Financial domination is a BDSM term that is often shortened to “findom” and it essentially refers to the fetish of being a financial slave. According to Kinkly, it’s most commonly seen between a willing male submissive and a female Domme or dominatrix.
Is there an exchange of services or is it really just “free money” for the findomme?
One of the most common thoughts when it comes to financial domination is that the Dom/me is getting money essentially for free. Is this the case? Sometimes, but not always. Financial domination can be in exchange for things (demeaning comments, explicit photos or texting, any form of sexual attention, etc) or it can be a simple a way of submission without getting any material thing in return.
Is there a difference between being a sugar baby and being in a financial domination relationship?
This was one of the biggest questions I have about this, considering I just wrote about sugar dating not that long ago. How is financial domination different from sugar dating?
Sugar dating is where a “sugar baby” (typically a young adult) receives cash, gifts, trips, and/or other financial benefits in exchange for providing rich, older adults with their company. This can include the exchange of sexual favors but doesn’t always. Sometimes this means attending parties with them or going on trips with them.
Financial domination, on the other hand, is, at its core, a D/s relationship. The Dominant is the receiver of money and the submissive is the one who happily gives it. Financial Domme’s are expected to Dominate, humiliate, ridicule, or even degrade the submissive. The submissive, in a financial domination relationship, will be turned on by all of this. They want their Dom/me to demand money from them and there is typically very little physical interaction between the two - which is what makes online financial domination so popular.
Why would someone want this? Well, there are actually many reasons why this is appealing to people who willingly participate in essentially being extorted for money...
It can be a degradation/humiliation thing.
Sometimes the Dom/me in the situation will demean, degrade, and humiliate the “money slave” in exchange for money or gifts. If you are someone who gets off on degradation, sending $5 to an extremely sexy and intense woman to do this for you seems like a great trade-off.
It can be a servitude thing.
Sometimes serving people gets you off. As a submissive, I know this is true. Serving someone, gifting them things, giving them money, making them happy - all of this can be incredibly arousing and some people just find it extremely rewarding to financially support someone.
As a submissive, it can feel natural.
As a submissive, I feel like I understand financial domination in a way. While I personally wouldn’t be into becoming a money slave or cash cow (see our list of findom definitions below), I do understand that it’s rewarding to support your Dom/me in any kind of way. Take OnlyFans or custom content, for example. If you’re paying for a subscription to someone’s OnlyFans page or are buying custom content from a small-scale NSFW creator, you’re supporting them financially and getting a sexual thing in return. Really, it’s quite similar, minus the degradation that is often associated with findom activities.
It’s a power exchange.
Much like many other BDSM activities, findom is all about exchanging power. A powerful woman demanding something of you, you submitting to her whims - it’s erotic and intense, as are most power exchanges.
The erotic invasion…
According to a self-proclaimed submissive who engages in findom activities (and who wanted to share their story with The Independent), “The arousal factor comes from the thought of the domme invading the personal space that is your finances…” He goes on to explain, “Financial domination scoops up this notion of human beings and weaponizes it as something kinky. It's intimacy, in a very capitalistic and masochistic way.”
As with everything BDSM, knowing the terms that are commonly used to describe the ins-and-outs of a certain kink or fetish is essential to being able to properly (and safely) engage in that fetish yourself.
So, for those who are interested, here are a few prominent financial domination terms you may want to be familiar with before diving into this world...
This is the term most often associated with financial dominatrixes, but it can also be used to describe the findom scene as a whole.
This is a person who is considered the “superior” in a D/s relationship. In the findom community,
they can be called God/Goddess, Master/Misstress, or Dom/Domme.
This is a person who is considered the “beta” in a D/s relationship. In the findom community, they can be called cash cows, money slaves, or even human ATMs.
A “cash cow” is a term most often used to describe a kind of investment that provides a steady profit. In the findom world, a cash cow is used to describe a regular customer of a financial dominatrix, someone they know they can always get a profit from.
A “pay pig” is a submissive person (typically a man) who gets sexual satisfaction from being financially exploited. Paypigs give without any expectations of anything in return.
A “money slave” is someone who enjoys being humiliated, degraded, and/or extorted by a financial dominatrix.
A tribute is a submissive’s way of paying homage to a respected Dom/me in the community. This is usually a payment, wishlist purchase, or gift card sent from a submissive to a Dom/me. Tributes are most commonly done by a submissive who is first initiating contact with a Dom/me in hopes of gaining pay to play sessions or becoming an owned submissive.
