Erotics Anonymous: My First Time an At Orgy

Haven’t you always wondered what group sex is like? Even if it’s something you’ve deemed “not for you”, I’m sure you’ve been curious about it...everyone has.

Feeling multiple hands on you, kisses, touches, moans that are mixed and mingled together, losing track of who is with who and just living in the moment to please everyone in the room...that sounds like heaven to me. 

Welcome to Erotic’s Anonymous, where kinky lovers from all over the globe share their naughty, funny, clumsy, romantic and oftentimes thrilling BDSM stories. 

In this article, anonymous kinksters (and two qualified sex educators/experts) share details about their first time experiencing group sex - from a simple threesome to a full-blown, upper-class orgy...brew some coffee (or pour yourself a nice glass of wine) because things are about to heat up in here.

How old were you when you first experienced group sex?

Person A: I had just turned 19 when I had sex with more than two other people.

Person B:  I was 16 when I had my first threesome; I was 39 the first time I attended a full-on orgy (40+ people) and hosted my first mutual masturbation party (5 people).

Person C: 26

Person D: 24

Carmel (sex writer, “The Big Fling”): 24

Angela (sex therapist and educator, “Doctor Climax”): 25

How did you come across the opportunity for group sex?

Person A: I was at a Pride festival and we went to the “leather tent” (sex-related tent dealing with BDSM, puppy play, etc.). 

My friend and I met some people and hung out with them for the day. They invited us back to their hotel room with a bunch of people.

Person B: In regards to threesomes, sometimes I was a single addition to a couple’s experience, and at other times I invited someone else into my own partnership. Both the orgy and the masturbation party were events that resulted from connecting with folks on Fetlife.

Person C: I was seeing this girl casually. We were just friends with benefits at the time. I recall this one occasion we just had sex and were laying in bed...

I asked her, "Do you have any fantasies?".
She told me, "Yes, I was watching this porn video of two girls and it was hot". 

I remember her telling me she's attracted to girls as well.
She then pulled her phone out and showed me one of her friends on Instagram and asked me, "What do you think of her?". 

I told her, "she's good looking". Then she told me, "would you be down if she joined us next time?". I told her, "hell yes!"

She told me, "Okay I will talk to her.”

Person D: I was looking to experience fisting, and I found a group through the internet. The group I found had organized parties every other month, so I got invited and went to one of the organized parties

Carmel: I was at a party where there was liquor. 

I was dating someone at the time who was with me, and another couple got playful with us while we were in a private bedroom. It began with me kissing another female and expanded slowly into an orgy. 

Angela: I had recently moved to a mid-sized city and was just starting to branch out socially. I was a part of my city’s music scene and more often than not once the bars closed down for the night there was a house most people would go back to if they wanted to continue partying. 

One week there was an open invitation sent out to a bunch of the regulars that if they wanted to take part in a sexually open environment that they could come by the house and see how they felt about the situation. Once I arrived, there was a large bowl full of condoms at the front of the house and people milling about, some naked, some not. 

Many couples were grouped up talking up prospective people to have sex with or just take in the very sexually liberating environment created. Nothing was done without express consent from all parties involved and the discussion was shockingly sober and straightforward.

Were you in a romantic relationship at the time? Was your partner also participating?

Person A: I was at Pride with my FWB. They participated as well.

Person B: With my threesome experiences, in all but one instance I was in a romantic relationship; in 2 out of 4 times my partner was also a participant. At the time of the orgies and masturbation party, I was single.

Person C: We were seeing each other casually and we were friends with benefits.

Person D: No.

Carmel: Yes and yes. 

It was exciting for both of us as we had been dating for about a year. Sex life can tend to get monotonous after around the 8-month mark for sexual couples. We were both inherently trying to spice it up, so the timing was right! 

Angela: At this point in time I was not in a relationship but ready to go out on the town and meet some new people.

How did your experience surprise you? 

Person A: I thought it’d be a lot more like porn, where the focus tended to be on one person. Everyone got equal attention in this encounter. It was an eight-person orgy. 

I was so overwhelmed. There were penises everywhere and my hands didn’t know what or who to touch. There were kinks of all sorts involved at once and it was a lot to take in.

Person B: Group experiences have always felt natural and been largely positive. 

I’ve attended several orgies since that first experience and don’t foresee doing so again unless it’s something I organize myself or am invited into by people with whom I have established physical chemistry.

