My husband and I tried having sex blindfolded: here’s what happened

Aside from my own, there’s no body I know as well as my husband’s. We’ve been a duo for just about ten years, and I express gratitude for our playful, abundant sex life almost daily. We try whatever new thing strikes us both, and there are few things I enjoy more than experimenting with him. It was only natural that I started pitching thes kiss-and-tell articles to Sofia Gray, peppering my suggestions with new things we’re both open to and just haven’t prioritized in the sack yet.

Like blindfold stuff. We both enjoy some sensation play, and definitely own a blindfold. Just the week before this assignment came down the pipe, we’d had some great sex that involved me blindfolding him. But both of us going in without our sense of sight? That was unexplored territory for us both.

And it couldn’t have come up at a better time. See, we just moved to a new home after doing camper life for 2 years. We had a bedroom to ourselves, ready to fill with furniture. Like any reasonable couple, we ditched our years of a full bed and went straight to a king. More bed meant more room to roll around – something I had a feeling we’d need when we both couldn’t see what the other was doing.

So, with a big old bed and a can-do attitude, we plunged right into the task ahead.

Early bumps in the road

I couldn’t wait to tell my husband about our new task – I had a feeling he’d be just as excited as I was. I wasn’t disappointed. He loves a chance to embrace playfulness in the bedroom, and this fit the bill. Since we both have busy lives, we scheduled our sexcapades out a day in advance, setting aside a nice window for enjoying one another’s pleasure.

The day before, there wasn’t much to discuss. Unlike the time we role played, not a lot of negotiation needed – there were no safe words or logistic concerns that called for a heavy conversation. Blindfolding us both was far from a heavy BDSM scene, so this time, we decided to let this steamy session unfold however it wanted.

The night before, I was excited. Not nervous, but fantasizing about what shape our pleasures might take. Whatever it would be, I had no doubts at the time that we’d both end satiated. Anticipation built the morning of, and we both couldn’t help mentioning our upcoming date. Scheduling, it turns out, can be pretty sexy. The anticipation built, until finally, we shut and locked the bedroom door: no more waiting, it was time to play.

He set the mood right out the gate with Frank Ocean’s Blonde, arguably the best album of all time for languid, exploratory sex. The slow beats fired me up. I was feeling myself, I was a sexual powerhouse...and then we reached our first awkward hiccup. The blindfolding itself.

For starters, we only had the one designated blindfold in our sex box, and had to settle on using a light scarf for the other person.

And since we usually play with only one person blindfolded, one of us is usually able to see and tie the knot – a great way to establish who’s in charge. But with both of us blindfolded? We weren’t sure what to do. While it sounded sexy to blindfold each other in theory, we both thought it sounded more like a recipe for jabbed eyes and fingers up noses. 

We settled for doing it ourselves.After a few attempts, knotting and re-knotting, we were ready. Since we’re still both luxuriating in this new king bed, we started on opposite corners of it, planning to crawl toward each other and find each other’s bodies. In theory, it was hot. But I guess I’m often overeager, because I found my way to him before he even started heading my way.

Face to face, we were ready to begin.

Sensations in overdrive

To be with someone for ten years makes shyness a thing for history books. Blindfolded, however, I felt it all over again. We started by just exploring each other by hand. The whorls of my fingerprints felt everything in overdrive, and I could note every hair of his as I traced his thighs and chest. The smoothness of his shoulders and arms alone made my breathing hitch. This familiar body before me became a curiosity to explore. Later, when we finished, my husband put it well when he said that when touching my body, the lack of colors and shapes didn’t matter, because his hands painted the picture of my body completely for him.

When we finally started kissing, it didn’t take him long to lean me back, and I was amazed at how quickly I became breathless. Not knowing where his hands would go next, anticipation felt almost as good as the contact itself.

Almost. He ran his lips along different parts of my body, starting with my arms, winding his way to my belly, grazing across my most intimate places as he worked his way down, all the way to my feet, which he ran his breath along, tantalizing me with his heat.

What? Everyone has their own kinks. You might like used panties; I like some foot love. To each their own. 

I think what got me the most here was that not much had happened yet. No cunnilingus, no penetration. We were barely even kissing. Just the skimming of each other’s bodies, of pulse on leg on breath on pulse, was enough to drive me wild.

Wanting him to feel what I felt, I leaned up to kiss him, leaning him back to be under my touch...until his head tipped off the bed. Before he teetered too far, we laughed about it and scooted down, ready to start over.