A rinse (sometimes referred to as a wallet rinse) occurs when a Dominant takes money from a submissive (repeated smaller amounts) instead of having them send one large tribute.
If you see the word “send” written like this, it’s most likely referring to financial domination. Typically, it means “send me tributes”, and it’s most commonly used in the online world of financial domination, most specifically on Twitter or other social media sites.
A cash meet (sometimes referred to as cash point meet) is an in-person meeting between a Dom/me and a sub where the submissive provides money or pays for items during the Dom/mes shopping experience.
A gift slave is a submissive that is expected (through previously consented upon terms) to send gifts or purchase things off a wishlist for their Dom/me.
This is the term used to describe a submissive that gives money (typically larger amounts or small, very frequent amounts) to the same Dom/me.
Subdrop (bottom drop)
This is a term used for the after-feeling of experiencing subspace (which you can read more about here). In the findom community, this can be described as the extreme low, feeling of guilt or shame/stress that comes after a findomme has drained your account or after you’ve sent them money. A “proper” financial Dominant will respect their submissive’s cash limits (which should be set ahead of time).
Sex, and everything surrounding sex, can very easily become addictive. If you aren’t managing your fetish properly and it’s spilling out and negatively impacting other areas of your life, things can get messy quickly. This is especially true when the fetish you’re talking about deals with something as serious as finances.
Smashing the findom stereotype…
For anyone who doesn’t understand this fetish, it’s really thought to consist of nothing but “gold-digging”, “greedy” and/or “manipulative” women who are looking to make quick cash. This is the stereotype of financial domination.
For those who are actively engaged in financial domination, it’s about so much more than just finances. True financial D/s relationships are about trust, honesty, consent, connection, intimacy, and sexual satisfaction for everyone involved. The people who pay into findommes are people who genuinely enjoy it and even get off on it.
A little note on findom and subspace…
Steve (not his real name) explained in that Independent article I mentioned earlier that he enters “the zone” when discussing financial exchanges with his Domme. This is a place where he is “free from all his worries and woes” - and if that isn’t subspace, I don’t know what is. The interesting (and important) part that you need to remember is that entering subspace can be an incredibly intense time where you’re highly suggestible - so you need to be paired with a findom partner who isn’t going to take advantage of that space. This can be an incredibly difficult thing to find because money tends to bring out the worst in people.
Steve goes on to explain that when he comes crashing back down to earth (and levels out of subspace) he’s left with a hole in his wallet and a head full of regret. This is the unhealthy cycle or style of findom that I wanted to draw your attention to.
Steve has found an unhealthy findom attachment. His Domme is clearly someone who isn’t interested in his well-being, isn’t wanting to really put the effort in to be a caring Domme, and is most likely trying to make quick cash.
As I said, money can bring out the worst in people, and there are many financial Dom/mes who are simply out for the cash and not actually interested in creating a healthy findom relationship with someone.
It all boils down to what you want and how you want to achieve it...
If your goal, in a findom transaction, is to get lost in something so you can “switch off” for a while, then that should be clear to both you and your Dom/me. If you're looking for a more long-term relationship where someone controls your finances and you pay them and dote on them, etc - then this is a totally different kind of findom relationship.
“There’s a difference between a financial dominatrix and a mean girl demanding money…”
Steve, in that same article, goes on to explain that finding a true financial dominatrix can be difficult. In the world of Premium Snapchat and NSFW Twitter, you can come across a lot of different types of findommes.
There seems to be an infinite herd of young men and (primarily) women on platforms like findom.com and Twitter who want money and claim to be financial dom/mes. Are they? Of course - but they are a certain breed. If you’re looking to support a “mean girl” who is just looking for money, this is your jam. However, if you’re looking to develop a D/s style relationship where the exchange of money is a key part of your dynamic, you will need to be a bit more careful with who you choose.
Let me just say: there is nothing wrong with “Twitter findommes” - in fact, this is how many financial dominatrixes get their start. However, a true financial dominatrix will spend years establishing their persona and honing their skills. This will be her brand, maybe even her business. She’s good at it, she loves it, and most importantly, she cares about the submissives in her charge who trust her enough to exchange money.
If this sounds like something you’re interested in doing - let’s talk about how to get started. As I mentioned, there are tons of people (predominantly women, but men can do this too!) online who are branding themselves as a findomme...but what does that really mean?
You want to be more than the “mean girl demanding money” trope.
