You light the candles and tighten up your corset, watching him slowly enter the room...your eyes meet and you lower yourself down to your knees, sliding your hands down his body until you reach his thick, hard cock. You let it come to your lips...you pause for a moment and look directly into his eyes. You take him in, gently at first, then you pick up speed...you use a combination of your hands and mouth to make him feel like he’s never felt before until you hear the gasp and moan of climax escape his lips.
While that sounds great - there is a time and place for regular oral sex...but that’s not now.
Let’s be real: “regular” blowjobs are great (who would try to deny it?)...but there are some times where you want fast, hard, rough and wild...and that, kinky lovers...that’s where facefucking comes in.
Facefucking is the not-so-subtle descriptor given to what I refer to as aggressive oral sex.
As you can likely tell be the name, your male partner fucks your mouth as he would during P in V sex. Facefucking can also be female-to-male, with the female in the dominant position (straddling her partner).
What’s the difference between blowjobs and facefucking?
A blowjob can be calm, wet, sloppy, include hand strokes, involve a bit of gagging and teasing...facefucking, on the other hand, is not at all calm, not gentle, typically doesn’t involve any hand action and will most likely involve gagging (it’s pretty much guaranteed, especially for beginners).
Essentially - a blowjob is something you do to your partner and facefucking is that something they do to you. Usually, blowjobs mean you’re in control, facefucking gives the control to your partner.
What is throat fucking?
Throat fucking is, essentially, treating your mouth as if it were your vagina or asshole. While this can sound similar to facefucking, it can be really different. In order to be throat-fucked, you have to first master the art of deep-throat, because (after all), that’s what this is going to be.
The main difference between facefucking and throat fucking is the mindset, really.
Facefucking is simply an aggressive means of oral sex. Throatfucking, on the other hand, is more of a dom/sub “I’m going to use your holes to satisfy myself with no regard for you” kind of thing.
While being in a dom/sub dynamic isn’t exactly a prerequisite for throatfucking, most of the time it’s done with a hint of sadomasochism involved because it can be rough and the person on the receiving end will likely feel the need to gag/vomit and maybe even experience a bit of pain in the process.
Of course, there will need to be rules set up beforehand (as with any BDSM scene, consent is mandatory, especially when dealing with something that can inflict pain or discomfort on your partner) - but in general, the vibe with throat fucking is that you are merely a hole to be used as he wishes.
While this likely sounds wildly erotic to some, others may be questioning just how pleasurable this could possibly be, especially for the one who is having their face...well, fucked.
This can be really, really erotic.
One of my favorite audio porn creators, Girl on the Net, recants a facefucking story of her own: “Because what makes face-fucking the best with this guy is that he knows every twitch and movement. His wilfulness – his desire to pump jizz hard into the back of my throat – comes hand in hand with a desire to know that every thud of his crotch meeting my lips, every hard stroke of his cock as he fucks my face, prompts a simultaneous pulse deep in the crotch of my knickers.”
Like I said...super hot, right?
Well, aside from that obvious point, there are actually several other reasons facefucking is so appealing to both men and women...
It’s (more often than not) a dom/sub thing.
As I said, there is usually a dominant/submissive relationship at play if face or throat fucking is what you’re into. If you and your man are into BDSM and you happen to play the role of slutty submissive then you’re in luck - because this is the perfect sexual activity for you.
One of the main reasons people enjoy this is because the man is clearly in a dominant position (quite literally using his partner’s mouth hole as a way to get himself off). Once you’re more experienced in this, you can incorporate other parts of your dom/sub scene into this - for example, she could be blindfolded or tied up to make things more intense.
The sadomasochism of it all...
There’s rough sex (which we’ll talk about below) and then there’s sadomasochism. Sadomasochism is when you (or your partner) derive sexual arousal and/or gratification from the infliction of physical pain (or humiliation) of themselves or another person.
Now...what does that have to do with aggressive oral sex?
Well...when someone somewhat aggressively fucks your face...it can hurt. The mouth and throat are delicate things (we’ll get more into safety later on in the article) - but yes - there can be a pain/humiliation element to facefucking, which can be the main attraction for some.
We just like rough sex, okay?
