I’m going to be straight with you: if you’re skipping foreplay, you’re missing out on one of the best parts of having sex.
While I know that’s a bold statement (because orgasms are obviously amazing), hear me out: foreplay is like this intense, hot, passionate, kinky, erotic build-up to what will (hopefully) be the climactic main event that is having sex.
Don’t you know everything is better with a bit of a crescendo to it?
Not only that, but foreplay ensures everyone involved is at their highest point of arousal by the time you start having penetrative intercourse - which means it’s much easier for both (or all) parties involved to reach orgasmic bliss.
Now...how do you define foreplay?
Because foreplay can mean so many different things, and it can even mean different things to different people. Or taking it a step further, it can mean something different depending on the context of the situation.
In general, foreplay is the play that happens BEFORE you have sex...hence the name.
Now, as I said, this can mean a lot of different things.
When I was a teenager, foreplay was (looking back at it, rather uncoordinated) make-out sessions with some awkward groping around before we finally entered into what was most often just a few minutes of “excitement”. (Sorry, everyone I dated in high school…)
In my early 20s, foreplay was capital: teasing was practically my day job and I got my kicks from prolonging the foreplay as long as I could. I even started taking my solo foreplay to whole new levels by stripping on cam for someone to make my masturbation sessions a bit more fun.
(And yes, foreplay during masturbation is also important...but more on that later.)
Now that I’m in a committed relationship (and within arm’s reach of my 30s), foreplay is really a passionate, fun and sometimes wild interlude to what is consistently great sex with my spouse.
However you do foreplay, I’m here to make sure you (and your lover) have a good time in the prelude to your intercourse. Whether it’s kissing, touching, biting her neck, giving him oral sex, spanking, back massages, dirty talk or all of the above, I think we can all agree that foreplay is important...so let’s get it right, shall we?
When it comes to foreplay from a woman’s point of view, I think most of us can agree that it’s not just important, it’s kind of necessary. And by “kind of necessary”, I mean it’s essential.
You can’t just press a button to turn us on and expect the best sex of your life.
Not only do our minds need a bit of foreplay to get us into the mood, but our bodies need it too: foreplay is what will make us wet (literally) with anticipation for the main event. And I think you know what I mean when I say that dry sex isn’t great for anyone.
So...how do you make foreplay the best kind of play for her?
Act Like a Stranger (Roleplay)
An idea as old as time (or so it seems) is roleplaying. Whether you’re a doctor and she’s the on-call nurse you’re going to bend over the examination table or she’s a dominatrix and you’re her submissive client - women appreciate a bit of fantasy in their foreplay.
Another great idea?
Take this foreplay roleplay to the next level and start the games while you’re in public.
Visit a bar after you’ve gone out to eat...have her go in first and strike up a conversation with some guy. Then you enter, and make a play for her affections as some big shot realtor who sells million-dollar homes or a young and wild athlete looking to blow off some steam before the big game.
Nothing is sexier than pretending you don’t know each other when you really do know each other, because you know just how to press her “on” buttons.
Tease Her
For some unknown reason, when we think of teasing, most of the time we think of a woman teasing a man. I couldn’t tell you why this is - but I can tell you (as a person with a vagina and breasts) that we too, would like a bit of teasing every once and awhile.
Whether you strip for her or boost your foreplay with a bit of bondage - teasing your lover relentlessly until she is begging to be ravished can make foreplay a billion times steamier.
Massage Her
Is there anything sexier than a massage? Some oils, scented candles flickering, nice clean bedsheets you’re about to destroy by having dirty, unabashed kink-sex on...I mean - the mood is set.
Massages can be an amazing leeway into sex and can add a nice sensual vibe to foreplay.
Tell Her What You’re Going to Do To Her
We all know dirty talking is awesome, but maybe she wants a little more than the typical naughty notes you usually sing. Take her by surprise...give her a really good kiss, and then whispering in her ear every little (kinky) thing you’re about to do to her.
As someone who has been caught (pleasantly) off-guard by this tactic in the past, I can tell you that her knees will weaken and her panties will drop - fast.
Take Control
If you think she will respond well to being swept off her feet - by all means, DO IT.
