He tied my arms above my head and slid the blindfold over my eyes. I was blind.
I immediately felt tense - but tension quickly faded into relaxation as I felt his warm breath draw closer to my skin. I felt his soft lips trace my chest as his fingertips grazed my thighs.
He moved his hands around my body like he was tracing a fine piece of artwork - light, supple touches that made me move closer to him, only to be restrained by my ties.
Every touch sent a shiver across my body in anticipation of where his fingers would linger to next. Each time I felt the absence of his touch I longed to know where the next caress, the next kiss, the next squeeze would land.
Blindfolded sex might be super common - but with the right knowledge, the right tools and a bit of wine, this guy had me on my toes in all the best ways.
He knew what he was doing and I liked it.
But why did I like it?
While I didn’t have time to ponder that question right then and there (...I was a little busy) - the thought did nag at me again later: what is so appealing about being blind during sex?
Amaurophilia is a fetish for being blind during sex. This goes a bit beyond our preference for using blindfolds in bed.
People who refer to themselves as amaurophiles typically prefer to have sex in total darkness (often with the goal of simulating blindness) or have a specific sexual preference for blind partners.
Where does amaurophilia come from?
There’s experimenting with your partner by having them blindfold you during sex and then there’s the desire to be completely “in the dark” during sex...it begs the question: where does amaurophilia come from?
Why do people like to have sex in the dark, without sight - and does it go beyond a simple desire for experimentation?
There are three main theories:
What do sex educators, experts, and relationship therapists have to say about the preference for blind sex? Well, there are a few reasons, according to the experts, on why your latest fling might have preferred you blindfold them before getting down and dirty...
Heightened Sensitivity
This is the most obvious answer - take away the sense of sight and you’re left to rely on your other senses, which are naturally a bit heightened. This can lead to some pretty intense physical sensations.
Florida-based relationship therapist Megan Harrison (who also owns Couples Candy - a project dedicated to promoting happy and successful relationships) explains her insights on blindfolds, which she explains are by far one of the most popular props used in the bedroom.
“The brain is able to make new connections in the absence of visual information, which can result in enhanced compensatory abilities such as hearing, smell, and touch. This means that when we eliminate the sense of sight, it heightens the perception of our other senses.”
Taking The Pressure Off
In a Sofia Gray exclusive, Megan goes on to explain that another reason couples love to use blindfolds in the bedroom is that by eliminating our sense of sight, we can reduce inhibitions and lower performance anxiety.
“We tend to put some unnecessary pressure on the performance during sex, and blindfolds are a great way to help make people feel more comfortable and ease off some of this unwanted stress.”
The Mystery and Intrigue
Certified sex therapist Yolanda Rogers also joins us with her insight, but this time tackling the mystery and intrigue that surrounds sex in the dark.
“What is most erotic about not seeing your partner is not knowing what they are going to do, not knowing what is coming next,” Rogers explains. “Not being able to see facial cues or the movement that is about to happen brings excitement and anticipation.”
Intimate Fantasies Brought to Life
“Being blindfolded takes sex to a whole new level, even for long-term partners,” explains sex therapist (and founder of men’s health site Sextopedia) Robert Thomas. “There are a couple of reasons for that, but the most important ones have to do with feeling vulnerable…”
Thomas goes on to explain that while most people find blindfolding to be a bit of a “vanilla” kink, there are still a lot of sexual fantasies that can be played out when the blindfold is on.
When we think of couple’s counseling, work retreats or other group team-building activities, one of the most common scenarios I personally can think of is some sort of obstacle course where one person is lead (with a blindfold on) by another team-member through an obstacle course.
The blindfolded party has to rely on the other person to be their eyes and the leader needs to communicate to the blindfolded partner in clear and concise ways if you want to make it through the course together.
This is very indicative of the kind of trust it takes to allow yourself to be blindfolded during sex. Sex is a time when we are at our most vulnerable. We are naked, another person is caressing parts of our bodies that we hold most dear and that are particularly susceptible to threats.
Giving that responsibility and trust to someone is an erotic art in itself.
Sociologist and clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon dives deeper into the psychology of blind sex by explaining the deeper connection one must have with their partner to trust them enough to experience sex (one of our most intimate connections with other people) totally absent sight.
“Aside from the increased sensitivity to other senses, sensory deprivation requires a high degree of trust. It’s not a first-date activity for most people.” Melancon explains, “The experience of trusting a partner on this level can help you relax and open up to even greater levels of pleasure.”
Melancon goes on to explain: “It also taps into our fear or excitement of the unknown. Since you can’t see what your partner will do next, the anticipation can add to your arousal and pleasure.”
Simpatic.US is an online platform that is dedicated to helping couples find activities they want to share and try together (including kinky ones) - and Derek Newton, the owner, joins us in explaining just how common blindfolds are in the bedroom of couples across America.
According to Simpatic.US’s statistics…
Does any of this surprise you? Personally, I find those numbers to be about right considering my personal past with blindfolded sex.
I am curious though...where do you fall?
Do you wish to be blindfolded (or blindfold your partner) during sex?
