Y’all. Times are weird – so weird, in fact, that I think we all say the phrase “these uncertain times” on an almost daily basis, and we’re getting sick of reading it in every newsletter. 2020 has changed the way we interact more than ever before, and nowhere is that more true than with our sex lives.
Even though times are a’changin’, there’s one thing we can be certain about: we’re all still down to get around. Your polyamorous or free wheeling days may be different, but they don’t have to grind to a halt. If anything, it’s just high time you started grinding a little more digitally.
If you’ve never gotten frisky for the small screen, consider this quarantine a prime time to start exploring your sexy starlet self. People are still dating, and we still want to feel sexual. You may have been shy in the past, but now’s your time to shine. Hop on the other side of the screen for once. In “these uncertain times,” just about anything flies.
Any performer or karaoke fiend will tell you that something happens in your body when you get on out there and perform for a crowd. Like Thomas Edison’s kite as he discovered electricity, being watched while you do your best shoots a bolt right through you, lighting you up Christmas tree style from head to toe.
But you don’t have to get wild in a sex swing in front of twenty onlookers to enjoy that thrill of being watched in te sack. That little red “record” light on a camera (or just the phone in your partner’s hands) can be enough to set your heart to pounding, because you know that video is going to be watched at some point – hopefully more than once.
That feeling is intoxicating. Even if the only person who will see the video you create is your future self or the same partner that’s holding the camera, something happens while you’re watched. The motivation to be a Grade A performer rears its head. When you’re alone with your partners, you’re inspired to have good sex and (hopefully) try hard to please them. But if you’ve ever been to an orgy, you know that when there’s a crowd watching, you’re inspired to last longer, crest higher, and whip out your most show-stopping oral moves.
But sex isn’t all about performing the Sex Olympics. It’s about feeling damn good – and being recorded can help with that, too. Orgasms are largely a psychological experience. If you’re getting it on for the camera and know that your lover or any viewer about to get their paws on this video will get off by watching it, you feel powerful. Sexiness is an attitude shift. Personally, I feel hotter the older I get – a sensation that coincides with weight gain and wrinkles. It’s about how we relate to our bodies. That confidence from getting filmed is infectious. A positive affirmation about how sexy you are can send you to new peaks of pleasure.
If you start feeling body conscious, remember that the people you’re getting it on and sharing with want to see this. They think you’re fine as hell. Even if you’re the only one planning on watching it later, that sentiment still stands. Each time you watch your video of solo play, you get to remember that your own body and sweet hands led to the powerful orgasm you recorded. Embrace your bod for all the pleasure it gives you and others – you’re worth it.
And who knows? By the time you watch your first sexy video all over again, you may just have uncovered your newest kink.
The most popular reason we record ourselves in the bedroom is because we’re hoping a certain someone will feel the heat simmering through the phone line. We love to send nudes or videos to lovers near and far, especially in the age of social distancing. Not being able to touch each other doesn’t mean we don’t want to get wild with some new lovers or keep the spark burning with the ones we can’t visit right now.
When you record for a lover, think about how to make it extra special. If you’re apart – even if it’s just for the day – whet their appetite and build their anticipation for that moment when they can finally run their hands along your thighs again. Fuel that fantasy, whether you’ve been together for two weeks or twenty years, by saying their name and making sure they know you’re only talking to them. When you’re in the same room again, it’ll be a matter of moments before those undies hit the floor.
Of course, this is what most people think of when we talk about nudes. You can always just throw down a quick video of sexiness happening and go from there, and you can get yourself into something tasty together by playing the way you do.
Especially during COVID-19, when we’re limited in the ways we can connect, the world of virtual bangin’ is, well, bangin’. Tinder and OkCupid are alive and kicking, even if you’re just sending flirty texts.
But instead of swiping and wondering if it’ll ever be appropriate to send a sexy video to someone who’s looking for spouse material before meeting them, cut to the chase and try out Feeld. This app has rolled with the times and has special settings so you can change your location to find other lovers in lockdown who want to exchange titillating content for the duration. Kick off those shoes and unleash your inner exhibitionist without leaving the house.
If you’re looking for a more unique experience, break out of the endless swiping mayhem with a new kind of app. Lex throws swiping out the window and returns to our want ad roots for queer, trans*, and nonbinary babes to get their freek on, make friends, fall in love, and everything in between.
What’s great about Lex is that you can share exactly what you want. If you’re eager to meet like-minded queers looking to exchange sexy videos in a supportive group chat, you’re going to find it here.
Set up is simple. Throw your desires out there, and mention that you want to make scintillating vids for the right people to appreciate. If you want, link your want ad to your social media, and then wait for those responses to start rolling in.
