In most relationships, sexual activity is all about making each other orgasm. However, in some subsets of BDSM, this relationship changes to be largely about denying orgasm.
It might seem counterintuitive, but a lot of people are into chastity play. In fact, some sources that I found said that the majority of male subs are into chastity play.
The most common instrument used to control a male’s sexual gratification is a chastity cage.
Chastity cages are devices that are worn around the shaft and head of the penis. They’re used during chastity play, which involves one partner controlling when the other partner is allowed to touch themselves or orgasm. A chastity cage is also sometimes called a cock or penis cage.
When you wear a chastity cage, any type of arousal or erection becomes uncomfortable or painful. Some people can’t even get fully hard while wearing one. This punishes the sub for getting aroused without the dom’s consent. Chastity cages are locked, usually using a key, and cannot be removed by anyone other than the dominant unless there’s an emergency.
People like chastity play for many different reasons. They vary from person to person, but let’s run through a few. You might even decide that getting a penis cage sounds pretty good after you hear the appeal.
Why the sub likes it
The sub often likes the feeling of being teased and denied by their master. It can be a real turn on to know that you’re horny and there’s literally nothing you can do about it. Wearing the cage also draws attention to your cock every time you feel it, which can actually lead to being more horny, which makes not being able to get off even harder.
Denial can lead to a stronger orgasm when the person who’s locked up is finally able to ejaculate. This is because a male orgasm generally first produces dopamine, which brings on happiness and pleasure. However, it’s almost immediately followed by the hormone prolactin, which stops an orgasm and gives that afterglow that makes you want to immediately fall asleep after getting off.
When you deny yourself for a long time (at least several days, but if you can last several weeks, even better), your brain releases more dopamine and less prolactin. This allows for longer orgasms and more stamina. Dopamine can last several days in a man’s system after a delayed orgasm, leading to increased energy and uplifted mood.
It’s sexy to know that someone has this much power or ownership over you. Taking away some of your autonomy can be hot for a lot of people. You’re reminded how submissive you are every time you feel the cock cage. It’s sort of like a more intense form of power play or bondage. Some people see chastity play as the ultimate form of submission.
One last thing: men generally associate their penises strongly with their masculinity. When their dick is basically rendered useless for anything except peeing, some men have a bit of a crisis. Chastity play can help men learn more about their masculinity and how to relate to it, especially given their submissive nature. They learn to understand themselves more by being locked up.
Why the dom likes it
The main thing doms like about chastity play is how much control it gives them over their submissive. They like the idea that there’s a person who can’t orgasm until they say so. They can decide whether to be merciful or make them wait weeks until they can get off again. This control can be invigorating and erotic.
When subs are locked in cock cages, they often become much more attentive and subservient to their dom. They want to do everything they can to please them, especially if they think it’ll get them out of the cage sooner. Getting all of this attention and compliments can be flattering for some doms.
Chastity play can also tend to escalate the longer the sub has the cage on. Some submissives will beg their dom to let them out of the cage, even crying or trying to make bargains. (Keep in mind, chastity players should come up with a safe word that can be used at any time to remove the cage.) But groveling and begging can be a huge turn on to doms.
There are a few different types of penis cages to choose from, and it’s important you pick the right style for you. This will depend on many factors, like how long you want to wear it, what material you like, and how restricted you want your penis to be.
One of the main types of cages is the CB 6000. This design is sold by many companies, and it may have different names. However, the design is roughly the same, no matter where you get it.
The CB 6000 has a ring that goes around the testicles, a shaft sized for your penis, and a molded head. It has a hole at the end for urination, so it can be worn for longer periods. These devices are made of plastic or silicone, so they’re lightweight and easier to hide.
Another option is a metal chastity cage. Bars, rings, or both run across the penis, restricting it. Different styles show different amounts of skin. The more skin is exposed, the easier the penis can breathe and the easier the cleaning process will be. The less skin is showing, the more restrictive it will feel, and the less likely it will be that the sub can figure out a way to masturbate through the cage.
Some metal cages are open-ended, which allows the end to come off. Of course, this can lead to stimulation. Caged options have metal bars, allowing for stricter stimulation control while not sacrificing air flow. There are also partially closed or completely closed models, that won’t let the person touch or even see their cock. Closed ones are so enclosed that they need to be taken off to pee (so obviously, great for bathroom control or desperation fetishism).
There are some cheap cages out there (looking at you, Amazon) that are made from materials that aren’t body safe. Make sure you choose either medical grade stainless steel, titanium, polycarbonate plastic, or 100% silicone. Avoid leather, as it’s basically impossible to keep clean.
There are pros and cons to each material. Plastic is one of the most widely used materials for chastity cages, as it’s inexpensive and lightweight. One big plus is that, if there’s an emergency, you can use wire cutters to simply cut the connecting pin. This is enough of a pain that you won’t do it just to get off, but it does give you the option if you need it.