I find the orgy experience, when associated with an event or party, to be very flat and unfulfilling; it’s people having sex for the sake of having sex with very little focus on chemistry or desire. It’s bad sex and a lot of it. For some, the amount of interaction makes up for the lack of quality but not for me.

Person C: The following week the girl I was casually seeing messaged me saying she will bring her friend with her when she comes over. I told her “sure no problem.” 

The issue was I've never seen her friend in person or talked to her. I just saw a few pictures of her on Instagram. But it didn't bother me or anything. If anything I was really excited and looking forward to our group sex.

When they both arrived at my condo, they were all dressed up, looking really good. We were all excited and went straight to the bedroom. 

Now that I reflect on it, I think that was a mistake.
Once we were in the bedroom, things escalated pretty quickly. I remember kissing her friend and I looked over at my "girl" and based on her facial expression she didn't like that. So I stopped and let them do stuff with her friend. I could tell there it was jealousy and a bit of tension. As a result, the experience wasn't as good as I envisioned it. 

After me and my "girl" spoke about it. I asked her how come she didn't like that I kissed her friend and she told me, "not sure why but kissing is a very passionate and intimate thing and I didn't like seeing you do that with another girl". 

Furthermore, she told me she never thought she would feel that way but for some reason being in the moment, those feelings emerged. We agreed not to have group sex again after that.

Person D: The big surprise that I'll never forget was when I got there, I was taken on a tour of the house where we would be having the party (this was before any sex started), and walking into one of the bedrooms where there was a sling hanging over the bed, I noticed a package on the floor next to a bureau.

Remember, this was a fisting party.
The package said the words "Depends" on it, and I almost ran out of the house!! (For obvious reasons, I was thinking that this is not the result that I want), but upon closer inspection, I realized that it was a package of "underpads" that would create a waterproof barrier underneath the guy getting fisted to protect the bed from all the Crisco and/or water that might drip out during the process. 

I was relieved. The "Depends" company happened to be the manufacturer of these pads, and they were not at all what I thought!

Carmel: Both good and bad things happened!

The good: It was exciting, new, and gave me a huge confidence boost. I felt free and sexy. Surprisingly, I also felt safe and trusted my partner to keep me feeling safe throughout the process. He asked my permission before engaging sexually with the other female. Watching him with someone else was both a turn-on and triggered a sense of jealousy within me. I also realized at the time that I might also have an attraction to women, something I never truly considered until experiencing a woman sexually for the first time. 

The bad: Being in this organic, liberating situation knocked my better sense to use protection. STDs can be caught via oral sex, penetration, and skin-to-skin contact. The context of the situation didn't make me feel like asking everyone if they had been tested, or requesting a condom be used during oral sex. 

We were all very lucky, but I wish that I had been safer. 

Angela: The experience really surprised me in how open yet respectful the entire situation was. These were just normal, average people who wanted a bit of spice in their life that was available during this party. 

There were a few unwritten etiquette rules, such as an open door signifying that onlookers/additions were welcome, or that you had to be “tagged in” to participate with certain groups. It was shocking in that this wasn’t a depraved mash of bodies writhing together but instead, a calm and calculated situation where every one’s wants and needs were attended to.

What advice would you give to someone who was searching for a group sex experience?

Person A: Discuss your kinks prior to everyone getting into it. 

Also, set your boundaries, limits, and establish a safe word. Learn a bit more about one another sexually and it will go more smoothly. Also, just relax. Sex isn’t a performance, it’s an experience.

Person B: With orgies, don’t expect to participate your first time; approach the event as a learning experience -- it’s totally normal for folks to watch and not jump in. 

With threesomes and foursomes, have an exit plan established, especially if you are welcoming people into a couple situation. Talk through how it begins and how it ends; what are the boundaries and expectations of everyone involved? The STI status? 

It may not feel sexy to discuss these things but doing so will ensure that things go smoothly and no one is hurt.

Person C: The biggest advice I would give to someone searching for group sex is to make sure you talk about boundaries with everyone involved ahead of time. 

I understand the thought of group sex can be very exciting and you just want to jump right into it but failing to have this discussion could ruin your experience. My biggest suggestion would be to meet for drinks and discuss all aspects prior to engaging in group sex. 

Not only that but meeting prior to having group sex can help you get a good feel if there is chemistry. In my view having good chemistry can enhance the overall experience.