Even if you’re not part of some dom/sub equation...there’s always a time and place for rough sex. As I said before...sometimes you want slow and seductive, other times you want fast and hard. Testing out aggressive oral sex can be something you add to your rough sex foreplay adventures.
I’m just testing it out...
Some of you may be interested in testing aggressive oral sex out simply for the ability to experience it. It is, after all, not a “common” thing and there definitely has to be the right mood for it - so let’s say the stars align and you and your man are interested in giving this a go...why not?
When the mood strikes…
One of the most common reasons why I personally enjoy facefucking is because it can be a very mood-based thing. As a switch, I suggest facefucking when I want to be submissive to the point of serving my partner with no regard for sexual gratification on my own. If it’s not something you do regularly it can feel like you’ve both hit the lottery when you finally decide to give it a go.
As I said before, the more common aggressive oral sex happens between a male and a female, with the male being dominant in the situation. There are a few different positions that will help you (the female) relax your feel comfortable, relax your throat and not be in pain (okay, maybe a bit...but the good kind, I promise).
Him on top.
The most common (and by far the easiest) position is with him straddling you.
To picture this, imagine a missionary position, but instead of P in V sex, he’s using your mouth. This means his positioning will be similar to a missionary style, just up closer to your face.
First, you lay on your back. Then, in a straddling position, he will place his knees just under your armpit level. To make this easier (for you), you can wrap your arms around his legs, allowing the inner sides of his legs to be around your ribcage area. To spice this position up (once you’re experienced enough), he can bind your hands above your head with rope or restraints, and give them a little tug as he goes.
You can prop your head up with a pillow or he can lean over you, placing his hands on the bed just above your head while he thrusts.
On your knees.
“On your knees” is thought to be the most common blowjob position and it can work for facefucking, too - it’s just a bit more difficult than the “him on top” position because you’re not as balanced as when you’re laying on your back on the bed.
To accomplish this position, you will need to get comfortable, making sure your knees aren’t going to rub against anything unpleasant (like carpet) as he thrusts, because you may move back and forth a bit as he goes.
First, you lower yourself to your knees. He will be in a standing position and (given your height difference) his manhood should be right at face-level. In order to get a good flow of motion, he may need to hold your head (maybe by your hair, adding a bit of tug to the fun) as he goes.
Dangling your head off the bed.
This is by far the easiest position if you’re looking for deep-throat oral sex because the muscles in your throat are more relaxed if your head is tilted in this position. Your gag reflex is also less likely to be triggered this way.
Lay on your back, with your head at the edge of the bed. The base of your neck should be resting against the edge of your mattress. Make sure there isn’t a possibility of him banging your head into the hard side of your bed frame.
Allow him to enter you very slowly at first and test the waters to see how far in he can go - this is important in any position, but particularly this one because he will be able to go in far deeper.
Some other variation of sixty-nine.
While mutual oral sex might not be a great option when you’re going the aggressive route, you can aim for mutual pleasure instead if you use a vibrator on yourself as he fucks your mouth.
Hands-free vibrators, clitoral stimulators and/or butt plugs are all great options to incorporate some fun for you into the mix.
The less common (and yet some would argue far sexier) form of aggressive oral sex would be when a woman essentially “sits on a man’s face” and well, you know...fucks it. Hey - I never said any of this was romantic - just that it feels amazing (which it does).
What positions are best for this kind of oral sex? Well…
Her on top (obviously)
This one seems to be a bit of a no-brainer, but let’s lay it out. You straddle your man similarly to how he would straddle you - instead of placing your knees at his armpit level you may need to be just above his shoulders so you’re able to lower yourself down to the right spot (you know the one I’m talking about…).
I know what you’re thinking...what on earth is a queening chair? Well...if you don’t know what it is, be prepared to have your mind blown. Queening chairs are used during acts of queening, which is basically when a dominant female sits on top of a submissive partner’s face in order to allow him to perform (rather rigorous) oral sex on her.
Now, this can obviously be done by straddling him, no chair involved...but where’s the fun in that? Why not sit upon your throne like the damn Queen you are?
If you’re interested in learning more about queening chairs (including which ones to buy), check out this guide.