Silicone is a great material for beginners. It won’t feel heavy or uncomfortable, for the most part. If there’s an issue, all you’ll need to do is cut it off with a pair of scissors.
For some people, though, it might not feel restricting enough. Knowing that you can just cut it off with kitchen scissors might be too tempting. Plus, you won’t feel as restricted or notice any weight on your junk.
Metal is heavier and bulkier, which some subs can’t get enough of. This reminds you that you’re wearing it every time you move, which can be sexy as hell. Also, metal will be very difficult to break out of during emergencies, which ups your dependence on your dominant. If they’re caged, they’re usually one of the easiest to clean and can be worn for long periods of time.
Just keep in mind: these will cause you to beep when going through a metal detector, which will probably be the most embarrassing interaction you’ll ever have with the TSA. If you go through a metal detector on the reg, like at a school or at work, metal might not be the right call.
Getting the right fit on your chastity device is suuuuuuuper important. If it’s too big, you’ll be able to get an erection while wearing it, which kind of defeats the purpose. If it’s too small, you might compress your penis too much, which could be painful and even cause serious damage.
This means that you can’t just find your favorite cock cage online, choose small, medium, or large, and order it. You’re going to need to do some careful measurements to determine what size cage is right for you.
It’s important to note that there are several parts of the cage you’ll need to measure for. There are two distinct parts of the chastity cage: the ring and the tube. The ring goes right behind the balls to prevent semen from coming out, and the cage restricts your ability to touch your dick. Both parts need to be sized correctly to prevent discomfort.
The ring
Let’s start with the ring. Some cages come with adjustable rings, or a set of 2-5 rings that you can choose from to find your perfect fit. However, for some options, especially custom cages, you’ll need to know your exact ring size.
To figure out this size, you’ll take a measurement of your cock’s circumference. This can be easier said than done. It’s a good idea to take a shower or bath before you measure. This will make sure your dick isn’t hard, but it also promotes blood flow. This will help get an accurate measurement.
Get a soft measuring tape and wrap it around your cock right behind the testicles. If you don’t have a measuring tape handy, use a piece of string and hold it up to a ruler. From there, put this number into Google to figure out the diameter. This is the measurement you’ll look for on sex toy websites.
If you’re between sizes, first try the larger of the two. It’s better to start with a larger ring and work down than the other way around. When you get it, you’ll know it’s right if it fits snugly but still allows for blood flow. You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable, and you definitely shouldn’t be numb.
The tube
Don’t worry; this part is a lot simpler.
Measure for the tube at the same time as you did for the ring, preferable after a hot shower. You need to make sure that your dick is not erect, even a little. If you’re one of those people who can get turned on just by touching your dick to measure, this might take a couple of tries.
Stand up tall with your back completely straight. Then place the edge of the ruler against the base of your penis and lay it flat on top of your cock. Then, press the ruler against your public bone. You might need some help reading the ruler, as it can be difficult to see it while standing straight up. You can also mark the length with your finger, then bring it up so you can see it.
You’ll be tempted to pick a tube that matches your length exactly. This is a bad idea, as it will lead to buying something that’s too small. Instead, size up a ¼ or ½ inch. (Probably half an inch if you’re a beginner.)
You’ll know you got it right if the tube fits your cock tightly. However, it shouldn’t be so tight that you can’t pee. You also shouldn’t be able to get a boner, no matter how turned on you are.
Many places online sell quality chastity cages. Don’t settle for crappy ones from places like Amazon. It’s better to get a cage that will be easy to clean and comfortable for you to wear.
Here are some of the best places to buy cock cages.
So your cock cage came in the mail! Now what?
Of course you’ll want to try it on. However, getting into a chastity cage can be more difficult than you’d think. It can be a good idea to get some help from your partner or keyholder. You might need a little assistance. Plus, putting on your cage can be a bonding experience and an erotic moment.
You’ll start with the ring. It will either be hinged or solid. Hinged rings are easier to put on. Simply release it until it’s at its largest, place it on your penis behind your testicles, and close the ring gently. You don’t want to get any skin caught in the hinge. You’ll hear or feel a click once it’s secure.
Now let’s do a solid ring. You can only do this while you’re completely flaccid, so think unsexy thoughts. Push your balls through the ring one at a time, then bend your dick downwards and slip it through the ring as well. Make sure you’re very gentle throughout this whole process.
Lastly, you’ll need to put on the tube. You really need to lube up before you slip it in. This will prevent chafing and make the whole process much easier.
Again, your cock shouldn’t be hard at all. This might be difficult while you’re going through this process that you probably find very sexy. It’s okay to stop and start again when you’re ready. This is vastly preferable from trying to shove your erect penis into the tube.
Slide it slowly into the tube. Once it’s positioned correctly, attach it to the ring and lock it up.
