When you think of switching positions during sex, initially this might seem awkward. Or you may even think “I’ve found a few that work, so why would I change that?”
Well...because sex should be fun. It should be kinky, erotic, passionate, primal, fiery...and fun. So much of the time we try to be sexy, we try to be confident, we try to please our lover...all of these things are good - but what’s really the point if you don’t have a little fun with it.
Choosing positions that make you feel confident, comfortable, safe and sexy is much easier than you think with this comprehensive guide.
There really can be any number of reasons sex might have been painful for you in the past.
Some of the most common reasons to experience pain during sex are:
The position you choose to have sex in can really impact how much pleasure (and subsequently how much pain) you feel - so below are a few positions that are proven to work for people who commonly experience pain during intercourse.
SPOONING
Instead of snuggling up with your lover post-coital, why not give coital spooning a try? This sex position is fantastic for people who have experienced pain during penetrative intercourse because the penetration is naturally a bit more shallow from this angle.
Instructions:
Lie on your side with your partner directly behind you, spooning you.
Bend both of your knees a bit so your bodies follow each other’s curves.
This may take some adjusting, but soon you will find a comfortable position and he can gently thrust from behind.
SITTING FACE TO FACE
This sex position is not only comfortable but it’s extremely intimate, too. This position will ensure his thrusts aren’t very hard. However, depending on what kind of pain you’re struggling with, the angle of this position could make things better or it could make them worse - you’ll just have to go slow and test it out.
This position can take a bit of practice to get into, but once you know how your bodies fit together in this way, it will be one of your favorite positions (trust me!). Be mindful, take it slow and keep communicating.
Instructions:
Have your partner (the man) sit down with his legs in front of him with a slight bend at the knee.
Sit on the bed and move close to him until you’re almost sitting in his lap with your legs draped casually over his legs.
Allow him to enter you and get as close as you need to to make this happen.
You can lean back with your hands resting on the bed behind you for balance or you can lean forward and actually sit mostly in his lap and allow your bodies to move together as one.
STANDING UP DOGGY STYLE
While “doggy-style” sex is known for the deep penetration (which can be a big hurdle if you experience pain during deep thrusts), there is a way to experience the classic position with a bit of a twist that doesn’t allow your partner to thrust as hard.
Instructions:
Stand upright, leaning over the bed or a table that is at a comfortable height - your feet should be flat on the ground, otherwise, it’s a lot of work that could result in pain.
This may take some adjusting, but allow him to slowly enter you while you are bent over. If you feel him going in a bit too far, you can clench your legs together by crossing your ankles over each other. This will provide more friction for him (which feels great) but still lessen how deep he can thrust.
GOOD OLD MISSIONARY
Hey - there is nothing wrong with sticking to the classics. For many people (men and women included), missionary style sex is by far the most comfortable. It can be romantic and intimate, but it can also be passionate and fiery, even if you can’t make it extremely rough due to pain issues.
Instructions:
Lie on your back on a comfortable bed. If you are able to spread your legs, you can do this - but you actually don’t have to. While he may need you to open your legs a little to initially enter you, laying flat like a board once he is inside you actually gives a tighter feel for him and you’re essentially laying as you would go to sleep, so there shouldn’t be much pain on your end.
ORAL SEX
Remember: P in V sex isn’t the only way to satisfy your partner and have an intimate connection. While penetration is lovely, there are also other ways to have sex with your partner, including oral sex.
Some of the best oral sex positions for those experiencing pain can be:
Having sex is intimate, even if you just met the person or are more interested in rough BDSM style sex than candles, bubble baths, and spooning. Sharing your body with another human being is powerful and can be extremely daunting if you struggle with self-confidence issues.
As a c-section mom and someone who has struggled with an eating disorder for over a decade, the relationship I have with my body changes with every season (sometimes with every day). Sometimes I feel incredible, sometimes I feel worthless. It happens to all of us - maybe you’ve put on some weight, maybe you’re just having a bad day...whatever is causing your confidence to plummet, it’s totally normal.
However...just because it’s normal, doesn’t mean you can’t have amazing sex. I’m telling you - there are positions that allow you to feel comfortable, not show off too much (if you don’t want to) and can actually even be flattering for your figure!
