Repeat after me: there is no shame in a man enjoying anal play.
Anal play for men, specifically pegging, is a practice that is still considered a bit of a taboo, and the reasons why baffle me. I just don’t get it.
Do you know G-spot orgasms? Those deep, internal, amazing orgasms? Those aren’t just for women, you know. Men have a G-spot, too - it’s called the prostate, and triggering it during sex can give your man some mindblowing orgasms.
Pegging is when one partner (typically a female) wears a strap-on dildo and penetrates the other (typically a male) anally. Most of the time - it’s simply a way for men to enjoy anal sex. That’s it. And yet, there is still this fog of shame around it.
While there are tons of beginner anal toys and tips for activating said heavenly spot on your guy, one of the best ways (if you’re willing to give it a try) is pegging. So, let’s lay some of these myths to rest before we dive into how to bring your pegging fantasies to life.
Myth: pegging is in some way related to your sexual orientation.
Truth: Let’s let go of all this internalized homophobia, shall we?
The (absurd) idea that enjoying anal play somehow correlates to being homosexual is something that needs to be discussed (and abolished) ASAP. The same goes for the idea that if a woman is into pegging, she may be a lesbian.
While anal play in no way determines your sexual orientation...even if it did - who cares!? Say that you’re a male who started to explore anal play and somehow, that led you to the idea of being sexually attracted to men. I’m still not seeing the problem.
First of all: There’s nothing wrong with being gay, bisexual, straight, or somewhere along the spectrum.
Secondly: Your sexual identity is not determined by the things you do during sex, it’s determined by what you like, what you want, who you feel that you are. Just because you like a finger (or strap-on dildo) in the ass, doesn’t mean you’re not still you. You’re just the version of you who gets to experience amazing pegging orgasms.
Myth: Pegging is anti-feminist.
Truth: Let’s not make everything about men vs women, alright?
This might be a hot take, but not everything is about sex or gender. Some things are just pleasurable, and that’s it. Some feminists seem a bit concerned over pegging, and I just don’t get it. It’s not about penis-envy or power, it’s about pleasure. Just because I strap on a dildo to pleasure my penis-having partner, doesn’t mean I want to have a penis, that I think there’s something wrong with not having a penis or that I somehow need a phallic-shaped toy attached to my body to feel complete. That’s just nonsense.
Myth: Pegging hurts.
Truth: It doesn’t have to unless you want it to, and however you’re thinking it’s going to feel is likely not how it will feel.
When you first think of anal sex, if you’re not familiar or experienced with it, you might think one thing: ouch. Your mind might trick you into thinking it’s going to be far more difficult than it is, simply because the concept is foreign. All new things take a little adjusting to. A little discomfort during anal sex is typical, but pain is not. If you warm up, use lots of lube and go slowly, it shouldn’t hurt nearly as much as you’re thinking it’s going to (if at all).
Myth: Pegging isn’t pleasurable for the one wearing the strap-on.
Truth: Are you insane?! That’s just so incorrect.
That’s like saying giving your partner oral sex isn’t pleasurable for you. Not only do you experience pleasure from pleasuring them, but roleplaying and switching up the dynamic is super erotic and will definitely turn into a pleasurable experience for you both. Not to mention there’s such a thing as wearable vibrators that the pegger can wear along with their strap-on.
Myth: All strap-ons are the same.
Truth: Are all dicks the same? No. So - why would you think this is true?
Penises, vaginas, boobs, bodies...they’re all different, people. So are dildos. Some are small, some are large, some curve up...not all dildos are created the same. Finding the one that suits you and your partner may take some shopping around.
Myth: Pegging is a niche desire.
Truth: So many people are interested in this.
How common is this fantasy? Well, I ran a poll over on Twitter and was not at all surprised to find out the majority of people polled (40.8%) were interested in pegging even though they’d never tried it. 31.8% of people said they weren’t at all interested in the idea, 22.3% of people said they’ve tried it and loved it, and 5% of people said they tried it and it wasn’t for them.
While I personally think of the above statement similar to “what is the appeal of sex?” (with the answer being: literally everything) - some people truly don’t understand the appeal of anal stimulation for men. Beyond that, the art of pegging seems to get lost in the shuffle.
So...what is the appeal of pegging?
The mind-blowing orgasms.
Commonly referred to as the “male G-spot”, the prostate is a gland that’s found under a man’s bladder. It’s very easily accessible through anal play. Think of this as if it’s a magical pleasure button.
G-spot orgasms are intense, and there’s no reason your man should be missing out on the fun. While pegging is not for everyone, there is absolutely nothing shameful or strange about men being curious about anal play. Once you’ve had an anal orgasm, it’s a real game-changer.
Femdom is an extremely common fantasy that can be explored through pegging.