While I pride myself on being someone who can switch between dominant and submissive pretty easily, there was a time when I was determined to be dominant.
Even then, in my most controlling state of self, I loved it when my guy took charge of the night’s festivities and did what he wanted to do with me. Giving up control like that for a few minutes and having someone else call the shots can be incredibly erotic and intoxicating, especially if you’re the one who is used to being in charge.
Make Her Life Easier
Nothing (I repeat: NOTHING) is sexier than when my husband cooks, cleans or takes out the trash. Sometimes the sexiest thing you can do for her is free up her time and give her a sense of calm.
Doing some chores around the house will get her in the mood - and besides: a clean table is one you can bend her over later...so there’s that.
The boobs, vagina and juicy booty are very tempting to concentrate on…I get it. But we are made of so much more than that - so why not let yourself do some exploring. I bet she will love it when you pay attention to some of these areas during your foreplay.
Her Neck
A woman’s neck is sensitive, and while biting is a common idea when it comes to foreplay, have you ever thought of kissing or trailing your fingers along her jawline? And if you really want to drive her wild, put your hands (gently) around her neck while you give her a strong, passionate kiss.
Her Nipples
Who doesn’t love breasts? They are fantastic.
But breast play is more than just about squishing them in your hands or giving them a good slap while she’s riding you. The nipples are sensitive erogenous zones that can be used to help amp up the heat in your foreplay. Sucking or giving a few light pinches will be enough to get her going - but if you want to take it to the next level, why not add some nipple clamps into the mix?
A Sofia Gray favorite is the Alligator Nipple Clamp set from Babeland with adjustable pressure points. If you’re looking for something to add to your bondage foreplay, I personally really enjoy this collar/nipple clamp duo.
The Sides of Her Torso (along her ribcage)
This spot drives me wild, and my lover knows it.
This is typically how our foreplay gets started, by him trailing his fingertips down the side of my ribcage and stopping just before my thigh, to trail back up again and stop right below my breast.
This area is extremely sensitive and can be something of a seductive and subtle way of letting her know where else you want your fingers to travel tonight.
Her Thighs
Bite. Her. Thighs.
Well, you’re already down there to give her amazing oral sex, right? Because obviously, oral sex is on the foreplay list...so - while you’re down there, give the inside of her thighs a little bite. It may take her a bit off guard but in the best ways.
And if you want to know a really neat trick?
Take your spanking to a whole new level by getting her just beneath her butt cheeks, where her thighs and her butt meet. This area is super sensitive, so don’t smack too hard - but she will love feeling the vibrations of a good smack all throughout her juicy bottom.
Her Toes (if she’s into that)
This one is more of a niche interest, if she (or you) have a thing for feet, don’t forget to incorporate that into your foreplay games. Sucking or nibbling on her toes will tingle and tickle in all the best ways.
Her Butt
Her smooth behind is good for more than just looking at, you know.
Whether it’s spanking, squeezing or anal foreplay - there are tons of things you can do with a woman’s butt during foreplay.
Spanking is (of course) sexy and appropriate punishments should be delivered if your little princess has been naughty. And squeezing her butt while you kiss her and run the other hand through her hair? That’s the stuff saucy and steamy romance novels are made of.
But anal foreplay...that’s what I want to focus on.
If you’re new to anal, it can be a bit daunting...so why not start with the foreplay and work your way up? Everything you need to know about anal foreplay can be found in our Beginner’s Guide to Anal Sex, but here’s a few quick pointers: talk about this beforehand, and if it’s something she is interested in, start small (with maybe a finger or a thin sex toy), add some lube and go slowly.
It may take a while to get used to but adding this sensation into your foreplay can give it a huge kick.
What do men like when it comes to foreplay? While most men think of women as this intricate ticking time bomb with an instructional manual written in 5 different dead languages, sometimes women have just as big of a problem figuring out what men want in the bedroom, too.
What are the best ways to rev his engine during your foreplay?
Striptease
Ah yes, the striptease.
If there is one fantasy that is super common amongst men, it’s that their girlfriend is a stripper. Or that a stripper is dancing for them. Or that they are having sex with a stripper.
Really, I don’t mean to put them in a box here...but most men just love strippers.
