The Kinky Couple’s Guide to Mutual Masturbation

Using the bathroom in his apartment, farting in front of her, getting food poisoning for the first time since living together, masturbating...these are all things that feel inherently private. They are things that we may feel embarrassed by if we ever had to do them with someone else around. 

While I understand wanting to hide all the other things, I am so genuinely puzzled why we’ve felt masturbation to be an act we can’t share with the person (or people) that you normally share other sexual acts with. 

I’m not judging here...I’m asking the question: why should we feel the need to hide masturbation when, in fact, it’s one of the sexiest, most intimate parts of your solo time that you can share with someone else?

Mutual masturbation is not the oxy-moron it sounds. It’s simply masturbating together, instead of alone - and it’s way more erotic, more sensual, and more fun than you think it will be.

Why Choose Mutual Masturbation?

I’d love to live in a world where masturbation and porn habits are as commonly talked (and shared) about as birth control or lingerie. They are things that can enhance our sexual happiness - so why do we shy away from sharing them with our partners? 

So, I’ve (rather selflessly) done some experimenting of my own (or should I say we have done some experimenting of our own) and have determined there are so, so many reasons why you and your partner should be self-lovin’ together. 

Mutually assured pleasure.
One of the best parts about sex is knowing that you and your partner are both having a great time - and what better way to guarantee that than to take things into your own hands (literally). 

Mutual masturbation allows you and your partner to both reach climax, no matter when the other finished. And, if you do it enough, you will be able to time your orgasms to be simultaneous. 

When period sex isn’t for you but you’re still horny AF. 
One of the biggest draws for me, to mutual masturbation, was that it’s an alternative to period sex if you’re not into that (which some people aren’t - and that’s totally fine). Period sex is definitely a “love it” or “hate it” kind of thing - it’s either in the cards or it’s not. 

And for those who would rather “skip” that week than lay down a towel and prepare for things to get a little messy...you don’t necessarily have to. 

Adding mutual masturbation into your sex life during your “out of commission” week can be a really sexy and satisfying experience for both you and your lover. Not only are you getting off (when you normally would have to stifle your raging hormones all week) - but your partner also gets a little something. 

You both get off and you can substitute your fingers for a toy, leaving the mess to a minimum.

Mixing things up on date night. 
Date night can become a bit...routine, I guess, when you’ve been together for so long. Of course, there are times where you won’t find you have time for date night at all, but when you do, even switching up sex positions can be a bit routine. 

So why not masturbate with each other? I’m sure that’s something you’ve not done too often before - so ‘mixing it up’ can be checked off your to-do list. 

Webcam dates when you can’t meet in person. 
With The Great COVID-19 Quarantines of 2020 (or really, any reason why you may not be able to meet in person), webcam dates (and cam sex) are at an all-time high. 

Obviously you won’t be doing much touching of each other, but touching yourselves WITH each other can be a delicious treat to be shared - and all you need is a decent internet connection. 

If you want to really add some heat, there are even quite a few remote-controlled toys that are able to be controlled from just about anywhere...meaning your partner can still decide when (and if) you cum. 

It’s incredibly erotic. 
Watching each other’s movements, allowing your mutual moans and gasps to fill the air between you, using your words to help each other across the finish line at the same time...it’s just really sexy. 

You may think the first time you do this could be a bit awkward, but honestly - by the time you get going, you get a bit lost in it, in each other, in yourselves…and it just kind of flows. 

You may learn more about how your partner wants to be touched. 
There is nothing more educational than watching your partner touch themselves. Study how they move, when they pause, how their breathing changes - let them be your ultimate guide to their pleasure. 

It’s essentially live porn. 
Is there really a better kind of porn than porn starring the person you’re currently sleeping with? I mean - how sexy is it to watch the person who turns you on, touches you, pleases you, fucks you every night pleasure themselves in front of you? 

Want to make this really special? Turn on a camera and create a real porn video out of your steamy mutual masturbation session. Even if it’s just for you, I promise when you watch the tape back you’ll be so turned on, you’ll want to go another round.

The place where dirty talk can shine. 
Dirty talk during sex is great...but dirty talk during mutual masturbation, when you can’t physically touch each other and can only use your words as foreplay, the main course, and desert...it’s unparalleled eroticism. 

You can incorporate mutual masturbation into your life in any way - you can decide to strictly masturbate with each other (maybe you’re on your period) or you can choose to have masturbation alongside each other be the foreplay and finally come together to climax. 

Either way, dirty talk, describing what you want to be doing to your partner, what you’re doing to yourself, what you want them to do to themselves...it can be a place where dirty talk takes the main stage. 

Looking for some advice on how to master the art of dirty talk? Read my article (with examples) here! 