“Despite unfounded fears that this ‘means he’s homosexual’, the activity [pegging] can be pleasurable and it certainly fits under a common fantasy for many men dealing with the woman being in control.” - Kinkly
You can repeat that last part, for emphasis. So many men love a woman in control. Female domination is an extremely popular kink - just ask any dominatrix.
It’s a new thing to try with a comfortable partner.
Metro interviewed quite a few men on their initial attractive to pegging, and R (33 years old), explained: “My interest for anal play and pegging didn’t develop until my 30s. During my 20s, I was more interested in having different sexual partners and more ‘traditional’ sex. However, as my relationships started to become more stable, I found that pegging added an extra dimension to my sex life. I was also very curious about prostate stimulation that is mentioned constantly in many sex articles, so this became something I wanted to try.”
The idea of trying something new and exciting with someone that you’re comfortable with not only can introduce you to new types of pleasure, but it can allow you both to explore a new dimension in your sex life.
It takes some of the pressure off typical P in V sex.
There are many, many reasons why penetrative P in V sex might not be ideal. Health conditions, erectile dysfunction, or simply a desire to find a new route to pleasure are all valid reasons pegging may be appealing to you.
According to K (aged 33): “I suffer from erectile dysfunction so the allure of pegging was that it took the focus off the penis. The prostate is basically the male g-spot so it means men who struggle with staying hard can reach orgasm without any penis stimulation at all.”
It’s addictive.
Pleasure is addictive. Finding new ways to pleasure yourself (or your partner) can be equally addictive. We all want to feel good, and finding new versions of feel-good sensations (like orgasms) is the kind of fun experience everyone should have.
Trust and intimacy play a role.
There is quite a bit of trust in any type of deep-penetrative anal play, in my opinion. Exploring this new activity with your partner can be a unique and intimate experience that ultimately deepens your trust in each other.
It just feels good.
That’s really what sex is all about, right?
To have a proper pegging session, you’ll need the right tools. And by tools, I mean a strap on dildo for your partner to wear and some lube.
Lovehoney Beginner’s Unisex Strap-On Harness Kit
This adjustable strap-on harness kit comes with a 5-inch sleek dildo that’s perfect for first-time pegging play. There’s a pocket in the harness that can house a bullet vibrator and it comes with three interchangeable O-rings that can be used to attach various dildos to the harness.
This kit is being hailed as one of the best truly beginner kits available for pegging.
Doc Johnson Vac-u-lock Strap-On Kit
This kit comes with three dildos (2 x 8”, 1 x 10”) which are designed to be as real-feeling as possible. This harness is also interchangeable with other dildos as well, so if you’re looking to start with something smaller (which is a good idea for beginners), you can start with that and work your way up to these larger dildos.
Lovehoney Advanced Unisex Strap-On Harness Kit
This is one of the best-reviewed strap-on kits out there. With an adjustable strap-on harness set with a 7-inch, sleek silicone dildo that’s curved specifically to stimulate that prostate gland. The harness is machine washable (hurray!) and there’s even a pocket in the harness that can hold a little bullet vibe for dual pleasure.
Lovehoney Perfect Partner 10-Function Vibrating Strap-On
A vibrating strap-on might be a teeny step up for beginners who are looking to explore more intense versions of pegging play, but this 6-inch strap on is definitely still on the list for best beginner pegging toys. 7 patterns of vibrations are available on this vibrating strap-on and according to reviews, it’s quite comfortable to wear.
Doc Johnson Vac-u-lock Platinum Supreme Harness
This harness is perfect for beginners because it comes with three different O-rings, meaning you can use various strap-on dildos with the same harness. This allows you to grow into pegging - starting with something small and comfortable and then gradually moving up to something bigger once you get the hang of it. It has great reviews on Amazon, too!
SpareParts HardWear Joque (Double Strap) Harness
Welcome to the world of brief-style strap-ons. These are designed to look and feel like briefs, but allow for you to hook in a dildo to the front. Completely washable and compatible with a wide arrange of SpareParts attachments (of all different sizes), this is the way to go if you know you want to make pegging a regular part of your sex life.
So, you’re going to peg your partner. You’ve both shopped around and chosen the right strap on set, and you’re ready to give this thing a try. There are some unique tips for the pegger (the person doing the pegging) to keep in mind as you venture into this exciting new activity...
Discuss safewords and communicate with your partner about how the session will play out.
Communication and safewords aren’t just for BDSM scenes, you know. Any type of new sexual experience (including anal play) deserves its own conversation. Your partner may be a bit overwhelmed or nervous about trying this (even if it’s something they really want to do) - so do all you can to make them feel comfortable and safe.
Become familiar with the strap on before using it on your partner.
