and dominance/submission.
This kit includes:
This is your basic BDSM kit, even adding in those novelty rose petals for some fabricated sensuality. While I think the rose petals may be a bit tacky, the rest of this kit looks great to me! The whip is something that’s not in a lot of BDSM starter packs because it is a bit more advanced (or a bit more niche, I should say) - not everyone is interested in impact play. However, if you are - this kit is for you!
LoveHoney “All Tied Up” Bondage Kit
This kit is perfect if you’re interested in: bondage, sensory play, teasing and edging.
This kit includes:
This is a starter’s BDSM kit with a bit of a kick. I think the added vibrator and cock ring really seal the deal for me on this as the ultimate teaser’s BDSM starter kit. If you’re someone who likes to tie up your partner and tease them before you please them, this kit is absolutely something you’ll love.
Interested in building your own BDSM starter kit? SAME.
This idea sounds so fun because you can really customize your kit to includes things that cater to specific fetishes you and your partner have. Not only that, but this kind of kit can grow as you do, swapping out and replacing things with more intense things as you get more comfortable with the BDSM scene.
What’s in a BDSM starter kit? Of course, with DIY, that’s up to you...but some common starter kit items include…
While we’ve now gone over some of the “typical” things that go into a DIY BDSM starter kit, let’s get specific. Of course, these are all just suggestions based on research I’ve done, things I’ve tried, and some chatter from the BDSM community on Twitter. The whole point of building a BDSM kit from scratch is to make it exactly what you want - so don’t forget that!
Sub Shop’s Satin Blindfold and Mouth Gag Combo
This is so pretty. I love purple sex toys or accessories, and the fact that the blindfold and restraint ties are soft satin is a great reason to have them be the first thing in your BDSM starter kit. You can use the satin ties in any number of ways, growing in your adventurousness as you become more experienced.
Dame Fin Finger Vibe
I LOVE this toy. I have one (you can read the in-depth comparison review of it here) and of the 3 finger vibes I own, this one is by far my favourite. While this is a bit pricier to include in a starter kit, it’s very worthwhile. It’s so comfortable to fit in your hand, it’s super easy to clean and it’s very lightweight and cute.
Smith & Wesson Steel Handcuffs
While bondage ropes, restraints and spreader bars are nice, never (ever) underestimate the power of simple steel handcuffs. Handcuffs were one of the first “sex toys” I ever got, and I remember feeling so excited at this one simple thing I decided to take home from the shop. Adding a staple like this to your BDSM starter kit is practically a right of passage, and you can really find infinite uses for them as you go.
50 Shades of Grey Vibrating Nipple Clamps
As much as I dislike this franchise (for reasons you can read about here), these look amazing and have quite good reviews. If you’re looking for nipple clamps but want something a little extra, these are definitely the way to go.
Bondage Boutique Faux Leather (Medium) Silicone Ball Gag
What a mouthful of a name. Also, I absolutely could not resist that joke and I have zero shame in that. At any rate, this ball gag has great reviews (a 4.5 out of 5). The 7-hole buckle ensures you get the perfect fit and beginners say this is just the perfect size of a ball for them. If you’re interested in learning more about gags, read our Ultimate Guide to Choosing Gags!
A Wartenburg Pinwheel
Before ever trying the pinwheel, I really didn’t see the fuss. However, when you use this kind of sensory toy while blindfolded and bound, it is really, really sexy. Feeling the steel pins against your skin will coat your body in goosebumps as your mind races with where your partner will touch you next.
Bondage Boutique Lace Flogger
I really, really love the look of this flogger and it’s got some good reviews. While many beginner floggers have the same specs (about 15-inch fronds), this one stood out to me for two reasons: the handle (complete with hanging loop) and the fact that it is part of a lingerie-inspired lace collection of bondage gear from Bondage Boutique. I love the idea of “matching” your accessories in your BDSM kit.
The Tracy Cox Supersex Beginner’s Bondage Kit
This 5-piece beginner bondage set is perfect for couples who are just starting out on their BDSM journey and are looking for something more sensual and less intimidating. While one reviewer commented that you “get what you pay for” in terms of quality fabric (as in it’s not the best quality), many other reviewers stated this was their very first bondage kit and they absolutely loved using it before moving up to something a bit higher in quality and price.
Fetish Fantasy Feathered Nipple Clamps
These are so cute, I’m literally “adding to cart” right after I finish this sentence. While I do own nipple clamps, they aren’t nearly this cute. I think going for the visually appealing angle with a lot of these things (for a BDSM starter kit) can take some of the intimidation out of trying all these things for the first time, which is why these cute clamps make the cut for our list.