It’s easy enough to say you’re turned on by the thought of your lover caressing your skin without being able to see their face and anticipate their next move - but how do you go about incorporating that into your sex life?
The obvious...a blindfold.
When it comes to blind sex, nothing will make it easier than buying a blindfold from your local sex shop or online sex toy retailer. Interested? Well, we outline some of our favorite sexy blindfolds below. Keep reading!
Not so obvious - use a makeshift blindfold.
Using something other than a blindfold to take away your partner’s sense of sight can be erotic and spontaneous, only adding to the chemistry you share.
If you’re interested in some impromptu ideas for blindfolds, the most popular seem to be:
Pitch black…
Blindfolds are great and all - but why not use what you have. Or in this case, don’t have. The absence of light can be accomplished with the simplest of touches - closing the drapes and turning off the lights.
Trust me - feeling around for your partner in the dark, letting your hands travel each other’s bodies and finding your way to your partner’s soft spots without seeing each other is super erotic.
The Hood
If you’re interested in covering your partner’s eyes, why not try covering their whole face (minus their mouth, of course...because they’ll need that.) Hoods are a great way to go a tiny bit past the regular blindfolded love-sesh to something a bit edgier and kinkier.
Not sure what hoods I’m referring to?
Well, there are a few on our top 10 list below!
This gorgeous red lace tie-up blindfold is super elegant and sexy. I think there’s something particularly kinky about a mask that you have to tie at the back. They can tie it themselves or you can tie it (and some other areas of their body)...you know - if you’re into that sort of thing.
Dive into the world of submission and dominance by not only blindfolding your partner but subjecting them to wear a hood while they please you mercilessly. Sounds fun, right?
Plain, simple, effective, inexpensive - if you’re looking to experience blindfolding but don’t want to splurge on a super nice face mask - go with something a bit less upscale, like the You & Me silk blindfold.
Spartacus Faux Leather Blindfold & Restraint Set
Now we’re talking! A super kinky, cute and fun blindfold with a restraint set (complete with flogger) to match...yes, please! Adding to your kink kit a bit of restraint has never felt so damn good.
Sportsheets Beginner Fantasy Kit
This beginner kink kit includes a blindfold (duh!), as well as two wrist restraints and two ankle restraints - all super soft and sexy.
Nothing says kink like a matching set of his and hers blindfolds. Stylish, simple and fun to be had for both of you - what more could you ask for?
Matching Lingerie and Blindfold Set
Ladies...don’t you love matching your outfit to your accessories? Well, now you can do it with your lingerie and sex toys, too. This super cute matching teddy and blindfold will have his heart racing the minute he sees you.
Passionate Night In (Kink Kit)
This super romantic kink kit includes faux red rose petals, passionfruit lubricant, a feather teaser, a vibrating cock ring, and a blindfold, of course. What better way to celebrate an anniversary (or rainy Tuesday evening)?
Another Matching Lingerie and Blindfold Set (this time with something extra…)
Adding a bit more to our whole matching lingerie to sex toys aesthetic, this sexy lace set is to die for. Give off a sexy, seductive, “tie me up and do what you want with me” vibe on your next date night with this set that includes a lace bralette/g-string combo, a blindfold, and cuffs that attach to a collar.
Sometimes you want your partner to be able to see - but just barely. This seductive, sexy, stunning bondage boutique hood gives your partner a little sight, but just enough to tease them. Not only is it a blast to tease your partner but this is by far one of the prettiest hoods I’ve ever seen (especially if you’re not into the whole latex thing).
Communication
Sociologist and clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon shares her insights on communication when experimenting with blindfolds in the bedroom:
“For a successful experience, communication is key,” Melancon explains. The person being blindfolded must make their boundaries clear and the dominant partner (in this case, the one who can see) must respect these boundaries to create a sense of safety and comfort.
Consent
While it might be particularly tempting to try some new things while your partner is blindfolded and waiting for you to make your next move, all consent doesn’t go out the window. If you aren’t interested in stopping to have the consent conversation in the middle of sex, talk about these things beforehand.
Discuss with your partner what you will do to them when they are blindfolded and ask their consent ahead of time for these things.
It’s important to note that once consent is given, it can just as easily been taken back. Just because they agree to it before things get hot and heavy doesn’t mean they will feel the same way at the moment.
Our article on consent sums it up best: “No matter how it’s given or taken away, consent isn’t a fixed point in time, and it’s not some little gemstone you acquire at the end of a level. It’s more fluid than that, like an ongoing conversation that never wholly ends. It isn’t something given and rescinded like a badge, either; it’s not a title to be had or a blanket statement. It’s something that begins and ends between breaths, that you have to communicate with again and again.”
Safety
This is where safewords come in. Choosing a safe word can be simple: choose a word that your partner wouldn’t have any other reason to say in the midst of sex. Some examples include: “pineapples”, “grapefruit”, “yellow”, etc.
When your partner says the safe word, all activity must stop. Reassess the situation with your partner - take their blindfold off and check-in with them. They may merely need a moment to rest or they may want to stop altogether.
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