Sex should be fun. All day, our society dictates that we take ourselves seriously. That we wade through the world only laughing in the corners of our day – meetings, emails, and the day-to-day of our jobs aren’t spaces we’re taught to let loose. When we’re wearing the weight of that norm all day, it can be hard to let our hair down.
Even in the bedroom. But sex is possibly one of the most important places for us to stop taking ourselves so seriously. It’s a collective creative act with you and your lovers, and is an opportunity to experience life completely enraptured in your moment. Collectively though, we’re too serious when we have sex. Getting down is a treat and a joy, and if laughter isn’t featuring in your intimacy, you’re missing out.
The best cure? A little role play. Pretending to be someone you’re not is a thrill, and like a porno play for two, role playing thrusts you into absurd scenarios where it’s often hard not to laugh. The only problem with role playing is that sometimes it dissolves into enforcing power dynamics. Even if those power plays are flipped for the scene, it’s still rooted in having power over one another.
That push and tug can detract from the fun of imaginative play. So forget doctors and patients, teachers and students, or bosses and secretaries, and dive into the world of role play without power play.
Day in and day out, we act out power dynamics. With our supervisors, with our parents, while dealing with racial and gender inequity, or encountering police officers and professors, those roles are thrust on us whether we like them or not. It can be exhausting.
While some people reclaim their power through role play, sometimes, it would just be nicer to exist in a world where those imbalances don’t exist. We can escape the drudgery of our lives in incredible sex. And role play, after all, is about fantasy. So if your wildest fantasies include cutting out systems of power and control, why not go for it?
Power play while role playing can also make us feel as if we’re just reinforcing systems that don’t serve us. For a long time, I thought that I had to be into that exchange of power to get off on role play, so I tabled the concept. My husband and I both identify as queer, but are in a straight-assumed relationship. This weird juxtaposition makes authority feel uncomfortable for us both. We don’t want to feed into tropes about our assumed genders, and we treat each other like absolute equals in our daily life, so there’s no point in “switching” roles. Wielding control over each other just doesn’t do it for either of us.
Thankfully, I came to my senses recently and realized role play is just an excuse to play. It has the word play in it, doesn’t it? And if there’s one thing I love more than sex, it’s playtime – without anyone being in charge of the other.
Don’t get me wrong. A little power play – or a lot with explicit communication – can be wonderful. Surrendering to another person’s direction, or having the power to make your partner yield are core parts of many people’s sexual identities. But not all of us are called to that expression of sexuality, and if they are, they may not be at all times. Even though some people don’t want to be dominant or submissive, they still want to let that freak flag fly.
Serious love making with candles and whispered “I love yous” has a place in your bed, but when was the last time you tried getting weird? Sex, at its finest, is juicy and strange. Odd noises happen. We should be able to laugh, experiment, and even fail in the bedroom freely.
Role playing in ways that ditch power dynamics at the door can help unlock your silliest, most vibrant, and memorable sex.
Ready to give those imbalances in our society the boot? At least while you’re getting down, you can venture into the bright world of sex where you’re both on delicious, equal ground. The best place to start is with these eight role play scenarios.
Maybe I’m biased because this was the scenario my husband and I chose for our very first role play, but the flight attendant and passenger fantasy is a fun, classic romp. Setting the stage was simple: all it took was one folding chair, my husband’s backpack, and a few choice items from our wardrobes (the “Steve” pin from my Stranger Things costume helped me transform into the perfect flight attendant for Aloha! Airlines). In under ten minutes, we were suddenly on an airplane in the sky. Feeling creative? Throw together a little ticket to paradise, so you have a souvenir from your admission to the make-believe mile high club.
Why it works
Flight attendant and passenger is an excellent choice for beginners because it gives you ample fodder to get the ball rolling. The plot basically writes itself. By taking their ticket at the beginning, you can establish the tone and flirt with each other well before anything spicy begins, and set the tone for you to both be strangers.
Then, with props for drinks, peanuts, and a hot towel, you can have excuses to visit your passenger again and again, until you’re giving them first-class service. One of the best parts about playing flight attendant and passenger? Using all that pesky turbulence to your advantage.
With a fresh twist on a cooking date, you can transform your kitchen into a pleasure chamber. This twist on the teacher and student role gives you a task to focus on, and has built-in food play for all of you who love to get messy while you play.
To get started, choose something easy that you would love to lick off your partner’s body. Desserts or cocktails are both great ideas. Establish one of you as the show host, and the other as the guest, putting a low-stakes twist on the classic teacher/student scenario.