Person D: While no groups are interested in "lookie Lous", meaning people who are just there to look around, you are also not under any obligation to do anything you don't want to do. 

If you do find yourself in a situation where someone is trying to force you to do something (either through brute force or through a guilt trip or other psychological trick) then you should LEAVE IMMEDIATELY and realize that they are not safe, and they are not a normal group, and it's not okay. 

Most groups understand what it's like to be new, and will be very open to helping you have a good experience. You will be expected to at least strip down to underwear or some sort of sexy clothing so that you don't just look like you're fully clothed and there to just watch, but you won't necessarily have to get naked. 

If that is the case, it should be communicated before you get there. Again, if you're uncomfortable and feel like you don't trust the situation, leave.

Carmel: Be as safe as possible, make sure that if you experience it with a partner that you truly trust that person, and make sure that you feel ready. Don't jump into anything because anyone else wants you to. To enjoy this, the desire has to come from you and you alone. 

Angela: Those searching for a group sex/orgy experience are best served by finding out what their local swingers/sex scene is like and then going from there. Single men will have the most difficult time finding a proper place to go since most places have an abundance of obnoxious single men trying to find some “easy” sex. 

Couples are often welcomed with open arms and there is no obligation to actually share your partner if there is then you haven’t found a group that has respect as one of their core tenets and should move on. Single females won’t have much of an issue at all integrating into their local swinger/sex scene, that’s just the way the landscape is.

Would you have an orgy or group sex adventure again, or is it something you just wanted to try once?

Person A: I would do it again, most definitely. It was one of the most interesting experiences I’ve had.

Person B: I’ve attended a handful of orgies and again, unless there is established chemistry with all parties, I’m not really interested. I’m currently working with a play partner to set up MMF threesome where both men are comfortable touching each other as well as me — finding the right third, and someone we are both attracted to takes some time.

Person C: I would love to have an orgy again but this time I wouldn't just jump into it. I would first make sure we meet several times and make sure we are all on the same page and have the same expectations. Only then I would do it again.

Person D: Most definitely, but my standards are a lot higher than they used to be, so it's seeming to be harder to find a situation that works for me.

Carmel: I personally knew that I didn't need to experience that again, but I am happy that I have had the experience because I was very curious before it happened to know if I'd enjoy it. 

Angela: It wasn’t really my cup of tea but I absolutely recommend at least passing through a group sex session to anyone just to see how free people can be about sex while still maintaining their composure. My current partner and I are happy keeping our relationship as a two-person affair, in another life I definitely see myself as someone who would frequent these types of parties. 

Threesomes, Foursomes or Moresomes...Should I Give It a Try?

Whether you and your partner are just in the beginning stages of talking about adding a third intimate partner to your relationship or you’re a frequent orgy go-er, multiple-partner sex can be an amazing way to get to know more about yourself as a sexual being and connect on a deeper level with those around you.

How common are threesomes? 

According to this 2017 U.S national study, about 10% of women and 18% of men have reported having a threesome in their lives. I know what you’re thinking...does that make sense? It does if you consider that some of the threesomes may have had two men instead of two women, which is a “common thought” when talking about threesomes. 

How common is group sex? 

That number is a bit lower, standing at 6% of women and 12% of men, according to the same statistics pulled from that U.S national study. 

While we can all agree there is such a thing as “too young” (both legally and morally) when it comes to sex, have you ever thought “what’s the normal age for people to be having orgies?” 

Well, according to those stats, multiple partner sex is most common with people between ages 25-29.

How do I bring this up with my partner?

Talking to your partner about threesomes, foursomes or moresomes can feel incredibly daunting. You don’t want them to feel insecure, you don’t want to hurt their feelings and you don’t want to make them feel as though you are not happy with them. 

The best thing you can do is create an open conversation about how happy you both are with your sex life, and bring up that you are interested in group sex only if they feel totally comfortable with it. 

Make it very clear that this isn’t something they need to do if they don’t want to (because both partners should want this...it shouldn’t be something you do FOR your partner). 

If you’re interested, here’s a list of questions you can ask your partner about sex to gauge how happy you both are in the intimate relationship you have. These questions are designed to create an open, honest and positive conversation about your sex life together and were brought forth by a sex and relationship therapist.

According to sex educator Angela Watson, “[A] sexually liberated environment is great for many reasons beyond sex. The level of intimacy shared between practical strangers can be absolutely mystifying.”

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