If you’re a cis man or you were assigned male at birth, you have a prostate.
So if that’s true, why aren’t you using it?!
Straight, cis men often resist the idea of having their prostate stimulated. There are many reasons for that, but you probably don’t realize that you’re missing out on a ton of pleasure. You’d even get to try out a different kind of orgasm! How could you pass that up?
The prostate is a gland that’s about the size of a walnut. It’s located between the bladder and the penis, just in front of the rectum. It wraps around the urethra as well. The most direct way to make contact with the prostate is through the anus. You’ll feel a bump when you stick a finger inside, about two knuckles deep.
The muscles in the gland help propel the semen during ejaculation, but its main purpose is to produce seminal fluid. It makes up about one third of the total volume of the semen, and contains various enzymes, zinc, and citric acid. It’s alkaline, which is what makes jizz taste slightly bitter.
The prostate is very sensitive, and stimulating it generally feels very, very good. Some liken it to the female G-spot, calling it the P-spot. Although it’s functional, it can be very recreational as well.
Prostate stimulation feels really awesome. It’s possible to come from prostate stimulation alone, without touching your dick at all.
“When it hit, it fucking hit.
A wave smashing into my groin, wave after wave smashing over the rest of my body. My skin felt super receptive. I felt every hair follicle on my scalp, and I felt a pressure building again.
I had ended up groaning again, quite loudly, and shot across the room. Multiple volleys of semen flew across the room, managing to hit the opposite wall.
When it was over I was still quivering. Gasping for air and trying not to touch my body. I grazed my nipples and nearly had a seizure. I cleaned myself off after 10 minutes trying to regain my composure. When I stood up I couldn't walk. My knees were quivering with exhaustion.
It was intense beyond intense.”
“For me, I find that I am simply overcome by the sheer power of orgasm…. It is a lot stronger. After it happens, I’m stuck there out of breath and trembling for at least a few minutes – as if all of my energy had just been sucked out of my body and concentrated into a ridiculous orgasm. P-spot is the way to go.”
Is that enough of an endorsement for ya?
Many people say that prostate orgasms are much better than genital orgasms. They’re at least different. They generally last longer, especially since the ramp up is often longer. Some men say they can even orgasm for several minutes from massaging their P-spot, coming multiple times. They can also be more intense and more full body, causing the shakes.
You don’t usually ejaculate during exclusively prostate orgasms. This is great because it allows you to come multiple times in a row. If you’ve ever been jealous of your girlfriend’s ability to go several rounds without a break, prostate stimulation could be the way to do it!
There’s a lot of stigma about men being penetrated in our society. It’s gross, and we need to throw it in the garbage ASAP.
So you have some reservations about having your prostate stimulated. Let’s rebut some stereotypes.
Having your prostate stimulated doesn’t make you less masculine. Sex acts don’t make you masculine or feminine; your gender identity and presentation do. Sure, it’s possible to use anal sex and pegging to play up power dynamics in the bedroom, but remember that your girlfriend is not somone you need to assert your power over. She’s your equal, and has just as much of a right to try penetration out if she wants to (and both of you are into it).
Having your prostate stimulated doesn’t make you gay, either. Most people think of anal sex as “a gay thing.” However, here’s some breaking news: gay men do a lot of the sex acts you and your girlfriend do. They give and receive oral sex, kiss, and engage in the kinks you like. Does that make those things automatically gay, too?
If you’re struggling with the idea that anal stimulation is gay, ask yourself why that would be a bad thing anyway. You know you’re not gay, so there’s no reason you have to limit yourself to prove it.
Also, consider why you recoil so much at something that’s “gay.” You might have some homophobia going on that you need to deprogram.
Need a little more convincing? Prostate stimulation can actually have medical benefits. Usually you can only get those by doing unpleasant stuff like drinking apple cider vinegar or doing cardio.
One of the most effective ways of stimulating a prostate is a prostate massage. This is also sometimes called “milking.” This generally just involves you or another person sticking their finger up your ass and massaging your prostate. This stimulation is firm but present, and it is the way many people reach prostate orgasms.
