On the first day of Christmas, my lover gave to me
A spank delivered over bent knee
No wait...that’s not how it goes - but this holiday season, it could be. Here at Sofia Gray, we’ve been so kind as to adapt this rather wholesome Christmas song into a fetish-friendly, climax-inevitable concoction of kink.
That’s right...this is the 12 Days of Christmas, but every day is a new kink to try.
Welcome to the 12 Days of Kinkmas, friends.
Now, throughout the 12 Days of Kinkmas, there will be both beginner and slightly more advanced kinks, and by no means are these all mandatory. Consent is still important, especially if you’ve been rocking the vodka cranberry juice or have had a little too many cups of spiked eggnog.
Just think of this as inspiration for some naughty Christmas fun. A foray into some new naughty territory, if you will. This list of kinks can add some fun to your bedroom festivities, letting you get into the Christmas spirit (if the Christmas spirit is being so horny your panties drop as soon as your lover walks in the room).
Find yourself single this holiday season? Don’t worry, we don't mind: we have some tips for some sultry solo play that will land you on Santa’s naughty list, too.
Talk about a merry Christmas and a (very) happy new year!
The art of spanking is something I’ve talked about in-depth - but here’s a TLDR of that post, in case you missed it: there is so much more to it than just a slap on your lover’s backside.
Spanking can be erotic, intense, passionate, silly and serious. It can be an addition to a complex BDSM scene or it can be a spur of the moment thing.
The most important thing about spanking (aside from maintaining consent)? Hand placement.
Your hand placement (or rather, the aim with your favorite paddle or flogger) really makes a difference! For a lighter smack, you want to go for the fleshiest area of the butt cheeks, avoiding too close to the top (where you get to the lower back) - as that can be too close to the tailbone to smack.
Want to try something that will add a bit more of a sting? The area right below the butt cheeks (or the under-side of the cheek) will be a bit more sensitive, making it the perfect target to take them off guard.
My favorite tip when it comes to spanking? Mix it up!
Lay a few smacks across their butt and then be a bit gentle with some stroking and caressing and just when they think they are safe, land one of those oh-so-sweet smacks across the under part of their cheeks. Keep them on their toes!
Whether you and your lover go for the red hot sensation that comes from a flogger across the backside to a more sensual approach of spanking to encourage them to keep doing what they are doing, spanking can be a fun and flirty new kink to test out.
To add a bit of sexy fun, try spanking your lover on Kinkmas day number one.
Let’s talk about leather culture, shall we? When I say the word “kink”, you are very likely picturing a domineering woman dressed in black latex or leather, brandishing some kind of sex toy (most likely a leather flogger or whip)...am I close?
If I am, it’s because kink and leather go together like hot chocolate and those fuzzy house slippers you got in your stocking last Christmas.
Adding leather into your sexcapades this Christmas can be something as simple as dressing in leather lingerie (including some nice leather gloves to add a bit of sting to your spankings) - or it can be a bit more intense, like adding a leather flogger into the mix.
Have you ever wondered why leather fetishes exist? I mean, why are people aroused by leather?
While it can be anything from the look to the feel of it, many people wear leather to feel empowered and confident. DFP (dressing for power) is a very real thing that sometimes lets you take on a whole new persona.
Whatever you choose to do, adding something in leather is Kinkmas day number two.
Bondage is a staple of kinky sex, it seems. Whether you’ve loved it for years or were introduced to light bondage through the popular 50 Shades of Grey franchise - these days, bondage is popular.
Most people have experimented in bondage in some way, even if it’s just using those gag-gift handcuffs your friends got you for your bachelorette party. This Christmas, why not up the ante with some more intricate and complex bondage work?
If you’re looking for the best way to add some heat to your Christmas Eve love sesh, leave your lover bound on the couch while you tease them until they are begging for you. Why not practice a new kind of bind, something sexy maybe? The Duchy is our go-to place to learn new bondage tricks.
Not partnered up this year?
Don’t worry, Sofia’s got you covered with our Solo Bondage Play Guide.
For Kinkmas day number three, there should be no chance of breaking free.
People are often surprised at how many gags you can have - and while that’s another post for another time, some of the more common gags include ball gags, bit gags, bondage hoods, BDSM masks, and ring gags. If you’re new to gags, we suggest you try a beginner’s training kit with different sized balls, like this one from Fetish Fantasy.