It was easy to find our way back to where we’d been. I returned the favor of small touches, and my mouth explored him with kisses and nibbles. It was like tasting him for the first time, all over again. After awhile, I was ready to stop teasing and get down to business. I’ve given oral for a long time, on all kinds of bodies, but doing it while simultaneously blindfolded and in control (at least for the moment) was new – and it was incredible. Usually, I’m mostly aware of the pleasure I’m providing, more than anything else. This time, I felt the sensations of my own body in tandem with what was happening to his body. It was similar to how I felt when my fingerprints ran along his hairs. Instead of focusing on the sensation as a way to provide my lover pleasure, I was suddenly amazed by the warmth of my own mouth and the slick smoothness of this exchange. The little things stuck out, like the subtle ways his breath changed the rest of his body. It was beautiful, powerful, and oddly almost spiritual. I loved this part of our play more than anything else. Maybe it was that I had a glimpse of what it might feel like to be on the receiving end. 

Now I’m about to get way too meta about a blowjob, but I was reminded of the philosopher Alan Watts when he asked where we begin and end. Is it when our bodies end? Or do we end at the edges of our awareness? If that’s the case, then I don’t think I could say where I began and my husband ended when I was giving head just then – and that’s the only way I know how to describe it.

As I kept going, he gave those tender noises that soft boys utter so well, and I came back up for air, for kisses, when he took the charge, flipped me back over...and I almost fell off the bed. He caught me first, and we laughed it off. I gotta say, this exercise made me incredibly grateful for the king bed. Without it, we would have both found ourselves on the floor somewhere near the beginning, probably with skinned elbows or a lump on our heads. 

The laughter was one of the highlights of our playtime. You can’t take yourself all that seriously when you’re both fumbling and blindfolded, can you? Odds are, you’re making funny faces, falling off the bed, and missing each other’s mouths as you go in for the kiss.

Course corrected, when he got me on my back – and not about to plunge to my death – he crawled his way down between my thighs, and explored in the same way I had earlier, as if he’d never been there before. He knows my body so well, and explored it slowly, with precision. Again, I felt that same Alan Watts, heady feeling wash over me. Feeling his mouth on my body, I thought I had a glimpse of what it was like to have my mouth there, too. While he was down there, I found his hair, and let myself get lost in that sensation too, grabbing one of his perfect ringlets and feeling its bounce between my fingers.

Finally, after my whole body tensed and released in pleasure, he leaned back, ready to take things another step further.

The finishing touches

I’ll be honest here. Having had endometriosis and seven surgeries for it, penetration is sometimes painful. With all that scar tissue, I tend to tense up my body in (negative) anticipation of what’s to come. Sometimes there’s no pain at all, and it’s always something I want overall, because most of it feels oh, so good. 

Not being able to see freed me from getting tense beforehand. Instead of worrying about how I might hypothetically feel, I just sank into the sensation itself. In so doing, each pulse felt like a bit of heaven. Spaces that sometimes felt tender instead were sexy, ripe, and perfect for the moment.

As we kept going, his hands roved over my body, landing on my sweet tootsies. Knowing we weren’t being watched made us bolder, and we had the freedom to explore this little kink of mine to new and thrilling depths. Each sweet toe was given special attention, and instead of feeling embarrassed by how much I love it, I got to just appreciate the sensations.

Blindfolded, I had license to let myself feel the pulsing possibility of sexuality under my skin, until I was so turned on and swallowed by the raw sensations inside me: being filled over and over, the softness of his silky tongue, the covers under my back, until the silkiness and pressure all mirrored each other in one big thunderclap.

When we both were spent, we took the blindfolds off and couldn’t resist saying our shared favorite line from that Frank Ocean album as it played aloud. Even our hearing was more in tune.

Reflecting back

I was surprised to find out that my favorite thing about the experience wasn’t any of the things that directly made me orgasm. It wasn’t even the feet, as sexy as that was. It was the amount of time we spent making out. My body burned in the places we touched. Straddling, grinding, kissing – it all was in hyperdrive. The littlest sensations are the ones I keep remembering: his ringlets, the softness of his tongue, my nipples on his chest. These things were brought into focus in a way I don’t always get to enjoy, being as familiar as I am with my husband’s body.

Okay, yes, the feet stuff was really nice too, I won’t lie.