Strap-ons are an interesting and new experience. The first time you use it shouldn’t be right before you peg your partner. Put on the harness and dildo before your play session. Get used to how it feels, how it feels to move with it, how you’ll need to adjust your movements to account for the extra length, etc.
Use (the right kind of) lube.
Spit is not the same as lube and the kind of lube you use matters. These are the two most important rules of anal play, aside from consent and communication.
So, let’s get some things straight about lube and pegging…
Warm-up and foreplay are pretty important here.
Similarly to how you can’t just have a man insert his penis into you without a bit of warmup, you also can’t insert a dildo into a man’s ass without warming up first. It’s quite logical if you think about it: sex is an activity, and activities require some warm-up.
Warming up and allowing your partner to become relaxed and aroused are crucial for them to both experience pleasure and avoid pain. Start with a well-lubed finger, then perhaps two. Then you can use a butt plug or small dildo. Then you can move on to the strap-on dildo.
Start very slow and focus on basic pleasure without pain.
It can be really intoxicating, to be in a “power” position, especially if you’re someone without a penis who doesn’t typically do the penetrating. However, going slow, at a pace that suits your partner, is absolutely essential here. Check your ego at the door and focus on the basics: enjoying yourself and making sure your partner is also enjoying themselves. While power-play and switching dynamics can be fun, those things should be added at a later date when you’re both comfortable and experienced with pegging.
So, you want to be pegged. Let’s talk about how to do this in the safest, most comfortable, most pleasurable way possible, shall we?
Do whatever it is you do to get comfortable and relaxed.
I am, by no means, saying everyone should do this...but my foray into anal play involved some alcohol. Not enough to get drunk, but enough to make me feel comfortable and giggly and excited about the prospect of trying this for the first time in a long time. For some people, “comfort” is watching a movie, for others, it’s lots of foreplay with tons of reassurance and love from your partner. Whatever it is that makes you feel comfortable, start with that!
Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay.
You wouldn’t go for a run without stretching first - so don’t peg before playing a little. This logic is pretty flawless: you need to be relaxed. More specifically, your anus needs to be relaxed. The easiest way to do this is why engaging in light anal play (fingering, using a butt plug, etc).
The position you’re in matters.
While most may assume doggy is the easiest position to explore anal play with, I’d like to challenge that idea with the “peggee on top” position. When the person wearing the dildo lies on their back and the peggee slides onto the dildo, riding it from on top, they are much more in control of the pace and how deep the penetration is. Starting with this position and then switching to doggy position(s) once you’re more comfortable may aid in warming up.
Stop if you need to.
While this is fun and all, stopping or pressing pause for a moment so you can take a deep breath, change positions or ask for more lubrication isn’t going to ruin the moment or make it any less pleasurable once you do experience that magical G-spot climax. Stop if/when you need to, for as long as you need to, and then try again.
Don’t push past pain. If it hurts, stop, and re-evaluate.
While a little discomfort is typical when participating in anal play, it should never be outright painful. If it is, you need to stop and re-evaluate what you can do to eliminate any pain you might be feeling. This could be trying a smaller dildo, warming up more, using more lube, etc.
Bringing up a new sexual adventure with your partner isn’t always easy. Even couples who have been together for years have difficulties talking in-depth about things they desire in the bedroom. The reasons for this can be tenfold, but some of the most common reasons are related to fear of being judged, fear of upsetting your partner or anxiety around “what happens if they don’t like what I’m into?”
I have struggled with all of these things. I’ve been there, I get it. However, there are ways to casually, subtly, and effortlessly bring up new sexual desires with your partner without putting too much pressure on it.
“I like when you _____, so…”
Saying something like “I really like when you finger my ass during sex, so I think I might enjoy exploring that more…” is a good way to leave things vague and the conversation open for your partner to join in. Chances are, they will ask what kind of things and you can naturally bring up pegging this way.
“I read this article…”
Blame the writer, okay? “I read this article about pegging that was really interesting. Have you ever given it much thought?” Sentences like this very easily shift the focus from “I’m dying to try this” to “would you be open to trying this?” - which tends to make partners feel a bit less pressure about diving into new sexual experiences.
“I think it would be fun to…”
Adding a spin of “fun” to any new sexual activity often takes the focus off the fact that you’re both total newbies to the game. Pegging can be an intimate and sometimes intense experience but sex should be fun and applying this spin to your conversation when talking about it will likely make your partner feel more relaxed about the subject.
“How do you feel about…?”
Asking a simple, direct and yet non-confrontational question can cut straight to the point (AKA, “please peg me”) without making your partner uncomfortable. Something like “how do you feel about exploring anal play with me sometime?”
Sentences like this work best when you add a “sometime”, “eventually” or “in the future” to the end, so your partner knows there’s no rush on this.
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