Sometimes, recording goes hand in hand with the professional world of sex work. You may record for fun and yourself, but you might also be having fun recording for the people who follow your content online.
Many sex workers now are turning going digital to boost their income, and some folks are shifting to online sex as their sole income. Recording for your clients lets you become fantasy incarnate for the people buying what you’re laying down.
Remember, though! Being unique sets you apart in this competitive world. There are countless people trying to blend in with the others out there on Snapchat, Twitter, OnlyFans, and FanCentro. Rather than trying to embody every other sex kitten, embrace whatever little thing makes you you and run with it. Whoever’s watching your video will get a lot out of your burst of personality, your unique curves, all those tattoos, or your sense of humor while getting down.
The best person to keep in mind while you record is you. We get caught up in body shame as a culture. It’s a rite of passage. Loving yourself is more taboo than hating yourself. Enjoying the site of your own naked body getting it on is a powerful rebellion.
Give it a try. Love yourself enough to record the way you go at it. As you watch, remind yourself, “Yes, this is sexy. I am sexy. I am powerful.” Watching even a good solo sesh on video can remind us of all the ways our body writhes and contorts, and all the magic we’re capable of giving.
The world doesn’t want you to know it, but you’re hot enough just the way you are. Recording a video helps you tap into your secret powers. And hey – this is the youngest you’ll ever be. While I find myself getting sexier as I age, it’s still nice to have snippets of your body as it changes. As someone who regularly takes film nudes (and has since I was nineteen), I mean it when I say there’s beauty and power in seeing our bodies change as we age. By documenting our bodies being sexual at different stages of our lives, we can acknowledge that we’re sexy at all stages and in all phases.
We’ve been taking nudes and selfies for as long as the camera has been around. The first film photo was actually a selfie! So it’s no surprise that in the era where we all have cameras in our pockets at all times, nudes are more popular than ever.
But take it to the next level. Give us ten years, and we’ll be sending sexy holograms or getting it on in VR. For now, settle for videos and snippets to share with lovers. You don’t have to limit yourself to a long recording, either. Get creative with how you share.
One thing to try? Repurposing apps like Boomerang for your naughty ends.Give your lovers or sex positive friends a moving thirst trap that’s a sweet spot between a video and a photo, like a NSFW Harry Potter-style moving photo. Have fun with it; tease viewers with clothes that come off and on, and off and on, or go all out and flaunt your toys, hands, or partner (with their consent, of course) hard at work.
To get yourself off later, or to make your long distance playtime with someone else even spicier, try your hand at the joy of crafting your own JOI – jerk off instruction videos. Fun, naughty, and a little bit bossy, these videos are everything you’ve dreamt of in terms of being told what to do, just ask Jaimee Bell who knows a thing or two on what makes good JOI great.
If you make your own, personalize it. Say your partner’s name when you’re telling them what to do. If you know their body very well and can’t be together (whether due to social distancing or just a long distance fling), then include scintillating details. Include something about their mole or tattoo or the shape of their thighs. The more personal it is, the more erotically charged it’ll be when they’re listening to it on their own time.
But we don’t record just to see our vanilla selves going at it, do we? While going at it like animals may hit the spot from time to time, recording is for our very best.
If you’re recording with a lover or two, up the ante and incorporate some of your spicier shared interests. Try recording sex when you both commit to engaging all five senses in one go. Because of the demand to stimulate each other in unique ways, you’ll be doing things that are both visually pleasing and unique – perfect fodder for a prime recording. For sensation play, wax dripping does double duty as being fun and looking beautiful on skin. Capture the flame, melting wax, and your gasping partner all on camera.
Enjoy sensual videos of one of you blindfolded, being kissed from the wrist inward, or being fed classically sexy foods like strawberries.
Sometimes, I find that when I record myself, I watch it once and then delete it. While that’s if you’re concerned about keeping your own content secure or inspire you to keep making new things, there’s a lot more to do than just burning any evidence of your escapades after one thrilling view, or locking them away to be forgotten.
You worked hard for them, didn’t you? Instead of letting them gather digital dust in a protected folder on your laptop, it’s high time to do something with those sizzlin’ recordings.
The most obvious thing to do with one of these videos is, of course, rewatch them as things heat up solo or with lovers. Videos of you rockin’ it at your finest are great fodder for even better sex later. Try setting them up home movies style to watch them on your television, and play in your living room on the couch or a blanket on the floor.
You can get meta about it, and take videos of you getting it on while watching the old videos you recorded. This is especially wonderful for long distance lovers. Show your partner how their video got you off, by showcasing your pleasured reactions in real time. This can help you both feel like you’re in the same room.
And if you’re the kind of minx who throws a sex party, throw clips of your playtime up on the television on mute, paired with a little background music. Your videos can inspire your playmates and give everyone a little push to embrace their inner performer.