This is what I’m saying: don’t just post a provocative photo with a “$end” caption and call it a day. People want to invest in Dom/mes who invest in them, even if it’s not money, but time or thoughtfulness. Interacting online with submissives who pay you can be as simple as sending them a message or photo to say thank you for their tribute. If you’re a degradation-style findomme, throw a little backhanded comment in there to get them feeling aroused and leave them on a positive note. It’s not all about collecting, it’s about connecting.
Consider catering to specific kinks and fetishes.
Some of the most popular findomme accounts I follow are people who put specific fetishes in their biography to draw in the right type of crowd. The photos they post, the way they interact with their fans - it’s all specific to what they market themselves as being interested in.
Make it clear what you offer.
When it comes to financial dominance, while there is typically no physical connection, there are tons of ways you can engage with your money slaves. You could offer degradation or humiliation, you could offer to take complete control of someone’s accounts, you could offer a Skype session, you could demand a specific set tribute amount for a specific set time of talking, etc. Setting your terms and listing those in a prominent place (like the biography section of your socials) is important to finding the right clients.
Marketing and promoting yourself on socials is important - especially on Twitter.
Just look at Taylor Knight (aka, an award-winning Florida findom). That’s right, she’s won an award for taking people’s money. Why? It could be the 2+ thousand Youtube subscribers or the 61+ thousand Twitter followers.
Twitter is one of the best NSFW platforms around right now, especially for people who wish to become a findomme themselves. You could also consider setting up an OnlyFans and promoting your financial domination that way.
But, aim for something higher. Broaden your horizons!
I’m not saying all findommes on Twitter are “wannabe findommes” - I’m just saying that there are so many other platforms out there geared specifically to this! I am quite sure plenty of findommes just like Taylor Knight got their start on Twitter or other social media platforms since financial domination can be an extremely lucrative online thing.
Some common financial domination sites to look into include:
You’re in a D/s relationship - act like it.
No matter how often you communicate with the submissives/slaves in your charge, you are their Dom/me, in many ways. This means you need to pay attention to their limits and, although your literal job as a financial dominatrix is to take money from them, you must respect their limits. This means asking their limits in advance and discussing things like how far they are willing to go, etc.
So, you’re a finsub looking for a findom/me and have no idea where to start. How do you find someone you trust when you’re dealing with something as intense and high-stakes as your finances? How do you find someone who is willing to give you exactly what you’re looking for in exchange for such a (quite literally) high price tag?
Choose your findomme carefully.
There are those who are in this for the money and then there are those who are in this for the connection (and the money, because let’s face it, that’s why many people do this). The goal is to find a healthy findomme that you’re able to trust with something as intense as your finances. Yes, the point might be for them to drain and humiliate you, but ruining your life and costing you things like your rent or mortgage payment, etc isn’t ideal.
Set your terms up front.
When you’ve made contact with a findomme, be sure to set your terms and limits upfront. Yes, they can drain you, but what’s the absolute limit they can take per day, per week, per month, etc? If they have access to your bank accounts, you may also want to have something set in place to ensure they only access what you’ve agreed to.
Be wary of “fake” findommes.
While I don’t want to put anyone to shame, Steve (from above) was right - there really is a difference between a financial Dom/me and someone who is mean and just out to make quick cash. Be wary of people who claim to be financial Dom/mes but are seen on socials just demanding cash without any proper setup or system in place.
Search on actual findom platforms.
Between findom.com and HePays (both listed above) there are a plethora of findommes at your disposal. The people who take the time to sign up for these platforms and market their services are the people with who you can most likely develop a healthy findom relationship.
Ask the community.
As with most things BDSM - there’s a community here. On findom.com there are plenty of different threads where people ask questions. On Quora, there are many different people sharing their findomme experiences (both in searching for and becoming one).
If you’re someone who is interested in joining the findom game (as either a financial dominatrix or someone who pays one), I hope this article has given you a little more insight into the fascinating world of financial domination.
The most important thing to note about this wacky little world is that, as with all other BDSM things, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to go about it. There are people, unfortunately, who aren’t out for your best interests, and when dealing with something as significant as finances, you want to make sure you’re putting your trust in the right places.
When you’re a financial Dominant, respect your submissive’s cash limits and offer exactly what they like (within reason) when it comes to degradation or humiliation. When you’re a financial submissive, choose wisely who you trust and connect with and always have safeguards in place. This, as with other D/s relationships, can be a fine connection if you go about it the right way.