Unleash your wilder side: throw on some sexy lingerie and a pair of heels and give your man a treat for the eyes before letting him touch you (at all). Really amp up the “tease” in striptease, calling him to kiss you and then pushing him away.
The Element of Surprise
While this can be hit or miss (as sometimes you can’t help it when you’re just not in the mood) - you can flip your lover’s “on” switch easily by just appearing, completely naked in front of them like some kind of sexy mirage.
This has worked for me a handful of times - one night in particular when my man got home from a two-day business trip. As soon as dinner was away, I came around the corner completely naked and his jaw practically hit the floor. We didn’t even make it to the bedroom, he was so turned on.
(Kitchen counter sex is great, by the way.)
Talk Dirty
Talking dirty to your man can give you a kind of sex appeal you had no idea you were lacking...and from personal experience, it makes you feel kind of badass.
Need some dirty talk ideas? Tell him what you are going to do to him...or what you want him to do to you. Or tell him just how sexy you think he is.
Dirty talk can be tricky - you want to sound sexy, confident and not totally awkward.
Luckily, we have a guide for that.
Be His Fantasy
Does your man have a thing for a certain celebrity or porn star? Does he like the whole “school girl” thing? Maybe he’s into the leather dominatrix vibe? Whatever his thing is - turn yourself into that for a night.
There is something completely erotic and exciting about pretending to be someone or something else, and it will drive him absolutely wild to see another side of you.
Some Lingerie, Maybe
Nothing says “take your time with me” like lingerie he wants to slip off you one piece at a time.
Lingerie can be a great way to spice up your foreplay. Not only does it add some dynamic to your fun (maybe you’re dressed as a slutty nurse or a sexy Santa’s helper), but it also reminds your lover to take his time with you, making foreplay last even longer.
Melt His Stress Away
Just like doing the dishes can get her into the mood because it takes something off her plate, women may need to put in a little extra work to get your man’s mind off the stress of the day.
A steamy (and completely naked) massage, by a completely naked masseuse, is one surefire way to make sure he isn’t thinking about anything other than the curves of your body.
A man is more than his parts...so much more. I mean...he has other parts.
We all know you’re thinking about what is modernly referred to as his “eggplant emoji” - but let’s talk about some of the other parts of your man’s body that you should focus on during foreplay.
His Neck and Collarbone
The neck, collarbone and the little “dip” where his collarbone meets his chest are super sensitive areas that are great for planting little kisses on.
Trailing your fingers down his jawline and tracing his collarbone while you kiss him will give him all kinds of ideas on where he is hoping your fingers might travel to next.
His Arms
Am I wrong in thinking there is something particularly sexy about a man’s arms? Maybe it’s thinking about him playing the part of a dirty shirtless mechanic that makes me think of this - but either way: his arms aren’t just for holding you.
The easiest way to give a man the best kind of goosebumps is to trail your fingers down the inside of his arm. Doing this while you’re out in public on a date or in the car on the way home will let him know you’re in the mood for a certain kind of dessert when you walk through the front door together.
His Earlobes
Earlobes are so under-rated, I think. When we think of something sexy, the idea of nibbling on your lover’s ear likely does occur to you...but when’s the last time you tried it?
I don’t know about you, but my mouth is busy doing all sorts of other things during foreplay to be nibbling on his ear...but maybe I should start incorporating that into the mix because the few times I’ve done it, it’s been very well-received.
His Shoulders & Upper Back
When you think of a man’s upper back and shoulders, you’re probably thinking about those claw marks you leave mid-climax, am I right? Well, some sensual rubbing or gentle clawing during a raunchy make-out sesh can add a bit of heat to any foreplay session. The harder you claw at him during foreplay can also let him know you just how rough you want it this time.
The “V”
The “V” I’m referring to here is basically his pubic bone, that sexy area right where his pant line is. Some call it the treasure trail, some call it the “v” - whatever you call it, teasing him by tracing your fingers across his chest and moving (slowly) down towards his manhood, but stopping right at his pubic done can have him begging for more.
His Nipples
A man’s nipples are so often left out of foreplay but why? Just like on a woman’s body, a man’s nipples can be sensitive - and you can use that sensitivity to your advantage. A few light kisses or trailing your fingers past them as you move around his chest can give him a bit of a bristling arousal for what’s to come.