It can be an intro to your BDSM persona.
Not only can you step into a dominant or submissive position with mutual masturbation, but it actually might be a great way to introduce yourselves to those roles. 

Being a dominant takes practice, you need to learn to listen to your partner’s body language, communicate with them, earn their trust. And being submissive can feel scary at first, seemingly giving up your power at a time when you’re most vulnerable.

But with mutual masturbation, a lot of that pressure is gone because yes, you’re following (or giving) instructions, but your lover isn’t actually touching you. This can give you a sense of ease as you test out your new BDSM persona.

A new meaning to “quickie” sex. 
No one knows you quite like you do - and when you need to get in, get off and get out, mutual masturbation is a great way to turn a “quickie” into something a bit more enticing. Getting yourself started and then quickly finishing with your lover can be the ultimate quickie sex, in my opinion. 

Feeling a bit lazy and want to master the art of quickie sex? Click here! 

The whole voyeurism thing. 
Voyeurism kinks are extremely common - I mean, isn’t that basically the foundation of the porn industry, that we like to watch other people get down and dirty? Well, this is that, but next level, because the “person” is someone you sleep with on a regular basis, meaning you can more than picture yourself touching them as they touch themselves. 

Testing kinks out on yourself (with an audience). 
Trying out new kinks can be really daunting, especially with a partner. And if your partner, by chance, doesn’t enjoy the same kinks as you, it can feel really disappointing that you’re not able to adventure more into something that intrigues you. 

However, with mutual masturbation, you can do the things you want to yourself and I'm sure, even though your lover may not be into wax play, he wouldn’t mind watching you drip hot wax across your tits. 

What Are The Best Mutual Masturbation Sex Positions?

How do we do this? Do we just sit and stare at each other while we masturbate? Are there even sex positions for masturbation? 

Yes, yes there are. 

And these are some of the steamiest ones. Plus - because they are masturbation positions, they are really quite easy to pull off.

The Chairs
Get two chairs. Set them facing each other. Sit on the chairs and bring yourselves to climax, facing each other, with as much space between you as you’d like. Personally, in this situation, I’d love quite a bit of space between us, so it’s impossible to touch and so I can see my lover’s entire body. 

You can position yourselves any way you like on your chairs, mix up your masturbation position or simply sit and play with yourself - either way, it’s a view your lover is going to enjoy. 

The Face-Off 
In this position, you’re lying in bed, each on their side, facing each other. And again, you can do this with as little or as much space between yourselves as you’d like. Use your fingers, hands, and toys to masturbate in the same bed you usually make love or sleep together in. 

For this position, I like to be close enough to my partner that they can offer the occasional kiss for a more sensual vibe, or we can finish each other off when the time cums (word pun for the win.) 

The Netflix and Chill 
You’re on the couch, watching Netflix. Your lover has claimed to not be in the mood, and just as you see the “sex ship” sailing off into the distance, leaving you on a disappointing, desolate shore, a thought occurs to you…

You slowly slide your fingers into your panties and start rubbing yourself. At first, they don’t notice. You make this a game: how long can you pleasure yourself without being found out? 

When they finally do notice, your cheeks flush and you remove the blanket to show what you’ve been doing. Your pussy is on full display for them, already wet and wanting. 

They either join in or start masturbating themselves - because there is little to no possibility they aren’t in the mood, now. Either way - the sex ship has docked and climax is on the horizon.

This has been (rather selflessly) tried and tested by yours truly...and it works, every time. 

Skype-Style
Maybe your man is away on business or your woman is cooped up in her apartment due to a crazy pandemic that’s happening (ahem, 2020…) - online mutual masturbation has it’s appeal right now, and while there is no “right way” to do this, there are a few tried and true positions that will work here. 

One of the most common would simply be to bring your laptop or tablet into bed and position it with you in frame, and get to work (if work was all pleasure, that is.) 

There is another way to do this, and I might add, it’s a much better way that adds a bit of intrigue to it: set your laptop on your desk and “pretend” as though you’re alone. 

Lie in bed, scroll on your phone, look at some porn, and start touching yourself, all the while your partner is watching silently through your webcam. Knowing that you’re being watched (and acting as though you’re not) is so thrilling - and your lover will get off on the idea that he’s seeing you in your “natural habitat” as it were. 

The Peek-a-Boo 
When you can see your lover touching themselves, it’s a visual delight, of course. But when all you can hear is the sound of wetness and moans...it’s more erotic, more sensual, more intriguing than any visual display. There is a reason audio porn is on the rise, you know. People love to be turned on by all their senses, not just sight. 

