Maybe you’ve heard of fisting, and your main thought was ouch. Or you’ve watched some fisting porn and always kinda wanted to try it. Maybe your only relationship with fisting is laughing at a Cards Against Humanity card combination.
Fisting isn’t as intimidating or crazy as you think. If you’re into kinky sex, it’s definitely something you can try. And don’t worry—it’s possible to do it without breaking your butt or vagina.
Fisting is kinda just what it sounds like. You put your whole fist into someone’s vagina or asshole. Wikipedia says it’s also called “handballing, fist-fucking, brachiovaginal, or brachioproctic insertion,” but let’s stick with fisting. (Punchfisting or punch fucking is an extreme type of fisting, so we’ll leave that alone for now.)
This process takes a long time, uses a lot of lube, and can actually really unite romantic partners. It isn’t violent like a lot of people think (or at least it doesn’t have to be).
You can fist someone’s vagina or anus. Both create the sensation of feeling incredibly full, which can be super hot. Once inside, the giver only really needs to move around slightly to cause the receiver to come. Don’t think of your fist as a massive dildo; it’s something else entirely. That means you don’t have to go around trying to pound them into the ground.
Overall, fisting is a pretty taboo sexual topic and seen as an extreme practice by many. It can be incorporated into many different kinks, and some may even view it as a kink in and of itself.
We don’t know much about fisting in the past. It seems like, at some point in history, someone would have stuck an entire hand up someone’s ass or vagina. But there’s really no record of it until the 1970s.
Therefore, it seems like gay men sort of invented fisting during that decade, or at least brought it back from the dead. It’s largely agreed that it emerged in the backroom of a gay bar in New York City in 1971. From there, it spread to backrooms in San Francisco.
The most famous fisting club in the world was located in San Francisco and called the Catacombs. It operated during the 1970s and 80s. The location was semi-secret and available by referral only.
All of the fisting clubs in the U.S. closed in the 1980s because people thought that unprotected fisting made it easier for people to get or transmit HIV. Plus, most straight people just thought it was scary and icky. Other venues that permitted it, like bathhouses and gay clubs, were closed down, too.
But by then, fisting had spread across the world, including Japan and Europe. Throughout the next 30 years, the practice came back stronger than ever.
Vaginal fisting is most common in lesbian circles. It’s not easy to find any history to back this up, but it makes a lot of sense. Fingering can definitely lead to fisting, if you have enough lube, try hard, and believe in yourself.
Part of the stigma around fisting is just straight up homophobia. Since both vaginal and anal fisting are deeply engrained in queer traditions, people consider them deviant. Little do they know, they’re missing out.
There aren’t a lot of people who aren’t into fisting who are up on their fisting facts. If you’re confused about something, it’s easier to stay ignorant. Well, be ignorant no longer! Here are some misconceptions people have about anal and vaginal fisting.
It’s just the punchline to a joke. No one actually does it.
Oh, you sweet summer child.
We wouldn’t be willing to say that people don’t actually do any sex act you can learn about online. There are people who are down for anything, and god bless ‘em.
Again, maybe not a lot of cishets engage in fisting. But queer people are all over that shit.
There’s not a ton of surveys or studies about fisting. Weird, huh? The closest thing was this sex survey from 2005. It suggests that about 50% of lesbians and a slightly larger percentage of gay men either find fisting hot or engage in the practice.
And here’s the thing: the fact that it’s a punchline rubs us the wrong way. Is it because fisting is mostly a queer sex act? Kind of like when people are like, haha, buttsex?
The answer is yeah, probably.
Fisting is supposed to hurt.
Here’s a fun piece of sex advice for you: unless you expressly want it to, NO SEX SHOULD HURT! If your body is registering pain, you should stop immediately and reassess, no matter what you’re doing.
Fisting shouldn’t hurt. If it does, you might not be using enough lube. Maybe you’re not relaxed or turned on enough. Or maybe you’re nervous. Either way, you should take a break.
If you hurt so much you think you might have really injured something, go to an urgent care or emergency room. It’s important to take care of your body. And you won’t have to be embarrassed. The nurses at the ER have seen everything, promise.