You need to get used to your new cage before wearing it long-term. Start with an hour. After the hour, take it off and see how you feel. Move this up to a day, then three days, then a week if you want.
You’ll also probably want supportive underwear. Boxers or going commando offer little to no support, which can pull on your dick and balls. Some people are into this, but if you’re not, choose briefs or boxer briefs to keep everything comfortable. You can even get pouch briefs which will make it less obvious you’re wearing a cage. If you’re into sissification, most panties are tight enough to keep everything in place.
I can’t stress enough how important it is that you keep your chastity cage clean. A cock cage that’s not clean can lead to foul odors, residue, and infections. None of those are sexy.
If you plan to wear the cage for several days in a row, you need to clean it while it’s on. Every day, use warm water and antibacterial soap to clean the entire area, including every little nook and cranny. You can use Q-tips to get under metal bars or other restrained parts.
Once you’re done washing, you absolutely must dry the area. Bacteria will grow if you leave everything moist. The best way to do this is with a fan or a hair dryer on the cool function.
Although people talk about wearing their chastity cages 24/7, this isn’t quite true. You absolutely have to sometimes take it off to wash things. Imagine wearing the same clothes for weeks at a time without going to the laundromat. Big ew.
Negotiate with your dom about how often you can clean. Once a week should be the absolute longest time you should go, but 3-4 days is preferable. They might want to be there while you clean or Skype you if they’re long-distance. This is totally normal, since they don’t want you getting up to any funny business. During your cleaning session, inspect for any bumps, rashes, bruises, or other issues that you might be having with your cage.
Most people who are into chastity play have this fantasy of having their power completely taken away. This usually means having no way to take their cage off, letting their dom have complete control.
This is understandable, but not very practical. First, you’ll need to clean your cage, and if they’re long-distance, they won’t be able to help with that. Second, you need to have access to a key in case of an emergency. This could include a medical emergency (either because of the cage or not), needing to go through a metal detector, or even something as serious as a car crash.
These issues aren’t fixed if your dom lives in your city, either. What if they’re at work or on vacation when you have a problem?
It’s imperative that a sub have access to an emergency key. There are several ways to do this that can keep the fantasy alive. This is because you can find a way to make it obvious to the dom that you accessed it. If there wasn’t an emergency, you would be severely punished.
One option is to choose a container that the sub can carry around at all times. A good choice is one of those pill containers that goes on your keychain. Then, put a sticker with a unique number over the seal. They’ll still be able to open it, but they won’t be able to hide that they did.
You can also put a key in an envelope that the dom has signed, so they’ll know if the sub tries to replace it. You can put it in a bottle that would need to be broken to get the key out. (Just make sure a sneaky sub couldn’t buy another similar bottle or jar at the store.)
Another must is safe words. All BDSM play should incorporate them, and chastity play is no exception. Both members of the equation can get turned on when the sub begs for the cage to come off. However, the dom will know they don’t actually need it taken off until they use their safe word. This allows for either roleplaying or real desperation that both people enjoy.
Lastly, you can buy chastity cages that have spikes in them so they’ll stab you if you get an erection. These spikes can permanently damage your penis. Steer clear.
I’ve talked so much about being the person wearing the chastity cage that I’ve glossed over what it’s like to be a keyholder.
Although some people participate in self-enforced chastity, most people choose to give the key to their penis cage to another person. This doesn’t have to be someone they’re romantically or even sexually involved with.
Some people hire keyholders. This is usually done online. Each person will ask for a different amount of money, but it’s usually pretty reasonable. You can find keyholders on FetLife or Collarspace. You might even be able to find someone local on these sites.
Having a keyholder can be even more intense if they’re someone you see in-person. Many doms choose to wear their sub’s key around their neck, which is really hot. The key serves as a physical symbol of the sub’s chastity, sort of like a collar some subs wear.
As I said earlier, chastity play isn’t just arousing for the sub. Keyholders are definitely turned on by the power they wield over their subs. Since most relationships involving chastity cages are heterosexual, this switch of power dynamic can be sexy and empowering.
Keyholders need to work hard to keep chastity play interesting. Doms should make up rules, as well as punishments and rewards that will result. For example, a dom might require that a sub regularly take pictures of their cage to reassure them that it’s still on. This might be every time they go to work, or every hour, or whenever the dom sends them a text asking them to.
You can also choose to reward good behavior. You can offer to take time off wearing the cage in exchange for cooking dinner, doing the laundry, or walking around the house in your underwear. This bonds the two of you together and gets you pampered along the way.
A big part of chastity play is teasing, so make sure you seduce them sometimes while they’re wearing the cage. Wear their favorite piece of lingerie or put on porn instead of a movie and masturbate to it. This is all part of the play.
If you want to try out a little bit of chastity play, pick out a mid-range cock cage and try getting locked up. As long as you do it safely, this can be a fun and empowering trick to add to your sexual repertoire.
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