REVERSE RIDER
Reserve rider (also known as reverse cowgirl) is the best way to exert confidence and badassery even when you’re not feeling your sexiest self. Why? Because for one, it’s an excellent position where the female is in charge (because she’s “on top”) but you can still feel the deep penetration you’d feel if he was taking you from behind.
Secondly, your stomach (which is an area that many women feel uncomfortable about) is hidden (as you’re riding him with your back and butt to him, your front and stomach pointing towards his legs).
Instructions:
This position is almost identical to you being on top, you’re just facing the other way.
Have him lay on his back on the bed.
Straddle him, with one leg on either side, facing away from him. He should have a view of your back and your butt (which I’m sure he won’t mind).
If you’re particularly athletic (or want to work those twerking muscles), you can balance on the flats of your feet and bounce up and down. If you prefer to rock back and forth on your knees, this is also an option.
He can bring his legs up by bending at the knee and placing his feet flat on the bed to give you something to hold on to (causing more thrust in your ride), or he can lay flat and you bend towards his knees allowing him to get deeper inside.
SOFA DOGGY STYLE
This is a change-up on an oldie but goodie, making it even better and brand new. Doggy style sex appeals to me, personally, because I would say that (although my butt is big), my stomach being bigger is one of the things that I struggle with the most when it comes to feeling sexy. So naturally, any position that “hides” my stomach makes me feel a bit more secure.
Instructions:
Kneel on your sofa, pressing your body up against the back of the couch (or hanging off the sofa arm, depending on the layout of your couch).
Your partner can kneel behind you or stand if there isn’t enough room on your sofa for both of you to kneel.
You may have to lean over the sofa in order for him to enter you, but once you’ve done that, you can straighten up a bit (or remain bent over).
You can also do this position in the kitchen against the table, however, you’d both be standing so make sure you’re comfortable doing that.
SITTING FACE TO FACE
I’ve already mentioned this position being good if you’ve experienced pain during sex, but it’s also good for another thing: intimacy and comfort. A very large part about feeling confident in the bedroom is feeling connected to your partner, feeling wanted, feeling like every touch, caress and kiss means something. This position does that.
Instructions:
The man will sit down with his legs in front of him with a slight bend at the knee.
You can then sit on the bed and move close to him until you’re almost sitting in his lap with your legs draped casually over his legs.
Allow him to enter you and get as close as you need to to make this happen.
To really feel the intimacy, you can lean forward and allow your bodies to move together as one. This also tends to hide some of the areas women feel less confident about (like breasts and stomach) because they are pressed against your partner. He will like that and you will like that everything is not on full display. Everyone will love the intimate connection here.
You can also test this one out with him sitting on a chair and you straddling him, it gives much of the same feel (and intimate vibe) as doing it in bed - but is a bit more adventurous.
LEGS UP
Let gravity do the work, alright? If you’re someone who has insecurity issues with your stomach, you’ll notice that laying on your back naturally makes you look thinner. Well, we’re taking advantage of that with this position.
Instructions:
Lie on your back with your legs up in the air.
Your man will take your legs most likely on his shoulders, but if you’re not as flexible you can wrap them around his waist to bring an extra bit of intimacy and heat.
A pro tip: if you’re in bed, position yourselves so that you can reach your hands up (almost fully extended) and push against the headboard while he thrusts. This will ensure deep, intense thrusts on his part and will allow you to control some of the rhythms.
You can’t rush perfection...but you can hurry it along. There are definitely some positions that are much easier to pull off when you want to get in, get off and get out. I’m talking positions that feel so good that you’re both close to climax within just a few minutes.
What are these magical positions, you ask? Well, let me share…
THE BALLET DANCER
This stand-up sex position is perfect for tight spaces (like the restroom in the restaurant you’re out on a date at) or the closet of your friend’s house before dinner.
Instructions:
Stand facing each other.
Wrap one of your legs (I suggest leaving the leg you’re most dominant and stable on the ground) around his thigh.
You can use your leg to pull him closer to you as he enters you.
Staying in this position sounds difficult, but it’s really much easier if your back is up against a wall that can help you stay stable.