Fisting is just punching the vagina/asshole, right?
Unless you’re at an expert level of BDSM fisting, you won’t be punching anything during your time in Fisting Town.
First, this is because you don’t actually enter your partner with a closed fist. You make a shape more like a duck with a closed mouth. You can also think of it like the hand you make when going into a Pringles can. It’s going to be difficult or damn near impossible to get your hand in there starting from a fist shape.
In addition, once you’re inside, your motions will likely be subtle. It can be overwhelming to have someone inside you so deeply. You’ll probably only need to rotate or move your fingers a little to make them come. At least the first few times, you won’t be thrusting your hand in and out, much less beating up their orifice.
It makes your ass/pussy loose.
Let’s conquer this in two parts and start with the vagina.
Fisting is NOT going to stretch out your pussy. Let’s remember that you can push a literal human baby out of that thing and still have sex that’s just as satisfying. A fist doesn’t have the energy to stretch it out. Your pussy’s much too powerful.
When you stretch your calf muscles, they don’t grow looser. So when you stretch and exercise your vagina muscles, they become stronger, faster, and easier to control.
If you’re worried about your vagina getting looser, you can always do some kegel exercises. They’re super easy to do and won’t hurt anything.
To find your pelvic floor muscles, try stopping your stream of pee while you’re on the toilet. Those muscles are what you’re looking to target. Tighten your pelvic floor muscles for three to five seconds, then relax them for three to five seconds. Repeat this 10 times three times a day.
Hopefully that will put your mind at ease for vaginal fisting.
So for anal fisting, the idea that your ass will get looser might seem true. You are supposed to train your ass beforehand after all, inserting larger and larger objects to get ready for a fist.
However, this isn’t because these toys are stretching your anus out so it’ll soon be as stretched out as a rubber band. It’s training you to relax both your external and internal sphincters for what’s to come.
If you don’t listen to your body and push through anal activities that hurt, you could actually stretch out parts of your anal canal. However, fisting won’t do this if you are careful and conscientious.
The risks of fisting are very minimal, as long as it’s done right. Like any sex act, though, it’s important to take the appropriate precautions.
The fister should wear rubber gloves without powder during the action. For one thing, fingernails or hangnails can scratch up an asshole or a vagina, even if it seems like your nails are short and smooth. In addition, there’s a small chance of STI transmission from open sores on partner’s hands to the fistees genitals or ass. If your partner has HIV or any other STI, or you’re unsure of their status, gloves are extremely important. Even if you’ve both been tested and are fluid bonded, hands are pretty germy, and it’s great to have an extra layer of protection.
Probably the weirdest possible injury is that the top could sprain their wrist during vaginal fisting. This is because the vagina is a very strong muscle, and its contractions could hurt your wrist. A sprain is less likely; you might just get a little cramping or soreness.
Fisting can become very risky behavior if either of the partners are drunk, high, or otherwise impaired. We know, we sound like D.A.R.E. officers, but fisting while you’re not in your right mind is a horrible idea.
For a top, being sober is important because it lets you remember to check on your bottom’s ongoing consent throughout the scene, then figure out what they want and what they can actually take. If you get too excited, you might hurt them.
Having a clear head is even more important for bottoms. When you’re not sober, your pain receptors don’t work properly. If your partner is going too fast and your body doesn’t like it, you might not notice and power through.
This can cause tearing or internal bleeding. While it is rare, it’s not impossible. There are horror stories online of perforated bowels and people needing colostomy bags. You really reduce the chances if you’re going at this thing sober.
If you experience a sharp pain, a tearing or popping sensation, dizziness, excessive bleeding, or intense abdominal pain after fisting, seek medical attention right away.
Communication
If you’re interested in fisting, talk to your partner about it. It’s not a good idea to just try to fist someone on the spot by sticking more and more fingers in, and you shouldn’t try to persuade someone to fist you in the middle of a scene, either.
The best thing you can do is talk in a neutral, non-sexy space. How you bring it up depends on your comfort level with your partner and how you feel about talking about sex in general.