Why it works
The low stakes let you enjoy the fun of an instructional role without the punishment or authoritarian vibes. Instead, the focus is on teaching your partner how to do something, and getting a little messy. Plus, instructional scenarios give you many chances to start touching each other to get the show on the row.
And if you like to get a little messy, this one’s for you. Whether you’re making lasagna you’ll be eating after the fun’s done, or being cunning linguists with references to tossing that salad, food can be a guest star in your final act.
At any stage in your relationship, it’s a thrill to get frisky in new locations of your house. Your kitchen is probably an underutilized sex haven, so play cooking show host and use the counters in ways you’ve never thought about before. And if you’re into impact play, the kitchen is your dungeon, bursting with different spatulas, spoons, and cutting boards to use as inventive paddles.
For all my improv lovers out there, this one’s for you. With a little imagination, this classic scenario from talk shows everywhere can suddenly take on a whole new meaning. Before you begin, choose who will be the show host, and who will be interviewed. Get a surprising persona in hand to make the night more fun. Either choose a celebrity to impersonate, or create a fictional character in an interesting line of work. Even better, choose each other’s personas, and make each other squirm your way to the finish line with new and silly characters.
Let the questions you ask slowly get more intimate, if you’re interviewing, and if you’re being interviewed, give scintillating answers to make your lover blush. You’re in control of how steamy the talk gets, so use the time to explore what dirty talk is like for you. It may just get so hot and heavy, you may even need to demonstrate some of your answers with the interviewer, so the invisible audience knows exactly what you’re talking about.
Why it works
The thing that makes this kind of play stand out is that it is centered around dirty talk. Unlike other role playing scenarios that give you the chance to still be verbally coy, role playing a talk show drives you to communicate in ways you may never have before.
To make it even more erotic, most interviews don’t involve physical contact. Usually, we only say our dirtiest thoughts when our partner’s head is buried between our legs. This time, you’ll be dirty talking without touching, building the anticipation before you even brush your pinky over theirs.
You may find yourself uncovering new kinks or fantasies of your partner’s as you talk, and don’t be surprised if you’re trying something brand new by the end of the night.
Nerd alert! If you’re like me, you love fantasy, sci-fi, and superheroes. I make no claims to be anything other than a big old nerd, and I’m proud . That’s why I stand here, presenting the idea of playing superhero and supervillain – no matter how old you and your partner are.
To get started, you’ll need to come up with a scenario together that gets the scene started. The supervillain may be planning their ultimate world domination while hiding in their lair. Maybe the superhero busts in just as the villain is about to snap their fingers like Thanos – or maybe the villain just broke into the superhero’s home to finally end their feud.
Whatever you choose, go for an idea that excites you both. Then, using the things you have on hand, get into the mood by putting together your finest superhero and villain outfits. Obviously, you are free to make them sexy, but don’t worry if they just look silly. You probably won’t be wearing them long anyway.
With heated words, let the situation ramp up until you’re wrestling on the floor together in the heat of your passionate (faux) rivalry.
Why it works
Superhero and supervillain play offers you the intensity of some of the more power-heavy role play dynamics, minus the power trip. In this scenario, both parties believe they wield the most power, but if you look at it on paper, neither of them are above the other in some way.
This kind of play is also very versatile. If superhero play isn’t your jam, adapt it to be a rivalry of any kind between peers: start-ups, feuding neighbors, competitive chess players, or dueling gymnasts.
Any kind of sparring can lead you to passionate, rough sex in these mutually dominant personas.
Grocery stores are generally not the place to hit on people. If they’re stocking avocados, that grocer is busy. But still, who hasn’t had their heart flutter at the sight of the person ringing them up?
Now you and your partner can have your cake and eat it too. If you like food while you play and there’s a total cutie in aisle three, this is a great way to play. For this to work best, have the grocer be stocking something you can incorporate in the bedroom, like coconut oil, chocolate sauce, or massage oils.
Using your kitchen apron and a little imagination, transform into the grocer, eager to help the wandering customer get exactly what they need. Let the story unfold from there, until you’re both on the kitchen floor, covered in caramel, and kissing each other from the collar bone on down.
Why it works
For those of you who are intimidated by forward planning and elaborate role plays, this simple fantasy is perfect for you. With the grocer role play, you get to focus on making that sweet love without worrying about too complicated of a plot. We all go to the grocery store, so you know how it goes – there’s not too much to pretend here.