His Butt
Just like how a woman’s butt is more than just what it appears to be (which is nice to look at), a guy’s butt has so much more to offer. Again, you can spank, paddle or squeeze - but the real show stopper is anal foreplay for men.
There are so many misconceptions and stigmas around male butt play - but why!?
Anal foreplay feels good - period.
If he’s interested, you can start to incorporate some anal foreplay into your late-night love sesh by slipping a well-lubed finger or thin toy in. Want to heat things up even more, taking things to another level? Beginner butt play kits (like this one) can give your foreplay a whole new twist.
His Hair
While every good romance novel has the hunky dream guy running his hands through the quirky lead gal’s hair while he kisses her - playing with hair isn’t just something women enjoy.
Running your hands through his hair while you kiss him or while he plays with your breasts can give an intimate twist to your games.
Want to take a bit of control? Gently tug his hair while he goes down on you, directing him where to go like a horse trainer in the saddle. A woman who knows what she wants is sexy.
Foreplay isn’t just for two, you know.
In fact, I might even argue foreplay is most important when you’re by yourself. The art of masturbation is something that is often glossed over for the sake of time (at least in my life) - and that’s a damn shame.
Masturbation should be about self-care, self-love, self-expression and ultimately, self-pleasure. This is your time...why not take your time?
The best way to add foreplay into your me-time is sensual self-touch. Erogenous zones aren’t just for partner play...those same zones still feel hot to the touch when you’re by yourself, too!
Touching, rubbing, pinching, pulling or squeezing your nipples, inner thighs, neck, breasts, butt and other parts of your body can enhance your solo play experience.
Not enough hands?
Well, try a hands-free sex toy - because modern technology is on your side.
Another benefit of foreplay masturbation? Better masturbation makes for better orgasms every time (even with a partner) - so there’s that.
Engaging in foreplay can help you and your partner build a kind of emotional intimacy that just isn’t paralleled by the quickie version of sex. Knowing how to touch your partner, what buttons to press and when, can be incredibly erotic and a total bonding experience.
Not only that, but foreplay is proven to make sex better (and last longer)...and when was good, time-consuming sex ever bad for a relationship?
Foreplay doesn’t just feel good, but it also engages the emotional parts of your brain, which can make you and your partner feel connected inside and outside of the bedroom. Maybe you’re both feeling stressed due to the holidays or troubles with work? Foreplay is a great tension breaker.
There really are countless ways good foreplay can improve your relationship, but the biggest takeaway here is this: foreplay equals better, more intimate sex. Better, more intimate sex equals a stronger connection between you. A stronger connection makes it easier to talk to each other. And you know what they say: communication is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship.
Ladies...if sex has ever been painful for you...keep reading.
And men...if you’ve ever wondered how you can keep your erection longer...keep reading.
Let’s start with foreplay and female sexual health.
While there are a few different medical reasons sex could be hurting you, after checking with some doctors, you may find your answer. If you are having pain during sex and have ruled out medical reasons (like endometriosis), the reason may be as simple as this: you’re not wet enough.
Friction and a lack of lubrication during sex is an extremely common (more than you think) reason why sex is painful for some women. Even if you’re totally ready mentally (I mean, practically drooling at the thought of your lover touching you) - our bodies need time to get warmed up and produce the natural lubricant most of us rely on to keep things feeling good.
While making do with lube has been considered a way to get around foreplay (popular when you just want a “quickie”), letting yourself become naturally wet during foreplay is a great way to ensure there is no pain involved when it comes time to penetrate.
The benefits of foreplay for our sexual health isn’t just geared towards the woman, either...it’s just as important for men.
Sometimes it’s really tempting to rush through foreplay and straight into penetrative intercourse for fear of losing your erection...but foreplay matters and can actually have beneficial effects, if you take your time.
Engaging in consistent foreplay when you and your lady get raunchy between the sheets can ultimately help you keep your erection longer, because you build up the stamina to keep going. Additionally, adding something like a cock-ring into your foreplay games can also help you keep your erection longer (because that’s what they are meant to do)!
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