CHAIR SEX
A position that’s great for when you’re visiting him at his office (while everyone’s out at lunch) or if you work from home (like myself), any variation of chair sex will ensure you can multitask, keep things quick and to the point. Okay - if you have a few extra minutes, one of you can also give some pretty amazing oral sex while the other sits in the chair. What better way to rush things along than making sure he (or she) is already ready to cum by the time you really get into it?
Instructions (oral sex):
Have the receiving partner sit on the edge of the chair. If you’re a female, you can wrap your legs around his shoulders as he is on his knees performing oral sex.
If the receiving partner is male, have him place his feet flat on the floor with his butt close to the edge of the chair to allow you room to work, so to speak.
Instructions (penetrative sex):
This position is best done with the male sitting on the chair, although it can be done the other way around it just takes more effort. Have your male partner sit on the chair and straddle him. Lower yourself onto him and grind away - it’s pretty simple!
TABLE/DESK/EDGE OF BED SEX:
The idea here is simple - you make use of whatever surface is closest to you to get it on. If you’re at home, your table or bed will suffice. If you’re at work, your desk will work.
Instructions:
Sit on the edge of the surface, with your male partner standing in front of you.
You may need to lean back to allow him to enter you, but once it’s started, you can adjust your position to whatever feels comfortable.
A note: have your male partner wrap his forearms around your back, this will give him more stability in his thrusts and also gives a spicy sense of intimacy.
Shower sex is super over-rated, in my opinion. I remember trying it out as a teen and thinking I was super sexy, super seductive and super cool. But looking back, it was a giant mess. It was slippery, a bit awkward (because there is also the actual cleaning yourself part of the shower that you need to do before or after) and definitely a bit uncoordinated.
I revisited shower sex as an adult and found that, while I still think it’s maybe the least ideal situation to have sex in, there are some positions that make it steamy, comfortable and easy.
Let me add a little note here: you are going to need a non-slip bath mat for most of these to make sure this doesn’t turn into a rather unfortunate emergency care situation.
STAND AND DELIVER
This position works well for the shower and can also give you (the woman) a bit of extra stimulation if you have a detachable showerhead.
Not only that, but it’s maybe one of the only shower sex positions where you both have your feet planted firmly on the floor which makes it a bit more stable for those who are accident-prone like myself.
Instructions:
Face away from your man and lean into the wall, placing both your hands firmly on it and tilt your butt up and out, allowing him to enter you from behind.
He can place his hands on your waist, boobs or hips in order to gain some stability.
This position can also work if you lean your body against the shower wall with your butt up and out, this can give you a free hand to work that shower massager onto your clit.
BENCHED
If you’re fortunate enough to have a ledge somewhere in your shower (maybe a seat-shelf or the edge of your tub if your shower is also a bathtub) - then this position is made for you.
Instructions:
Have your man sit on the bench with his feet flat on the floor.
Most likely, you will have to face away from them, depending on how your shower is laid out. Lower yourself on top of him in a reverse straddling position and get to work!
This is particularly fun if your partner holds onto your waist or wrists so you can lean forward and experience even deeper penetration.
THE BALLET DANCER
This position was mentioned under the “best for quickies” section for good reason: it’s fast, effective and it feels good. Perfect for shower sex, in my opinion.
Instructions:
Stand facing each other.
Wrap one of your legs around his waist - I suggest leaving the leg you’re most dominant and stable on the ground being as your in the shower and you need all the stability you can get.
You can use your leg to pull him closer to you as he enters you.
Staying in this position sounds difficult, but it’s really much easier if your back is up against the shower wall.
Let’s talk about public sex for a hot minute. I’m not suggesting you do this (because it’s illegal) - but...if you were to do it...here are some ideas on how to do it in the best (most inconspicuous) way possible so you don’t get caught (but still get off).
TREE POSE
Oh, nature - how beautiful...and erotic? Well, in certain situations - yes!
There is something primal and passionate about being naked outdoors and a tree can easily be used as a natural prop for backyard sex - it’s tall, straight and you’re able to brace yourself on it.
Instructions:
The receiver faces the tree with their body pressed up against it.
The giver stands and enters you from behind. To do this, depending on your height difference, you may need to lean over to get started.