Prostate massages clear the prostatic duct, which runs between your prostate and the rest of your reproductive and urinary system. When you come after the massage, you will clear the duct of any fluid.
This is used to treat several medical conditions. It’s most commonly used today to treat blocked urine flow. Since the prostate surrounds your urethra, it can interfere with or even cut off the flow of urine. Prostate massage can help ease swelling and bring back your ability to pee.
These massages can also be used to help erectile dysfunction and painful ejaculation. These used to be common treatments before other alternatives were introduced. If you’re opposed to drugs or have tried other options, a prostate massage may help you.
Prostate massages are also helpful because they can clear up calcifications that cause prostatitis. These calcifications happen throughout your daily life, especially if you lead a more sedentary lifestyle (like most of us do nowadays). A massage will oxygenate these buildups and remove them.
One of the most important things a prostate massage can help with is preventing prostate cancer. This is because when men have an orgasm, it oxygenates the prostatic fluid, which expels biological, fungal, and viral contaminants that build up in the prostate gland over time. Getting rid of this gunk speeds up lymphocyte production, which helps the body fight off cancer. Milking a prostate once per month can reduce the rate of prostate cancer by as much as 30%!
It can prevent prostate cancer in one other important way. Ejaculating more than 21 times per month has been shown to help reduce the risk of prostate cancer. Changing things up in the bedroom and trying new things is a great way to have sex more often. The study says this is effective only in men older than 50, but you might as well get in the habit now, right?
You’re not the only one who can benefit from anal play. A lot of women find pegging really hot.
In case you don’t know, pegging is when a woman wears a strap on dildo and fucks a man in the ass. This is becoming more and more common, especially with more media exposure.
A lot of women heard about pegging for the first time from an episode of Broad City. You can watch the most relevant scene of the episode here. Basically, Abbi is hooking up with a guy. She asks to switch, meaning switch positions. He misinterprets and pulls out a strap on. She wants to try it out but she’s nervous, so she calls her best friend Ilana. Ilana (intensely) encourages her to take this opportunity.
“All throughout college I slept with a strap-on on just in case the opportunity came along, that you have handed to you on a silver fucking platter!” Ilana says after twerking in excitement for her best friend.
Abbi does end up pegging him, and while the rest of the episode goes south, it has nothing to do with pegging. Abbi ends up really liking it after giving it a chance.
(Side note: pegging is also included in the movie Deadpool, during a montage of sex between Deadpool and his girlfriend. So, just saying, even your favorite superheroes are down for getting fucked.)
With more attention on pegging, women are coming forward to say that they love it.
On a Reddit thread, one woman wrote:
“For me it's the way my boyfriend fucking moans and writhes while I'm fucking him. It's SO different and so hot. He's usually pretty quiet when he fucks me but he moans soooooo loudly when I'm pegging him. Our power dynamic definitely switches when we're pegging and he becomes incredibly submissive.”
Someone else wrote:
“The best part is knowing how good, awesome, hot, and amazing they're feeling because you're giving it to them. It's really intense, intimate, and it makes me super wet and turned on knowing how hot and turned on it makes them feel. For me it's a lot less about the power dynamic and a lot more about the intensity, pleasure, and intimacy.”
But who says that any woman you’re sleeping with would be into it? Well luckily, the odds are in your favor.
In a survey by sex toy company LELO, 80% of women said they would perform a prostate massage on their partner if they were asked to. It seems like the stigma about prostate stimulation isn’t as strong in women as it is in men.
So there’s a good chance that if you want to try prostate stimulation with a partner, all you have to do is ask.
If you’re ready to take the plunge, you might feel more secure bringing a partner along. Of course, there’s no way to know for sure whether she’ll be into it. If she’s not, it’s not the end of the world. We’ll talk about solo prostate stimulation a bit later.
To get her opinion, you might feel more comfortable bringing it up casually (or as casually as you can). Don’t put a lot of weight on it, or make a big deal about it in your head. Try just saying, “Have you ever heard of pegging?” and see where the conversation goes. If she asks you why, you can just say you saw an article about it online.