And I’ve said it plenty of times during this article, but I know his body so well. Feeling our fingers and mouth explore each other was one of the nearest ways to becoming one person – something we joke about all the time. I was surprised by just how well I knew where each thing was on him. It wasn’t as hard to find his mouth as I thought, and I almost always touched exactly where I’d planned on.

And not that I’m ever particularly shy during sex, especially with him, but surrendering all of our sensations to one another and enjoying the feelings instead of taking in sights was liberating. I didn’t think once about the positons I twisted my body into, and never saw a roll, crease, scar or strange hair. In those blindfolded moments, my body felt perfect.

Not that I’m always down on my bod, per se. This freedom went in the opposite direction to. Unlike when I can see, there was no power pose that made me feel sexier. I didn’t rock above him like a redwood, or feel pride in the curve of a hip. Instead, I lived in touch, smell, taste, and sound.  

Surprisingly, although sound was a factor in my pleasure, I had the freedom to let go of it, not containing my noises of pleasure. In a way I hadn’t expected, I felt like an animal. Likewise, I was acutely aware of sharp intakes of my husband’s breath, of the way we breathed together at times, or how he inhaled at a new sensation. After we finished, he actually mentioned my expressive sounds – and not in a negative way. Just that I verbally lost it right at the end.

He didn’t need my face to see how I shuddered under the joy of his touch, or that he was around the corner from my second orgasm. Likewise, I didn’t need to see him to know what he was yearning for next.

Notes for next time

Always analytical, I kept a running list of thoughts for the next time we do this. Because let me be abundantly clear: there will be a next time, without a doubt. It was fun, scintillating, intimate, and beautiful – even with almost falling off the bed.

Next time, I’m hoping to explore more of these sensations. I really enjoyed the time of day we chose to play. It was the middle of the day, and there was something about the hint of afternoon light through my blindfold that added to the soft magic of the moment. It reminded me of some in-between space, and gave our play a sense of timelessness.

We put toys and lube within reach, but didn’t end up using them because we got so wrapped up in exploring each other’s bodies the old fashioned way. However, I’d make sure to have those nearby for next time regardless– and maybe even throw a few toys across the bed. Stumbling across a vibrator, a feather, or something else to play with would be a treat.

That is another thing: for next time, I’d love to grab a few more sensation-givers. For safety reasons, blindfolded play isn’t a good time to get into pain play. However, other sensations are a welcome invitation. Feathers, a crop whip whose tendrils you draw across skin, or even a heavy rubdown of coconut oil would be welcome additions to the pleasure sphere.

I also marveled at how nice it was to just make out with each other. When you’re with someone long enough, you don’t always spend time making out, and this showed me I’d do well to slow down sometimes. This first time playing like this, we had both just hopped out of the shower, and were already naked. Next time around, I think I’d like to start standing and fully clothed, so we could find our way to nakedness and the bed.

Oh, the bed. I am so grateful we had a king bed to roll around in for this experiment. A double bed would not have cut it without really limiting how we moved and adding a lot of readjusting to the mix. If you're not as lucky as we are to have scored a luxurious king bed for (almost) free, then try playing on the floor – or at the very least, just be mindful of the edges to your bed.

A king bed is also great if you’re planning on playing like this with multiple partners. And I feel like this is one kind of play that would shine in a threesome. The next time I’m playing with another partner in addition to Rhody, I know I’ll be whipping out the blindfolds.

Because after this, I will have legit blindfolds. Our go-to right now is a strip of cloth that does the job, but it’s not very glamorous. And since we’ve only had one person blindfolded in the past, we didn’t bother getting a second one. Things have changed. Soon, I’ll throw down for a few sleep masks, so they can fit snugly over our eyes...and leave our ears exposed.

Because traditional blindfolds covered them. And no free ears when every sensation is heightened is a missed opportunity. That meant no tender lobes for the nibbling – a serious tragedy, if you ask me. I actually didn’t realize they would be covered until I went for one of Rhody’s and was met with a large piece of cloth instead. I settled for the neck, but it wasn’t quite the same.

Next time, and there will be a next time soon, I’ll make sure a sweet ear is available to nibble on.

The verdict?

This is an amazing way to treasure your lover’s body and dive into new sensations. Sex is more fun when you play with your senses – and a blindfold helps you do just that. By surrendering my sight, I opened myself up to a host of feelings that I won’t be forgetting anytime soon. Hey, I even got to wax philosophical about it. 

I know this kind of play has found a permanent place in our lineup of ways to play. In the meantime, I’ll buy another blindfold (or two) to make sure we’re ready.

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