“What are you wearing?” he asks in a devilishly charming voice.
“Your favorite...that red lace set you like so much…” I lie.
We’ve all been here, right?
Phone sex is great and all - but who actually lays around in their lingerie when they are alone? In reality, I had just finished cleaning the kitchen and polished off the last of my cookie dough ice cream when I heard the phone ring. I eagerly slid into bed and put on the best seductively sexy goddess voice I could muster and voila: phone sex commences.
Phone sex is great because you can fantasize about more than just what you’re going to do to each other, you can fantasize about what you’re wearing, who you’re pretending to be (hello, roleplay) and so much more.
But how to set the mood, how to get creative on the phone, how to feel pleasure from your lover without physical contact...it’s difficult, but not impossible to have great phone sex.
If you’re a lazy (yet insatiable horny) gal like myself, you’ll appreciate this post for what it is: a cheat sheet to great, effortless phone sex.
Because trust me: you can definitely still have amazing phone sex with very minimal efforts...I should know, I did it for almost three years with my long-distance lover.
If you’re having regular phone sex you’re either in a long-distance relationship, your partner is away on business or you’re a phone sex operator. Whatever the reason, your phone calls can be effortlessly sexy if you keep a few things in mind.
To get ready for really good phone sex (with very little effort), consider some of the following tips…
We did a podcast on this topic! Listen below or on iTunes, Google Podcasts and Spotify.
You don’t go through years of long-distance sex without extensively researching remote controlled vibrators, so I have you covered here.
If you’re only planning on having phone sex once or twice (say, if your live-in partner is simply out of the house for a few nights), you may think a remote-controlled vibrator is a bit much...but if you’re having regular phone sex, investing in a good vibrator that allows your partner to be part of your pleasure is super important.
Sharing the pleasure and ensuring mutual satisfaction is one of those things that makes a good sex life a great sex life - and toys can always help with that.
The WeVibe Sync ($129USD)
This g-spot/clitoris duo vibe comes with a push-button control (via the We-Connect smartphone app) that lets your lover control your pleasure by giving you a variety of 10 different vibration programs (all that can operate at different intensity levels).
The best part?
The app has a “time out” function that allows your lover to minimize the control window to make room for video calls so he can always see you.
I will say one thing about this vibrator...it’s a little on the louder side. Of course, it’s not too loud that you couldn’t hear your phone call, but it’s definitely something your roommate might hear through the thin-walls of your apartment. Otherwise, this is a really great vibrator that is ideal for both long-distance partner use and in-person couple’s action.
OhMiBod Fuse ($149USD)
If this had been on the market when I was in a long-distance relationship, I would have ordered it in an instant.
It’s made of silicone (which I think that all insertable sex toys should be made of these days), meaning you likely won’t have to use a lot of lubrication. The flat base is also really great because it allows you to prop the toy upright when you need to switch positions. The Fuse also has a “touch-sensitive” mode which increases the vibration in both the shaft and the clitoral stimulator.
The reviews for this thing are crazy good.
While many reviews have claimed it’s not the “perfect sex toy” (with cons like a 60-minute battery span per charge and not-so-discrete when it comes to size and noise), it’s pretty damn close to perfect, especially for the long-distance couple who wants to spice up their phone sex adventures.
BUT WAIT - I haven’t told you the craziest part of this vibe...this is a totally interactive toy that is completely compatible with one of the worlds’ most renowned male sex toys: the Fleshlight Launch.
The two-way communication of these toys enables you and your partner to share pleasure with the built-in touch-sensitive tech that allows both of you to control either device. You have the power to make him cum when you want...and he has the same power over you.
You can buy just one (the Fleshlight Launch or the OhMiBod Fuse) or you can buy them as a set and have hours of mutually orgasmic fun with your lover on the other end of the phone.
I’d have to say this is a winner for me based on the fact that you can both give each other pleasure - it’s something you can experience together, instead of one partner controlling the device of the other, you both get to be just as involved in the fun.
Like I said, who wants to spend half an hour getting into a tight corset, thong and panty-hose set when you could just slip into a sexy little camisole?
Choosing the right type of lingerie for phone sex with your partner shouldn’t be hard - but we tend to overthink it. We try to compensate for not being with our partner physically by looking stone-cold gorgeous - but you can do this without spending a ton on lingerie that’s hard to get into and out of.
The Camisole:
The cami is such a great lingerie invention because it’s simple and a bit loose-fitting (and forgiving) for those nights when you’ve already eaten an entire chicken dinner before hopping in bed to have phone sex with your man.
Some really cute ones are the Seraphina Jersey Cami set (from UK Lingerie), this super sexy all-black cami and booty shorts set from SeriouslySensual or this ruched suspender cami from Bondara (which is a brand I am in love with).
A Sexy Nightie:
Who says sexy can’t be comfortable? Buying a nightie or something to sleep in is something you have to do anyway, so why not make it something that’s easy to dress up for a quick nude to boost the mood when your partner is out of town?