Aggressive oral sex is fun on its own - but add in any one of these extra pleasures and you’ve got yourself a night you will both be wanting a repeat of ASAP.
One of the fun things about oral sex of any kind is the opportunity to get cum literally everywhere (and anywhere) you want it. You can swallow it, spit it, rub it on your tits, have him cum on your back...or you can have him cum on your face.
Letting your man give you a total facial after he’s had his way with you is a totally badass, sexy submissive move that will have him praising you for the good little sub you are.
Working the balls…
When it comes to oral sex...don’t forget the balls! A man’s balls are totally under-rated when it comes to sex, and oral sex is no different.
While it’s a bit different during aggressive oral, as they are likely hitting you in the chin as he goes, there is still an opportunity for pleasure there. A vibrator you can control with one of your hands (if they are free, that is) is a great way to show his testes some love.
Now, this could be a whole other article. In fact, if you’re interested in gags, check out my deep-dive into gag-world (here) - but for now, let’s talk about open-mouth gags and aggressive oral sex.
There are some gags that are designed specifically for this, but using them can be quite dangerous as they do prop your mouth open. I suggest you read reviews, watch tutorials and seek out someone online who has experience playing with open-mouth gags and oral sex to ensure you’re being as safe as possible.
A little something for you, too...
Just because you’re in a submissive position doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be pleasured, too. Adding a hands-free vibe or clitoral stimulator is a great way for you both to experience pleasure.
My suggestion would be a wearable vibrator similar to the We-Vibe Sync, so you don’t have to fiddle around with positions or try to keep it in place as he thrusts (because, as you can imagine, things are going to get a bit rough).
After reading all of that, I know what you’re thinking: “let’s fucking do this!”
Slow down, ladies and gents - because we need to talk about some ground rules, here. Even (read: especially) in the land of facefucking, all our safety bases must be covered: consent, trust, communication, and safe gestures are all must-haves.
Talk about this beforehand.
Although “the talk” is no one’s idea of good foreplay, it’s extremely important when you’re talking about any form of BDSM play, facefucking included. Talk about what positions you’d like to try, establish safe gestures (more on that below) and discuss what to do in case of emergencies (because you never really know)...better safe than sorry.
Come up with safe gestures.
Communicating with your partner about when to stop or ease up can be difficult when your mouth is a bit...full. Coming up with safe gestures (such as a hand signal or even a bell you can ring) is a great way to communicate when to stop.
It’s okay to test your limits, but be honest and communicate with your partner the whole time.
When it comes to BDSM play, testing your limits is totally normal. After all, seeing just how far you can go is part of the fun. But when it comes to potentially dangerous scenes (like aggressive oral sex), you have to be mindful of your body’s limits. Even if you want to keep going, listen to your body. If you notice throat, neck or jaw pain - stop what you’re doing.
Start slow and gentle.
While this is “aggressive oral sex”, starting slow and steady is the best way to get into a good (faster, harder) rhythm. It may take several times practicing to get into a comfortable position and to know how to do this properly so both of you not only are safe but feel good, too.
Don’t be afraid to stop...you can always try again.
If you have to stop, you have to stop...that doesn’t mean you can’t try again later. If you notice any strange pains or are just not completely comfortable with aggressive oral sex at that moment, hit pause and try again another time. As with most sexual activity, it doesn’t come naturally - you have to practice, learn, and practice some more.
Think about role-reversal and keep the conversation going.
Something you need to remember (as he is thrusting away) is that he isn’t in your head - he doesn’t know how far is too far, he doesn’t know when you’re at the point of “too much pain” and he doesn’t know how fast is too fast. You have to be able to communicate those things to him and trust that he is going to respect your limits.
The psychology of aggressive oral sex
As with many BDSM activities, there is a psychological component to it all. How you feel about being “used” as a submissive, how he feels as being “in power” as a dominant and how your dynamic works are things that are intricate and complex. It shouldn’t be brushed off for the sake of sex appeal.
Things like this require lots of consent conversations, trust, responsibility, and practice. While all of that doesn’t exactly scream “sex appeal”, it will be worth it when you can effortlessly pull off the face-fucking of his lifetime and round off the evening with videogames and beer.