Want to go beyond the usual? Try making a series of clips. One of the best apps for capturing daily moments is 1 Second Everyday. This app encourages you to take one second videos that sum up your day. You can commit to a month of sexy moments and make a thirty second video summing that month of debauchery up. You’ll get chills and thrills each time you watch it.
Trying this doesn’t mean you have to have sex every day. Instead, indulge in micro moments of sexy joy. Nip slips, making out, changing, and taking a bath can all help you tap into your sexiest self.
Try it. Give yourself one month of promising to get sexy, then reward yourself with a thirty second video that shows just how alluring you can be. Who knows? All those glimpses of your capability may awaken a dormant sex god in you, By respecting yourself enough to take on this thirty day challenge, you might end up having a sexual revolution.
Take those thirty seconds of sizzlin’ moments a step further. With a ring light, some free film editing software, and a dash of creativity, you can turn some sexy videos into erotic art. Experiment with what looks good. You can start with good lighting, or get weird. Incorporate masks, unique angles, and body paint, and record the moments of sexuality to see what you get.
You can also record you and your partner having sex with each other, and then edit it afterwards with strange filters or scene changes, or layering another image over the original. If you’re musically inclined, make a song out of it. Start with a moan or a slap you find aurally pleasing, and turn it into a whole piece – kind of like a sexy version of Charles Spearin’s album The Happiness Project.
To make this shine, head into your sexy time intending to turn it into art. That way, you’ll be more inclined to be experimental in the heat of the moment. Wax play, ice, blindfolded acts, food, and rope are all perfect additions to your video erotica.
Even if the only people who see your erotic art are your friends or lovers, enjoy the power of knowing you created something truly beautiful.
Don’t have a lover to enjoy those videos with right now? Maybe it’s time you invested in a sexual friendship. I hesitate to call them friends with benefits, because this exercise in intimacy and exchange is so much more than that.
A good sexual friendship is anything but casual. The sex and intimacy is casual – and never guaranteed – but the friendship is a vital, real pulse. All of us have a friend or two (or if you’re me, like ten) that you find attractive. In a sexual friendship, it’s okay to snuggle and get frisky after a deep conversation, and it doesn’t imply any change in the meaning of what you have. This beautiful arrangement is very popular in the queer community; I’ve only had one sexual friendship with a cis man, but I’ve had sexual friendships with several queer folks. I’m friends with all of them still.
With a sexual friendship, you can just hang out. Every once and awhile, you might make out. If you have a friend who’s also single in quarantine, or lives far from you, ask if you could exchange platonic nudes or videos. Few things make you feel sexier than getting pumped up by your bestie who, after watching your sexy video, declares you a true god, the hottest person to walk the earth, and royalty incarnate.
Don’t have that person yet? Start looking for that on online dating sites. You’d be surprised how many people are looking for that same unique flavor of companionship.
It’s always time to enjoy that sweet digital getdown, and nowadays, you have countless opportunities for exploring your sexuality in the virtual world.
If you have a real exhibitionist streak, upload videos on the internet and get a rush just by watching the number of views tick up and up. If you really enjoy sharing yourself with the world, don’t stop there. Consider building an entire sex work-from-home platform. With Only Fans, premium Snapchats, or any other kind of pay-to-play contact, you can be climbing your way up the ladder and becoming the next sexy lord of online content.
Don’t think it’s easy though. Building an online sex work career takes work. To stand out from the crowd, think about how you can be unique in what you offer, and how you can connect to your customers in new and invigorating ways. One tip? Try selling unique additions to accompany your videos. A personalized JOI video becomes that much more powerful with a pair of your own lacy reds or boxer briefs to go along with it.
PDX-based stripper, content maven, and my dear friend Sage loves what she does as a sex worker – and she hasn’t let a little thing like a pandemic slow her down. In the past month, she’s shifted her business entirely online. When I asked what her favorite part of creating video content was, she told me it was when she receives compliments about giving ample eye contact and her beautiful smile. To her, the intimacy of connection is everything. “It makes me feel warm and fuzzy,” she told me.
Maybe that’s why her following grows every day. When you make videos for others as an addition to your hustle, let that personality shine. Hold your head high and be exactly yourself while leaving clients feeling like the only person in the room.
And hey, even if you’re only making videos for personal lovers, keep Sage’s sage advice (sorry not sorry) in mind. The more personal it is and the more intimate you make your naughty work, the more both you and your viewer will get out of this steamy exchange.
Lovin’s gone online, and the best thing to do is embrace it and run with the times. With a little pop of tech in your bedroom, you can connect with lovers around the world and right next door all with the touch of a button. Life is short, so have some fun. Loosen up that necktie – and make sure you’re recording when you do.
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