This flirty blue lace babydoll is just the right combination of sexy and adorable, and this double-slit maxi-dress classes up any Tuesday night on the phone with your lover.
A Simple Bra and Panty Set:
The best thing about phone sex is that it can happen at any time - even before you have to head out the door to work - so why not just use lingerie that can double as your bra and panty set for the day?
Different time zones and conflicting schedules can really be a mood-killer when you’re in a long-distance relationship - but having sexy panties that say “I’m ready when you are” is a great step (and something you can relentlessly tease them with). I love this red bra and panty set (with a little surprise in the back) from Bondara.
Dirty talk is something that seems so awkward to do until you find your stride. While I have an entire article on how to talk dirty without sounding completely awkward, I’ll TLDR it for you below…
Know your audience and feel out the vibe of the call: while it can be hard to read a partner when you’re not in the same room, you can pick up a lot from their vibe on the phone.
Are they asking what you want them to do to you? Take a more dominant approach, using language like “I want you to…” and “I’m going to make you…” - these things feed into the dom-sub relationship and make the sexual tension really sizzle.
If they are telling you all the things they want to do to you, you can take a more subtle and submissive approach (if that’s your thing) and say things like “I’ll do whatever you want baby…” or “I want you to you stick your cock in my mouth and make me take it all in…” - this kind of thing lets your partner imagine being the dominant even though there is no physical contact.
Try something new and totally out-of-the-blue: the best thing about phone sex is that it can be totally spontaneous and there is already a huge sexual tension pent up in you both because you can’t physically touch each other.
Take advantage of this and throw in some dirty talk that’s totally out of the norm for what you’d usually say - whether it’s something you’ve never tried before that you want to try when you see them again or something you know they’ve always fantasized about - get creative with it!
The right tone of voice...quieter is sometimes sexier: it’s no secret that ASMR can be incredibly erotic. So why not bring some of that whispy ASMR vibe into your phone sex life?
Whispering a seductive “make me cum” or “I’m so wet” can send all the best kinds of tingles to all the right places for your partner.
What not to say…
You want to steer clear of things that will make it obvious that you’re not physically with each other - things like “I wish I could” or “if you were here, I’d…” pull you both out of the moment you’re sharing and into the reality that you’re actually just alone in your empty apartment.
There’s sensual longing and then there’s just the dull ache of missing someone...you want to make sure you stick with the sensual vibes and steer clear of the aches that come from not actually being with your partner in a physical way. It’s a really awful feeling to miss someone on not only an emotional level but on an intimately physical level as well - so try not to pull attention to the fact that you’re not in the same place.
Instead, say things like “I’m going to…” or “I want to…” - these kinds of phrases are more in-the-moment, which will make the mood sensual and fun, not lonely and bittersweet.
For (relatively) effortless kinks you can look into things like dirty talking, erotic audio porn/ASMR, erotic humiliation...all of these are fetishes that can be indulged in over the phone with little to no effort (as most of them require talking, anyway).
There are tons of ways to spice up a long-distance love affair.
Voyeurism is a popular fetish (almost 8% of people surveyed said they have had at least one experience of being sexually aroused by spying on other people) - and this is something you can use to your advantage during phone sex.
While Skype-sex is likely nothing new to you, you can pretend you don’t know you’re on camera (or have “forgotten” to end the call) and give your partner the thrill of seeing you when you “don’t know you’re being seen.”
This kind of game can be something as simple as you wearing your bra and panties around your room like no one is watching or it can be taking things into your own hands while he watches from the webcam on your desk...it’s way, this is one game you’ll want to play.
What about jerk off instructions?
This (in my very biased opinion, because I’m in love with this kind of porn) is one of the best options for phone sex, especially if you’re feeling a bit lazy or just simply not in the mood (which, let’s face it, happens even with a long-distance relationship).
Jerk off instructions are exactly what they sound like: instructing your partner on how (and when) to orgasm. Whether you’re tapping into a love of orgasm control or you’re just wanting to shift the focus of pleasure to your man, giving him sexy instructions while you talk dirty to him can be an erotic, sexually-charged Saturday night you’ll want to repeat every weekend.
Telling your partner how to pleasure themselves seems like a total win-win: you can masturbate along with them if you’re feeling into it - or you can simply be their guide to climax without having to do much more than talk.
Or maybe you’re looking for something to experiment by yourself...ever heard of self-bondage?
While this is a bit less low-key and a bit more “I want to try this in the comfort of my own home without anyone watching me because I’ve never done it before” … it’s still a very fun thing to try during phone sex.
Telling your lover how the ropes feel against your skin or setting a timed restraint system up while you can listen to your lover pleasuring themselves through the phone...just waiting for the moment you can break free and join the fun… talk about steamy!
And then there’s self-punishment...you can do this while your partner listens intently on the other end of the phone.