You can simply mention that you randomly came upon an article about fisting and see how they react. You don’t even necessarily have to let them know you’re interested in trying it right away.
But it’s also a great idea to just put it out there. You can tell them there’s something new you might be interested in trying in the bedroom, if they’re into it. By keeping the conversation flirty, it’s less of an ambush.
Make sure you specify which fisting role you’d want to fulfill. A lot of people would be more than willing to fist, but not willing at all to take a fist or vice versa. Your partner might draw the wrong conclusion and be turned off.
Finally, remember that they have a right to say no. If they’re absolutely opposed to fisting, figure out how you feel about that. Don’t try to change their mind.
Stretching
Preparation is most important for anal fisting. You can’t just go from never having put anything in your butt to anal fisting overnight. Training your ass is key.
Ass training preps your butt for anal play. This involves using your fingers and toys to get your butt ready for the fisting it’s been waiting for.
If you’ve never had anything in your ass before, start slow and breathe. It might be a good idea to start solo at first, but your partner can help, too. Try out different fingers and lube yourself up. Then, insert a butt plug. If you’re a beginner, pick the smallest size.
You’ll know you’re ready for the size up when the plug is easy to insert, comfortable to wear for a while, and fun to play with when you move it in and out.
You can get anal training sets on Amazon for pretty cheap, and Adam & Eve has a whole section. Just make sure your toys are made out of body safe materials like silicone or glass.
Even when you’ve trained your ass, it’s probably a good idea to get used to the sensation of getting you ass fucked with a dildo or penis first. This is a different sensation. Although you won’t be thrusting a lot during fisting, it’s still relevant.
Douching
If you’re going to be vaginally fisting, don’t douche. Your vagina is perfect just the way it is, and just washing it in the shower is perfect. Soap and other cleaning products can disrupt your vag’s pH balance.
If you want to engage in anal fisting, you can consider douching. This lessens the chance that there will be any accidents during your session. Plus, many people feel nervous about a poop-related issue, so they’re unable to fully relax for the process. Douching might be the cure.
First, make sure you use the bathroom about 30-60 minutes before your fisting date. You can gently clean with water or an unscented baby wipe. This could be all you need.
If you want to feel a little cleaner, pick up an enema kit from the drugstore. This will generally look like a tube with a big ball on the end. You’ll fill it with the saline that was included. You can also just make it at home using a half teaspoon of salt and a cup of water.
The saline solution is important because douching too much can strip your body of its natural electrolytes. Adding the salt helps fix this, kind of like when you drink Pediasure when you’re hung over.
The temperature needs to be just right. If it’s too cold, it’ll feel very unpleasant. However, if it’s too hot, you could burn your insides, for real. Turn the water to lukewarm, testing it on your wrist like a baby bottle. Then make the water a little colder. That’s the temperature you should use in your enema.
You’ll only need one bulb’s worth of water to clean things out. Don’t go nuts. Overdouching can cause dryness and irritation.
It’s almost time! But first, you’ll need to pick up some supplies. Don’t worry. Nothing too crazy.
You’ll need a lot of lube for fisting. Like, a lot a lot. You can probably use your current favorite lube to get the job done. We have a whole article about choosing the best lube for you and your sexual exploits of choice! You might want to select a water-based one. However, there is one other option.
One of the most popular lubes among fisters is J-Lube. It was actually made for veterinarians to help animals give birth. However, people found out it makes fantastic fisting lube!
You have to mix it up yourself, so don’t use it if you’re not up for a little craft project. The recipe on the bottle is also for a gallon, so if you won’t be needing that much soon, you might have to do some math to scale it back. But honestly, people swear by this stuff.
You’ll need gloves, too. You should be able to pick them up at any drug store. Just make sure they aren’t the powdered kind and that you choose the right size. Also, if you or your partner have a latex allergy, look for an alternative.
However, drug store gloves can look a little surgical and kill the mood. A cool option is the kind of gloves that tattoo artists wear. They’re black, latex-free, and very sleek. You can get a box of 100 of them off of Amazon for under $10.