Doc Johnson Japanese Hot Wax Drip Candles
These Doc Johnson candles are by far the most common when it comes to beginner wax play. While the more you get into wax play, the more you can do with it, these candles are great for beginners and easy to incorporate into your BDSM starter kit. If you’re new to wax play and are looking for a tutorial, HelloFlo has a great article on the topic. Lovense also has a very informative article on wax play, available here.
Lube
While there are more popular brands of lubrication, this is a rather personal choice. I will, however, leave some of my favorites here. Back when I worked at a sex toy retailer, Swiss Navy was one of the most popular/trusted brands we carried. Shibari and Astroglide are also great lubrication brands. If you’re looking for flavored lubes, Wet would be my go-to brand.
WeVibe Tango (bullet vibrator)
While I may have some mixed reviews on the whole battery life/charging situation (read my review of the WeVibe tango here to see what I mean), this is a pocket-sized powerhouse that you will be so thankful to have in your starter kit. This looks like a lipstick tube, making it totally unassuming to those who don’t know what it is.
Je Joue Rabbit (bullet vibrator)
This cute little bunny is the perfect fit for a BDSM starter kit. Alternatively to the WeVibe, the Je Joue rabbit bullet vibe has amazing reviews and is also slightly less expensive.
The Versa Tingler Vibrator Cock Ring
When it comes to cock rings, if you’ve never used them before, they can be kind of intimidating. That’s why this cock ring from Adam & Eve is so great - it doubles as a finger vibrator, making it the perfect BDSM starter kit accessory.
Asher Keep Vegan Leather Choker Collar
This is the first collar I owned (and currently the only). I chose it because it was simple and cute, and a great way to dip a toe into the ownership/collared kink. I absolutely love it, though I will say that depending on how hard he pulls my leash (and in which direction), it does come unbuttoned sometimes. However, I do think it’s a good collar for a BDSM starter kit as it’s cute, lightweight, and easy to incorporate into play.
Duotone Tickler
I love multi-use items, especially for a beginner’s BDSM kit. This tickler has feathers on one end and fronds on the other, allowing you to switch things up and try different sensory styles to see what you and your partner enjoy more. It’s also quite inexpensive, so it’s a nice little addition that isn’t too much of a risk.
Tenga Eggs
While there is nothing inherently “BDSM” about Tenga Eggs, I just absolutely love them and they are a really easy item to incorporate into various types of plays (even BDSM play). If you’re into orgasm denial or withholding, these are great to use while your male lover is bound and being teased on the bed.
Whether you decide to buy a BDSM starter kit or build one from scratch, there are a few things you should know about plunging into the world of BDSM.
Everyone does BDSM differently.
While you’ll find hundreds of guides, tutorials, and how-tos on all things BDSM, it’s important to remember that BDSM will look differently for you and your partner compared to John and Jane next door - and that’s okay! That’s the great thing about BDSM starter kits - you can try and test out new things and find your own unique style, the things you like, what intrigues you, and what your limits are.
With some things, you can’t really know how you feel about them until you test the waters.
While you can research your little heart out, there are a few things that you just don't know how you feel about until you test them out. When it comes to testing out toys, try to keep that in mind before splurging on the latest model of something. For example, if you’re interested in e-stim play but aren’t totally sure about it, don’t invest in a $400 wand kit - perhaps start with a smaller e-stim toy to test how you feel about the sensations.
It’s the same with different kinks as well - if you’re interested in bondage, you don’t want to start with the most intricate and intense knots with the toughest ropes there are. Start small, inexpensive, and with a relatively open mind and go from there.
Trust, communication, and consent between partners is essential to BDSM play.
Introducing BDSM to your solo sex life can be a bit daunting because you’re not testing the waters with someone else there next to you, and introducing BDSM to a partner can feel intimidating because you may be worried they will not like the same things you do.
All healthy, positive BDSM partnerships start with trust, consent, and communication.
There are lots of misconceptions about BDSM.
In a world with polarizing content and catchy titles everywhere, you’re going to read a lot of different things about BDSM that may or may not be true. You would be better off to just wipe your mind completely of what you think you know, going into this with a clear and open mind. Learn as you go and leave room for new knowledge as you become more experienced in the BDSM world.
Finding your style will take a while.
It rhymes, so it must be true. This short little sentence can save you a ton of stress, believe me. When it comes to BDSM, it is going to take some time for you to find what you like, what you don’t like, and everything in between. Be patient with yourself and your partner(s) and go into each new endeavor with an open mind.
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