Using drip-candles to burn yourself, nipple clamps in replace of your lover’s firm grip, long-handled paddles so you can imagine then spanking your hide raw while they explain just how naughty you’ve been...yes, please!
When it comes to kinks and fetishes, many people assume the more the merrier - but kinks and fetishes can be enjoyed by yourself, too - especially when your lover is listening to every single thing on the other end of the phone.
The truly lazy, exceptionally horny gal will appreciate this one: record yourself while having phone sex with your man.
This can be a simple audio recording or a full-on amateur-porn level filming that you can send to your lover next time you want to have phone sex to help him get into the mood. Not only do you get off in the moment, but you then have a little something saved up to send him whenever you want - teasing him, reminding him of that time he made you climax over the phone.
Sexy, easy and super fun.
In my opinion, the definition of effortless sex is watching porn with your lover.
Not only are you both aroused with very little physical contact with each other (which makes it a perfect endeavor for phone sex) but also - a lot of the work is already done. You’re literally listening to or watching other people have sex while on the phone with each other.
Instant sexual tension, instant arousal, instantly ready to go.
Foreplay can be really difficult when you can’t explore each other’s bodies and feel the tingle of a soft touch - and porn (or erotic audio) is a great way to share a foreplay experience over the phone.
Whether it’s pleasing a foursome fantasy or just simply some extra eroticism to set the mood - watching porn or listening to some audio erotica can be a fun and effortless way to spice up your regular phone sex.
If you’re interested in some spicy audio erotica, try Quinn...it’s easily one of the best platforms out there for audio porn.
Sometimes you really want to set the scene, you want to pull your lover in, you want to create an entirely new world (no, universe) for yourselves...and sometimes you just want to play Doctor and naughty nympho-patient without having to go through the whole ordeal of setting up some backstory.
Mastering quick and easy-to-get-into roleplaying can be a bit difficult because setting the scene is part of the foreplay, in the instance of not being able to physically interact with each other.
But don’t worry - I’ve got you covered here, too.
Talk About Fantasies Beforehand
It’s hard to improvise when you can’t play off each other’s body language and physical expressions - so talking about what kind of roleplays you like before any sexy talk starts can give you a bit of an idea on how to start when the time finally does come.
Maybe your lover has a fantasy of being with a hockey player (totally not talking about myself here...obviously…) - knowing that can help you get into character quickly and set a scene without elaborately planning things out.
Answer the Phone in Character
Once you know what you want (and have had phone sex a few times already, to get comfortable) try answering the phone already in character.
If you like it when your partner pretends to be a filthy car mechanic who needs payment from the damsel in distress who has lost her wallet (again...not a fantasy of mine…) then tell him to answer the phone next time already in character.
Or maybe he likes the sexy librarian look. Sext him a photo of yourself in a slutty librarian outfit and call him as soon as you know he’s seen it with your best “sex-crazed secretary” voice.
This kind of spontaneity can be great when you’ve likely already scheduled your phone sex for a time that works best for you both...adding a bit of unknown into an otherwise super planned out night can be fun.
No longer is phone sex done on dial-crank phones that cost you money per minute to call.
No, no...now we live in a world of video communication and effortlessly synced lives through Google calendars and apps that are literally designed for phone sex.
What a time to be alive.
Take advantage of technology and let it do some of the work. Sexting is super simple and there are even apps that are designed for safely exchanging private photos and videos. Video chats can cost nothing and be a great way to really feel connected to your lover.
While a simple phone call and hearing only the voice of your partner can be sexy, there are times when video phone sex or sexting can really save the day.
Sometimes you like to imagine yourself and your partner as two porn stars who totally know what they are doing, who have effortlessly sexy and smoothly transitional sex where changing positions doesn’t break the mood at all...and pretending to be a phone sex operator is the phone-sex equivalent of that.
There is a really great article on Refinery29 that shares confessions from real phone sex operators on how to have good sex over the phone - it’s really neat to see how the pros do it and you can use these tips to drive your partner wild.
One of my favorite parts about channeling my inner phone sex goddess is that phone sex can be used as an outlet, a place to share your deepest desires with your lover in a safe space that doesn’t require a face-to-face conversation.
Maybe you’re into pee play and you haven’t found a way to broach that topic in person yet...bringing it up during phone sex can be a great way to test the waters (so to speak.)
While phone sex is great, sometimes you want something tangible, something to hold on to, something to feel when you’re thinking of your partner’s hands on your body.
Enter used panties.
Obviously, this had to be something I added to the list (because hello, world’s largest online marketplace for used panties, here!) - but really, sending your lover a pair of your used panties can make phone sex so much more intense for them without even being that much work on your end.
I mean, chances are you’ve dropped them in the mail a few weeks prior on your way to the grocery...and now you get to have amazing phone sex while he jerks off into them. I mean...how great is that?
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