As for why you’d use a gag - take your pick: the sexual tension, silencing your partner in the ultimate power play move, making your lover feel helpless and dominated or simply because can keep them quiet while you make them squirm with glee.
Don’t have a gag?
Try stuffing some of your panties in his mouth - that will silence him.
Does he have a used panty fetish? Even better...slip off the panties you have on and let him taste you before things really heat up.
Give them a mouthful so they scream no more, happy Kinkmas day number four!
Let’s just get this out in the open: cock rings can seem really daunting, in theory.
But as soon as he tries one, he will most likely love it...because many guys do. And yet, when I even mention a cock ring, I can practically see my husband clenching in not-so-eager anticipation.
Cock rings are totally misunderstood. While most people know what they look like and where they go (the name is, after all, pretty clear) - that’s about where most people’s knowledge of cock rings ends.
Let’s change that, this Christmas. Here’s a quick crash course in all things cock ring.
How do cock rings work?
Well, essentially, without a cock ring, blood flows into his manhood to make it erect and flows back out once they orgasm (or once they lose the erection). Cock rings are there to restrict that blood from flowing back out of the penis once it’s hard - which essentially makes the erection last longer.
What are cock rings made of?
Most cock rings are made of silicone but they can also be made from metal or other materials. There are adjustable cock rings, anal play cock rings, cock rings for couples (these often vibrate in some way) and then there are just the plan circle silicone cock rings that look a bit like hair ties.
The added benefit of a cock ring isn’t just extra time and a bit of a new sensation for the guy - there are also cock rings that have vibrating bullets attached (either at the bottom to stimulate the guy’s balls, or at the top to stimulate the woman’s clitoris.)
To make him feel so very alive, slip on a cock ring for Kinkmas day number five.
Roleplay can be so much fun.
I love role-playing because when you’re in a long-term relationship, things can get a bit routine and roleplay is always one way we know we can change things up without any added equipment.
That’s right - all you need for this kink is a dirty mind and a willingness to become someone else.
Common roleplays can include things like doctor/nurse and patient, professor and naughty student, stripper and client, a repairman who has come to fix the pipes, a pizza delivery guy who wants to be paid in something other than cash...the list is endless.
Or you could get a bit more intense with the scene and re-enact some of your favorite pornos! This one is sure to get things hot and heavy real fast.
Whatever scene you want to add into the mix - roleplaying is Kinkmas day number six.
E-stimming is short for erotic electro-stimulation and it’s...an acquired taste.
You can read about my first experience with electro-stim play (which also has instructions for first-timers) - but let me break it down for you…
There are wands that you can gently (or not so gently) use to run along your partner’s body, sending a smooth electric current as it goes. While that sounds scary, these toys (when used properly) can be safe to use by yourself or with a partner.
If you’re looking for an introduction to electro-wands, the Mirage Beginner Wand by VioletWand is where you should start. It’s on the more inexpensive side, which is helpful if you aren’t too sure about it yet - as the wands and attachments can tend to get pretty expensive.
Some people have played around with shock toys or shock collars, but it’s not recommended, as the e-stim toys that are made specifically for erotic play are designed with human touch in mind - whereas the gag electrical toys that you could find at a joke shop aren’t to be used in a sexual way, so it could be dangerous.
Don’t knock it ‘til you try it...you might just be in heaven for Kinkmas day number seven.
Filming yourself going solo or creating some interesting camera angles while filming yourself and your partner can be extremely erotic and sensual. Whether you decide to upload it somewhere and have a go at making homemade amateur porn is up to you. If you are interested in that, we have a how-to guide on getting started in amateur porn, available here!
Maybe you would rather keep things on the down-low, making a film and stashing it away for a rainy day. However you decide to do it, filming yourself having sex is sure to put you and your lover in the mood this Christmas.
Want to add a bit of holiday cheer to your home movie?
Set yourselves up on a nice cozy carpet or blanket in front of the tree or fireplace, light some holiday-scented candles and put on some light music to add to the atmosphere.
Have yourselves a whole other kind of movie date on Kinkmas day number eight.
All of us women have fantasized about captivating an audience (or our man) with a steamy, sensual strip-tease or lap dance, right?