She might have a strong negative reaction right away. If this is the case, you have a choice. You can ask what her reservations are and see if you can debunk them. Or you can drop it. If it’s something you’re very interested in trying, though, see if you can calmly and respectfully reach some common ground.
If your talk starts to get more serious and you get a positive reaction, you can discuss what both of you would be comfortable with. You guys could start with having her put a finger up there while you’re having sex or while she’s giving you a blowjob. She could watch you while you wear a prostate stimulator toy. And of course, if she’s excited, you can look into buying some pegging supplies.
While having this conversation, don’t try to pressure her. No one should be forced or coerced into doing anything sexual they don’t want to do. As long as there not being any pegging in your relationship isn’t a dealbreaker for you, you can go back to your sex life as it was (and use prostate stimulation to get yourself off solo).
Now you’re ready to begin, whether by yourself or with a partner. One last important thing: how do you find the prostate?
It’s easiest to start by finding it with your finger. This way, you have more control and know what it feels like to touch it.
Before you start, make sure you’ve used the bathroom very recently so you don’t run into a mess. It also doesn’t hurt to take a shower or bath, making sure to wash your asshole with a cloth.
One more hygiene thing: don’t try to do this with long fingernails! The rectum is very sensitive to scratches, and it’ll hurt, too! If you’re clipping them right before, make sure to file them as well, or you’ll still have sharp edges from the clippers.
Now, lay down flat on your bed and get in a position that works for you. Sometimes using a pillow helps. As long as you can access your ass from this position and you’re comfortable, that’s great.
Before you go in, you’ll need to lube up your finger. While the vagina self-lubricates, the asshole does not. Sticking things up your butt with no lubrication is not fun.
Once you’re ready, put your hand between your legs and gently put your index finger up your ass. Curve it up towards your penis, then stop once it reaches the second or third knuckle (about 2-3 inches). Take your time and go slow. Your prostate is towards the front of your body, so make sure you’re looking there. You’ll need to feel around a bit, but soon you should find a walnut-sized bump that will feel good when you touch it.
Congrats! You’ve found your prostate.
If you’re still nervous about being penetrated, you can get a taste of what having your prostate stimulated feels like by playing with it externally. It won’t be nearly as effective, but it can prove to you that you do have a special spot up there that feels really good.
An external prostate massage is done by massaging your perineum. If you’ve never heard of that before, it’s just a better word for your taint. It’s the ridge between your penis and your rectum.
After you’ve relaxed and you’re lying on your back, take three fingers (index, middle, and ring) and place them on your perineum. You should apply pressure that’s gentle and firm at the same time. (It should feel like you’re touching something, but it also definitely shouldn’t hurt).
Now, rub this area in circles. You can do five clockwise, then five counterclockwise. Feel free to move however feels good for you; there’s no wrong way to do this if you like it. You can continue as long as you want.
Some men are able to orgasm from an external prostate massage alone, but this is kinda rare. Usually touching the prostate from the outside feels good, but not enough to bring you to orgasm. If you try out external play and enjoy it, there are several other, more direct ways to enjoy prostate stimulation. If this is all you’re comfortable with for now, you can add in this move while you jerk off.
Up above, we already talked about finding your prostate with your fingers. However, that’s only the beginning of the process.
You should know beforehand that prostate play can take some time. Some people say it’s between 20 minutes and 2 hours. Don’t try this out before you have to go to work or if you know someone will be home soon who you don’t want to hear you.
You don’t need too many supplies for this method. You can use any type of lube that’s body safe. Some people prefer to wear a condom on their fingers or gloves while they stimulate the asshole, so be prepared if you or your partner would like this.
Pick a position that feels comfortable for you (and your partner if they’re helping). You can lie on your side or your back, and if something isn’t comfortable, you can switch in the middle. Don’t forget to relax, and consider taking some deep breaths, meditating, or taking a shower.
First, do some foreplay like you would with any other kind of sex. Massage the outer rim, tracing your fingers around it. Then insert your fingers slowly and shallowly. Work up to touching the prostate.