The “peek-a-boo” position can be anything really: you could be on the couch while he’s sitting at the desk, you could be in bed while he’s in the living room...wherever you are able to hear but not see each other, you can start masturbating to the sound of each other’s moans and see how long you last before finally taking a peek at what your lover is doing. 

The Side by Side
Lying side by side in bed (as close or far apart as desired), on your backs, start slowly, allowing your fingers to trace your body, feeling the bed shift as your partner takes control of themselves, touching themselves, caressing themselves, then finally getting the show started. 

In my opinion, this position is best when you're close enough that your arms are touching while you’re laying on your backs - this way you can feel every stroke or thrust they do. In this position, you maybe won’t last long without each other and can easily roll on top of him (or him on top of you) and start playing together. 

The Kneel and Deliver 
Part mutual masturbation, part blowjob (if you’re into that sort of thing), this position is one of my favorites. It takes the heat of mutual masturbation and combines it with the pleasure of the tease (and the chase), which is what any brat like myself lives for. 

The woman will kneel on the ground in front of the bed, and the man can either stand or sit on the edge of the bed, depending on his height. The goal here is for the woman’s face level to be in line with your partner’s manhood. 

Without touching, you can masturbate alongside each other - most of the time I use a toy in this position, as it’s easier when you’re kneeling. You can even prop yourself up on a pillow to hold your toy in place (or just use a hands-free toy) so your hands are free to roam around your body. 

If you want, you can tease your lover with the occasional lick or stroke of his cock, driving him absolutely wild and then leaving him to masturbate on his own while you take care of yourself. 

This is the ultimate tease foreplay game and you can go on for as long as you want. 

Mutual Masturbation Etiquette

As with most things sex and kink, there are some “rules”...what to do, what not to do, how to respond to your partner, how to communicate what you want, etc. 

The key to a happy mutual masturbation sesh is, as with most things, communication. And in this (and many other cases), communication can be sexy. 

Bringing it up with your lover. 
First thing’s first...how do you bring this up with your partner? Well, you could just say you want to masturbate in front of each other. 

Or - if you’re feeling particularly bold and comfortable with your lover, you can just start masturbating during your next Netflix and Chill (as the sex position I listed above suggests) - and I’m sure the response you get will be a positive one.

Communication about mutual masturbation doesn’t have to be a big conversation. In fact, you can just ask them if they are interested in the idea of masturbating together. It really can be that simple.

The keyword here is “mutual.” 
As with most things, the key to having this be a good experience is that it’s something you both have interest or desire in and it’s something that will bring you both pleasure. If your partner really isn’t interested in the idea, maybe scrap it and move onto something a bit more their taste.

After all, the point of mutual masturbation is mutual pleasure - and if one partner isn’t super into it, it can ruin the whole vibe. 

Timing it so you both finish together. 
Practice makes perfect, and while you may not want to do this every time (because P in V sex is great, too), if you practice this enough, you will be able to time your orgasms to happen at the same time...which is super hot. 

Cueing up some porn to get in the mood. 
Watching porn with your lover is, again, another big thing that shouldn’t be a big thing. Why we feel the need to hide our masturbation and porn habits, although reasonable, is a thing that needs to be addressed. 

Porn is not bad.
Masturbation is not bad.
Self-love is not bad. 

These things are inherently viewed as shameful, but they can actually allow you to get to know yourself and most of the time lead to a much happier and more fulfilled sex life. So go on, cue up some porn (a genre that you both enjoy), and let that be a connection you share as you both guide yourselves to sexual bliss. 

Not all touching is off the table, you know. 
You can still touch each other...you can kiss, you can stroke, you can even get into intercourse if it leads there. The point of this isn’t to strictly masturbate alongside each other, it’s to share a part of your solo self lovin’ time with someone else and just see where that goes. 

Toys are all the rage during masturbation...so why should masturbating in front of your lover be any different?
While it can be a bit daunting to whip out your giant wand or to see your man pulling his Fleshlight out of the naughty drawer, it can also be really, really sexy to watch your partner use a toy on themselves. 

Incorporating dirty talk into this, you can describe what you want to be doing to your lover as they satisfy themselves with a toy in front of you. Or, if you want to test out your BDSM role, you can instruct them (or do as instructed) with your toy. There are all kinds of ways you can incorporate toys into your mutual masturbation sessions. 

Don’t forget to include your lover, even if you’re going solo. 
Remember, this is mutual masturbation, not solo masturbation. Make use of your lover. Don’t pretend like they aren’t there (unless you want to pretend you’re being watched, which is also sexy).

You can use your partner, play off their emotions, watch their gestures, listen to their noises, and use their words to guide you to climax. There is nothing sexier than feeling like you are the reason your lover is shivering in pleasure and adrenaline after a good mutual masturbation session. 

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