And men - how many of you want to move like Channing Tatum in that stripper movie she dragged you along to see at the cinema? Do you want to lay down some seductive moves on your red-faced lover that will make her want to jump you before the song even ends?
Everyone wants to know how to give their partner an erotic striptease or lap dance - and while I’d love to dive into a whole post about that, consider this your tiny how-to guide on lap dances and stripteases.
First, pick a song.
Pick a song that you like, a song that instinctively makes you want to move, and a song that makes you feel a bit sexy or confident. If you’re looking for some inspiration, here’s a list of the most popular strip dance songs.
My favorite song would have to be that song used in the Magic Mike films...just such a good beat to it.
Next, you’ll want a bit of practice.
While this doesn’t have to be perfect, practicing by yourself can help you feel confident and have a bit of an idea of how you want to move.
Then, add a sexy look.
Ladies...your favorite pair of panties, a cute bralette and a pair of high-heels are about all you need to drive him wild. Men...think tight underwear, a loose white dress shirt, and a tie you can use to tease her with. The right look can add so much to a sexual, sensual dance.
It’s time for a show.
While you’ve maybe practiced before, let the music and the mood move your body. Kiss, touch, tease and please your lover while they sit in a chair or on the edge of the bed.
With the right moves, you’ll be feeling hella fine on Kinkmas day number nine.
There is a reason porn is so popular: people like watching sex.
People like watching things they think might lead to sex.
People like watching things they find attractive.
It’s extremely normal human behavior that you can use to your advantage this holiday season by captivating your lover in a show that’s only for them. Whether you watch porn together or want to give them a show of your own - letting them get their rocks off by watching something sexy this holiday season is bound to get them in the mood for some frisky fun.
Want to get creative and love the power a good tease gives you? Bind your partner to a chair and let them watch you pleasure yourself.
Want something a bit more naughty?
Sneak off into the bedroom and get your engine revving - then call them into the room or send them a little voice clip of what they are missing. They will come running into that room and stumble onto a scene they will surely want to watch (and eventually join in on).
Find yourself single this holiday season?
You can still have some fun by treating someone to a sexy, seductive solo cam session online. Who says strangers don’t deserve some holiday cheer!?
On Kinkmas day number ten, give them a show they’ll want to watch again and again.
The holidays are the perfect time to light some candles to set the mood - but what if I told you those candles can be for more than just that flickering romantic lighting?
Wax play can be about temperature, pleasure, pain, excitement or just adding something a bit more textile into your games. Whether you want to indulge yourself in some wax play candles meant for sex or decide to DIY something a bit more spontaneously, adding a bit of wax can heat things up in the best ways this holiday season.
A whole new kind of feeling, Kinkmas day number eleven may be even more erotic than day number seven.
On this, the 12th day of Kinkmas, let us look back at the days before and ask ourselves one simple question: how can we make this last orgasm the best one yet?
There are many, many different ways of climaxing, as I am sure you are well aware of. Treating yourself and/or your partner to a new way of reaching that blissful moment can be the cherry on our proverbial kink-cluster cake.
Experimenting with (safe) breath play while your lover reaches climax can heighten the feeling in ways you honestly can’t explain until you experience it yourself.
Edging (taking yourself to the tip of climax, and then backing down) can also be incredibly arousing and something new to try. This roller-coaster of anticipation can be incredibly erotic.
Maybe you want to finally master the art of squirting - and what better time than now to give it another try!?
Something you’ve done before or something new to unshelve - lay back, relax and enjoy Kinkmas day number twelve.
You Know the Song, Sing Along!
Still here, kinksters? Well, we’ve reached the end of our merry song of sexual bliss.
Want one more challenge for the road?
Climax your way into the new year by adding some of these kinks to your treasure box and pulling them out when you’re in the mood for something new and fun.
Now you know the song...feel free to sing along.
And on the 12th day of Kinkmas, my lover gave to me:
A new way of cumming
Wax that will need some wiping
A show worthy of peeping
A night of erotic dancing
Sex good enough for filming
A wand for e-stimming
A role that was meant for playing
A viiii-brating ring
A gag so I won’t be heard
Rope to bind me to the bed
A pair of leather gloves
And a spank delivered over bent knee
Beautiful - absolutely beautiful! Merry Kinkmas, friends - play safe.