You’ll need to start with the first component of any good sexual experiment: foreplay! You shouldn’t walk into the bedroom, take off your clothes, and immediately try to fit someone’s fist in your pussy. That’s setting you up for pain and failure.
The muscles in your vagina relax more when you’re aroused. You can do anything you want to turn both of you on and get you in the mood. Of course, feel free to incorporate kink into this experience. It’s okay if you orgasm before the fisting happens; you’ll be able to bounce back.
When the fistee is ready, the top should put the gloves on and insert a finger. Once the receiver is comfortable, they can add another. And another. During this process, make sure you use a shitload of lube. Like, more than you think you’ll need. This is an intense process, and lube will make it easier.
Once the fister has put all four fingers in, hopefully the bottom is begging for more. At this point, try to add in your thumb by placing it in the closed mouth duck position. Your hand will be palm up. If you can get that in, it’s time to work on the rest of the fist.
The knuckles will be the hardest part. Make sure you’ve established a safe word or some way for the fistee to communicate if they’re uncomfortable or in pain. If all signs are go, you’ll be able to get your whole fist inside.
Once it’s in, the bottom will feel a unique sense of fullness. It’s really like nothing else. At this point, the top can clench their duck hand into an actual fist. Ta da!
While inside, the dom’s motions should be slow and small. They can slightly curl their fist or wiggle their fingers. Just these little motions should drive the fistee crazy.
When they orgasm, it will feel completely unique and amazing. You’ll be able to notice every contraction their vagina makes. Even if you’ve felt it on your dick, it’s a completely different thing to feel these contractions on your hand, the primary way you experience touch in the world. It can be a very intense and even romantic experience.
When it’s time to take your hand out, do it slowly. You don’t want to just yank it out. Work it out as carefully as you put it in, returning it to its duck shape on the way out.
It’s likely that the bottom will be spent for the night. After all, who wants another appetizer when they’ve had an absolutely impeccable main course? The top should let them know how well they did, and help them come down from the intense experience.
You can, of course, add fisting into BDSM or other kinks. Just make sure you’re staying safe and not injuring anyone. When you’re ready, you might be able to work up to more intense versions of fisting like fist fucking and punching, but even if you’re kinky, that’s not the place to start.
Anal fisting is generally considered harder than vaginal fisting. This is because the vagina is sorta made to accomodate a whole baby and the anus...is not.
This just means that both parties need to be extra careful and take their time. Like with vaginal fisting, you need to engage in some foreplay. You shouldn’t go into this experience cold. Wait to try fisting until you’re horny enough that you’re practically shivering in anticipation for it (even if you’re a little bit nervous).
It can be a good idea to insert some things into your butt to prepare it for the fist. Butt plugs, dildos, or a partner’s cock are great options. Make sure that you’re using lube already at this point, and the whole rest of the time.
Once both parties are ready, the top will put on gloves and begin inserting fingers. The bottom needs to relax and pay attention to whether they’re experiencing any pain. This is why you need to be sober, and why you shouldn’t be using any numbing lubes.
The top will insert all of their fingers, then slowly go for the thumb, forming the duck beak. If the fistee is still okay, they can insert their whole fist inside.
The bottom will feel very full, which is a unique sensation. They might need a minute before you start moving to collect themselves.
You can insert your hand further in anally than you can vaginally. Some people report going as high as the elbow. However, you need to figure out what your partner wants. Don’t just start pushing further inside them unless they ask you to.
Now, the top can experiment to see what the sub likes. Subtle thrusts can be good, but make sure it’s not causing any pain. You might also twist your hand or wiggle your fingers. Once you find a rhythm, stick with it so your partner (and possibly you) can come.
Once the main event is over, slowly remove your hand. Seriously, go slowly. Once you’re out, do a wellness check with the fistee. Make sure they feel okay and help them out how you can.
Hopefully we’ve demystified fisting. It isn’t any weirder than sniffing used panties or sploshing. It’s just a cool, exciting, nerve-wracking thing that humans do.
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