And with minimal props needed, this scenario can unfold the same day you decide to role play. That means less time focusing on prep, and more time getting down.
The props you do include? Those are prime ways to incorporate something a little friskier into your regular routine, whether that’s food, massages, or a nice lube.
Just like the grocer fantasy, this role play leans heavily on our shared experiences. Everyone has had a crush on a barista before. It’s some magical call that we all have to answer at one point or another.
With just your apron and whatever coffee-making tools you have on hand, you can turn your home into that local punk coffee shop up the street. If you have a counter you can stand on either side of, use it – separation of your bodies helps build that sweet, sweet tension.
Flirt with each other like you might if you were clicking in the real world, but take it a few steps further. None of us would dream of touching a customer’s arm while working in the coffee shop, but hey, this is a fantasy you both agreed to – so touch away.
To take it to the next level, the barista can write their number down on a napkin for the “customer,” or you can both clear off that coffee shop counter and go to town then and there.
Why it works
In the service industry, where you’re pretty much obligated to be nice, it’s annoying to have a customer flirt with you. But with this fantasy, everything is on the table, since you’ve both agreed to this scenario. It’s nice to let your hair down and reenact a role where you might not have gotten to make the move before.
With a clear task and objective, playing barista and customer is perfect for beginners or people who are shy about creating characters and scenarios. The objectives are clear, and the end goal is simple: to have a coffee cooling that you can both enjoy when you’re done lapping each other’s bodies up.
Like Sam and Frodo, but a million times sexier, pretending to be explorers can bring you back to some of your most innocent and fun-loving romps. This fun way to engage with each other is the ultimate escapist fantasy, and one that’s perfect for any fellow nerds out there with a flair for Dungeons & Dragons.
Create your own characters, or act like characters from your favorite movie or television show. Give yourselves a problem to tackle, and have at it. You could be explorers heading off into the arctic, astronauts, backpackers, or archaeologists who discovered one sexy tomb (AKA, your bedroom).
The more elaborate you can get, the better. If you’re feeling it, whip out some crazy costumes leftover from Halloween, and recreate your favorite nerdy slash fics with your nerdy honey.
Why it works
Getting down is also called “getting weird” for a reason. Being partners on an expedition is a strange choice, and one that reaps a lot of rewards. It’s possibly the most playful one on the list with the most opportunities for improvisation.
With an expedition or quest, you’re working towards a common goal together and are immediately on a level playing field. As companions, you have a lot of things to talk over that can lead you both closer and closer as you get in (steamy) hot water together.
Before you know it, you’ll be wrapped in each other’s arms after some incredible galactic discovery – or whatever wild scenario you concoct.
So far, all the scenarios have shared one thing in common: they’ve unfolded at home. This one changes everything. For it to work, you need to leave the house.
Arrange beforehand to meet at a bar, preferably not one you usually go to. That way, nobody will recognize you. For max effect, arrive at the bar separately, and don’t let each other see your outfit choices before you get there.
Adopt a persona, a name, a fake job – the whole nine yards. You’re building out your spiciest alter ego. Maybe this version of you wears a cowboy hat, sells used panties, and knows how to wind surf.
Whoever arrives first will sit at the bar and wait. Then, about fifteen minutes later, their lover will come in and sit down. Pretend to be two strangers meeting for the first time. Get to know your partner’s persona. Flirt all night, talk to each other about your careers, alternative childhoods, and ambitions, all with one goal: to take each other home for a wild “one night stand.”
Why it works
This role play is ideal for two people who have been together a long time. When you know each other well, sometimes your hands and mouth go straight for the spots that feel oh, so good on. While that means you know how to please them like no other all night long, it can also mean you don’t build anticipation like you used to.
The early days of flirting are a rush, and this is one surefire way to bring back those old feelings. Step into the thrill of getting to know your partner in a whole new way. Their persona choice may delight you, shock you, and teach you a few new things about your lover along the way.
When you carry the act all the way through to sealing that deal, you can also learn about your partner’s sexuality in a new way – ask them what they want, just as if you were making love to them for the very first time.
The results may surprise you.
Getting kinky doesn’t have to mean surrender or dominance. It can mean playing, eye to eye, and creating something totally bizarre and juicy together. You and your partner deserve to have a little fun – and one role play at a time, you can discover new sides of each other you didn’t see before.
Don’t be surprised if it becomes a habit.
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