Make sure you stimulate the prostate with your fingertips, not your fingernails. (This is a great tip, whether you’re fingering an asshole or finding your partner’s G-spot.) This will make sure that you’re experiencing pleasure, not pain. Also, if you suddenly feel like you intensely have to pee, you’re pushing down too hard.
One of the things that the P-spot responds best to is “come hither” motions. Think of it like you’re motioning for someone to come towards you with your fingers. Try out different movements and amounts of pressure to see what works for you.
Don’t forget that this type of stimulation can take stamina and hand strength, so if you or your partner doesn’t feel like they’re up to the task, there are toys that can help you reach that prostate orgasm.
Prostate massagers are probably the easiest way to reach a P-spot orgasm. They’re automatically designed to hit your prostate without having to hunt for it, and they vibrate! (Your girlfriend isn’t the only one with a special vibrator anymore.)
Any anal stimulation can stimulate the prostate. However, unlike a dildo or a buttplug, they’re curved to directly hit the prostate. And like other anal toys, they have a flared base so they don’t get stuck.
Pay attention to the material of your toy when you’re choosing lube. If your massager is silicone, don’t use silicone lube with it, as it will degrade the toy over time.
Insert the prostate massager with the curve facing forward (towards your belly button). It will be easy to tell when the toy has been inserted correctly. You’ll either feel pleasure, notice sensitivity, or just feel the sensation of it fitting.
There are two ways to use a prostate stimulator. First, you can move the toy inside you in whatever way feels good to you. This requires more attention and doesn’t leave your hands free.
You can also clench and unclench your kegel muscles for a hands free option. (You might have thought that only women had kegels, since you hear about them all the time. Nope!) If you want to locate these muscles, try to stop your urine stream the next time you use the bathroom. These are the muscles you’ll flex for this method.
Clenching and unclenching your kegels will cause the massager to move up and down, rocking up against your prostate. You can keep doing this for however long you like, and hopefully until you reach orgasm.
Many advocates of the prostate massage say it’s best when you don’t play with your dick at all during the process. This makes it more likely that you’ll be able to have multiple orgasms. However, if you want to use the toy with your partner, you could just wear it while the two of you fool around however you like.
If you and your girlfriend are both interested in trying prostate play, pegging is a super fun, intimate way to try it. It can actually bring both of you to orgasm, too.
In order to try pegging, you’ll need a dildo and a harness. There are lots of options, but consider getting a vibrating dildo or one that rubs against her clit. This will help the two of you get off at the same time. There are also strapless strap ons that are inserted into her vagina and then used to fuck you. However, these have mixed reviews, as it can be hard to get the positioning right, and they sometimes don’t work in every body.
You probably shouldn’t start out with a massive dildo at first. This can be overwhelming and cause you to clench up. Start with something on the smaller side. A good rule is to start with something a little smaller than you think you want. You can always go bigger later. If you’re not into something super lifelike, there are many different shapes, sizes, and colors to choose from.
Use lots of lube. Just like with the prostate massager, don’t use silicone if you’re using a silicone dildo.
Once you’ve done some foreplay, your partner will penetrate you. You’ll probably feel full and maybe even a little uncomfortable while you adjust. Tell her to start slow, and don’t be afraid to let her know what you want. Fucking someone with a strap on can be more difficult than using an actual penis because you can’t feel what’s going on. If she isn’t hitting your prostate, help her find the right spot. If she’s going too fast, tell her to slow down. If something is hurting you, tell her to stop.
Try out a few different positions. You can try riding cowboy style so you can control the speed, or you can always try the default doggy style that you see in porn. Penetration can be easier if you lie on your back, knees up to your chest.
Talk about how you both feel about power play before you begin. It’s possible to do a role reversal during pegging, but you don’t have to. It’s totally normal to be a man getting fucked, or for a woman to do the fucking. The power dynamic only needs to change for the session if you want it to.
We’ll make this one short.
Prostate play feels amazing.
It can give you the best orgasms you’ve ever had.
It doesn’t make you any less of a man, or any less straight.
And it can change up your relationship with your partner for the better.
Unclench and give it a try.