This can also be done with your back on the tree, facing your partner in something similar to a “ballet dancer” sex position (which you can read about above).
THE FIRE HYDRANT
In need of some moisture? Well, the fire hydrant is an incredibly simple oral sex position that can be done practically anywhere.
Instructions:
The receiver stands in a “normal” position (hoping no one notices what’s going on below), in which the giver kneels (or sits on their butt) to perform oral sex on their partner.
THE BALLET DANCER
The dancer strikes again - because this is one position that can be really easy (once you get into it) and doesn’t take a lot of effort. Any variation of this pose is great for when you’re getting down and dirty on your own front porch, in a park or on the beach behind a bush.
Instructions:
Stand facing each other.
Wrap one of your legs around his waist - I suggest leaving the leg you’re most dominant and stable on the ground.
You can use your leg to pull him closer to you as he enters you.
Staying in this position sounds difficult, but it’s really much easier if your back is against a wall. He can also grope your butt and waist for more stability (and added pleasure).
Are there specific sex positions that are better if you’re trying to have a baby?
Do certain sex positions give a more likely chance of becoming pregnant?
When it comes to sex positions and conception, there are a ton of questions.
Let’s get a few things straight…
GRAVITY AND SEX POSITIONS
Standing upright after sex shouldn’t reduce your odds of conceiving. In fact - no certain sex position has ever been proven to increase the likelihood of conception. However, using gravity to your advantage when choosing a sex position can’t hurt, right?
Choose positions that have him deep inside you (him on top or doggy style, for example), so the initial release of sperm is as close to your cervix as possible.
TIMING IS EVERYTHING
When it comes to conceiving, timing is way more important than what position you use to have sex. As long as you’re having non-protected P in V (penis in vagina) sex, there is a chance you will get pregnant - but the time of the month matters.
During your “ovulation window”, your ovary released a mature egg (an egg that is ready to be fertilized with a man’s sperm). That egg travels down to the fallopian tubes on its way to the uterus. On its travels, the egg will (hopefully) meet up with the sperm and the egg will become fertilized. Keep in mind, when tracking your ovulation, that sperm can live inside the female body for up to 5 days.
If you’re interested in tracking ovulation, there are lots of apps for that. Using an app (like the ones listed here) can help you find the best time to have sex that will give you the most likelihood of becoming pregnant.
You want to be the best one night stand of his fucking life - and here’s how you’re going to do it: by choosing the right sex position(s).
You can try out a few different ones from this list, but if you’re feeling nervous about that awkward “changing positions” vibe with a person you hardly know, maybe just stick to one of these.
AGAINST THE WALL (FOREPLAY)
One night stands have one powerful thing going for them: they are usually hot, wild and unplanned. Even if you suspect you’re going to see some action, there’s no telling what can happen. This is why some foreplay is essential to let him know you’re a night he won’t soon forget.
Instructions:
Undress each other, take your time, caress each other.
Being pushed up against a wall (or asserting yourself in a dominant position and pushing him up against the wall and slowly kneeling to the ground to undo his zipper) is an incredibly sexy power move that will have you both riled up.
EDGE OF THE BED (OR COUCH) BEGINNING
Moving things to the bedroom can happen fast (if you’re already in the “making out, leaving a trail of clothing behind you” phase - but sometimes it starts a bit slower than that. Take advantage of the anticipation and have him on the edge of his seat (quite literally) when the fun begins.
Instructions:
If you’re on the couch (maybe for Netflix and Chill, where you’re not-so-patiently waiting for at least ten minutes into the movie to rip each other’s clothes off), have him sit on the edge of the couch while you undo his pants.
Use any combination of your hands and mouth that you’d like to get him standing at the ready (if you know what I mean).
Then, when the time is right, you can mount him, straddling him on the edge of the couch. Trust me, pressing your tits right up against his chest and feeling his hot breath on you is a great beginning for what will surely be a fantastic one-night-stand.
AND MAYBE A DOGGY STYLE ENDING
Doggy style sex might be super common, but you can do a lot with it to make it your own. Leaning down to the bed, pressing your tits against the mattress can give him a deeper thrust, but leaning back towards him can be intimate, passionate and give him more room to play with your clit.
Instructions:
I’ll leave this one to you - make it your own!
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